A Fake Cover Letter Spoof
To Jon Stewart, the Daily Show
733 11th Avenue
New York, NY 10019
I got a hell of a kick watching The Daily Show for the first time and I will proudly admit that you and the staff of the show beat the women of Playboy in having me explode in my pants for the first time. You sir owe me a new pair of pants for being a satirical genius. Now I’m an 18 year old punk that fears and loathes the American Government and what it has done to the American Dream. It is no longer peace, liberty and the pursuit of Bikini Models with Viagra it has become a fake realm of peace, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. The old folks are in the Twilight Zone and what better way to fight then to satirically poke fun of the people in charge and if the 20% can take a dick they sure as hell can take a joke. Sir as you already know in the bureaucracy that is our society there is the 20% and there is the 80% the 20% consists of the “intellectuals” that find the 80% to be too stupid to govern themselves when in all honesty they are more than capable they are not the dumbasses they are the busy class that are stuck in a paradox of getting mortgages and paying them off so they can provide for their families. Now the 20% has the ballz to shit on the 80% and expect them to take it as if it was a chocolate waterfall from Abraham Lincoln and this sickens me to the point that all I can do is laugh at the hypocrisy. Now I’m not interested in looking at it as if I was looking through a window, I want to smash the window through the art of wit and humor and what better way to do that then to learn from the funniest smart man in America. Now I understand that I don’t have a God like figure with his hand up my anus and that the only way I can accomplish these ambitions of mine is to put in hard work and dedication.
I can work 25 hours a day if necessary, live on any reasonable salary, and don’t give a damn for job security, office politics, or adverse public relation. I would rather be on the dole than work for a place I was ashamed of and as far as I’m concerned, it’s a damn shame that a field as potentially dynamic and vital as “The News” should be overrun by hacks, hag-ridden with partisan agendas, irrationality, apathy, and complacence.
If you think you can use me, drop me a line.