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Thread: Confessions

  1. #181
    came back haunted Array EJCC's Avatar
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    I've been on Facebook for the entire friggin workday.
    "When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world -- 'No, YOU move.'"
    - Captain America

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    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  2. #182
    Healer-in-Training Array Morning Star's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyLazarus View Post
    I've never done drugs in my life( I'm actually a really big goody-two shoes in a lot of my own ways; it's embarrassing really ), and I don't think I will because I hate feeling like I'm not completely in control of myself or unaware of myself. Plus, I'm not good at denying myself anything, I just know I'd get addicted.
    Yeah, same here - never done drugs in my life. I have gotten a little bit drunk maybe once or twice in the past though, but now I've given up drinking as well.
    Only she who attempts the absurd can achieve the impossible... and then some.

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  3. #183
    .~ *aĉa virino* ~. Array Totenkindly's Avatar
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    I've never done illegal drugs either.

    The one time I almost smoked pot, simply because it was there and offered to me and I thought "Hmm, wonder what that's like?" I suddenly got a government job offer the next day while I was still considering toking. *doh*
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  4. #184
    Alma Array five sounds's Avatar
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    I really don't like a 7-year-old boy. I have frequent urges to hit him when he's under my care.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.


  5. #185
    sorry ejcc this 1s pretty Array prplchknz's Avatar
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    i had too much dairy the past day (frozen yogurt and cottage cheese) I feel bad for my house mates, but it was so worth it

  6. #186
    came back haunted Array EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I've never done illegal drugs either.

    The one time I almost smoked pot, simply because it was there and offered to me and I thought "Hmm, wonder what that's like?" I suddenly got a government job offer the next day while I was still considering toking. *doh*
    The government ruining everyone's fun, yet again...
    "When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world -- 'No, YOU move.'"
    - Captain America

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  7. #187
    Twerking & Lurking Array ayoitsStepho's Avatar
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    I really want to be a hard core stripper and pole dancer. That mesmorizing kind of power secretly intrigues me.

    I so badly want to have a night where I can strut around outside and sing sexy and and emotionally powerful songs without judgement.

    I don't actually like my family. I'm happiest when I am away from them. I don't miss them.

    I have spurts of time periods when I fantasize about having sex with the quiet and attractive boys on my campus to see if they'd remain quiet and passive or not.

    Wow. I have a lot of dirty secrets
    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    ayoitsStepho is becoming someone else. Actually her true self, a rite of passage.

  8. #188
    Senior Member Array tinker683's Avatar
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    -I put on a strong show of humility but the truth is that I'm incredibly proud. Sloth may be the vice of 9's but Pride comes very close, if not tied, with sloth for me. I actually think very highly of myself, but I often feel alone and weak and I can not bring myself to admit that to anyone out loud (except of course to a group of strangers on an Internet message board)

    -In relation to the above...I feel as if I'm getting weaker. Like I'm being stretched too thin. I'm forced to deal with so much, expected to carry so much responsibility, and I often feel as if I am not getting enough to make up for it. This is turning into a fatigue that is wearing on me. I want to scream, "When's MY turn? Why am I always the one expected to be the better person? Why do I always have to be the stronger person? When will I get my chance to be weak and vulnerable? When will I be the taken care for a change?"

    -Also in relation to the first item: Weakness is revolting to me. I don't mean someone having a bad day and crying about it, that's human and normal and fine. No, I define weaklings as someone who complains about their position or circumstance but refuses to do anything about it no matter how much aid you offer them, how many solutions you present to them. It's like...they just WANT to stay stuck and not move forward.

    -I am fairly certain the above is projection of my own self-loathing at how helpless I can feel sometimes.

    *Edit after the add*

    - I sometimes entertain a romantic fantasy about meeting a beautiful male-to-female transsexual and falling in love with her. I always picture the day of her confessing to me the truth about who she was before...and me being all like, "Is that it?" and "Pre or Post Op? I ask because I want to think about what sort of things I want to do you "

    -If it were up to me, I'd have sex 3-4 times a day. I have a difficult time expressing that though as I'm afraid as coming off like a creep or like someone who just wants her for her body (which isn't at all true...I just really like sex)

    -I envy people who have loved ones who dot on them. I seldom get dotted on and when it does happen (usually my super close friends) I always react with a mixture of embarrassment and guilt because I can't find the words to express how grateful I am for them and I don't know how to respond to them in a way that feels appropriate or adequate to me

    -One of the women in the LARP game that I run every Saturday night admitted to me that she had feelings for me. A very sweet and kind ISFP. She's very sweet to me and I have no doubt she'd be a good girl friend. My problem? No attraction at all. None. Zilch. Zip. She's very sweet but there is not an ounce of chemistry for me, and I hate that. I wish I could reciprocate her feelings, we'd probably be good together. But she just doesn't do anything for me physically and I hate that.
    "There is no such thing as spare time, no such thing as down time, no such thing as free time, there is only life time. Go."
    ― Henry Rollins

  9. #189
    LadyLazarus
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    I really wish I was capable of forming a healthy relationship where I do not just end up emotionally manipulating/using the guy in the end and then tossing him aside like yesterday's garbage when I no longer need him.I'm a seriously screwed up little piece of shit, I honestly make myself the maddest of all.

    I don't know what's wrong with me, I don't care about anyone else, will I ever be capable of actual love this way?

  10. #190
    sorry ejcc this 1s pretty Array prplchknz's Avatar
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    it brings me great joy to make strange and annoying sounds when I'm alone

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