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  1. #151
    Senior Member zago's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AngelLight2012 View Post
    I won't justify my statements to you, but I'm at least going to apologize for upsetting you - I'm sorry.
    Ok just please no advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rasofy View Post
    Sometimes people stop replying not because they think you're right, but because they realize you'd never concede.

    I actually enjoy reading your posts, and wouldn't like to see you banned. Not that you asked or care, but anyways.
    The feeling is not mutual. I don't enjoy your posts. I wish you thought about them harder and I find them argumentative and not much else. The thing is, I am right at least a lot of the time. Like with you in the last reply before these, you said that R&J had zero relevance to the girl's life so I was totally nitpicking. As I responded, the girl herself declared the question important. There is simply no question about this: you were wrong in your argument. It's not that I won't concede for the sake of not conceding. If someone literally proves me wrong, like I did to you, I will admit it. I have yet to see that even come close to happening.

  2. #152
    A Gentle Whisper ~MS*ANGEL~'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by zago View Post
    Ok just please no advice.
    Okay - deal.
    Only she who attempts the absurd can achieve the impossible... and then some.

    MY BLOGS: https://freestylelines.blogspot.com/, https://tfthdiary.blogspot.com/
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  3. #153
    Senior Member zago's Avatar
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    By the way, one of the possible answers in the multiple choice for that question is " WTF / Who cares? "

  4. #154
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WhoCares View Post
    If you dont think it works then try it and see how easy it is to manipulate people this way.
    You think it works, while the person on the other end is laughing at you.

  5. #155
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by zago View Post
    The feeling is not mutual. I don't enjoy your posts. I wish you thought about them harder and I find them argumentative and not much else.


    If someone literally proves me wrong, like I did to you, I will admit it.
    Then I guess I should recognize your intellectual superiority, master.


  6. #156
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ptgatsby View Post
    It's practically a guide on how to relate to others.
    A guide on how to relate. And you still don't see the problem.

    "Hey, Betty! You look soooo booooteeeful." Meanwhile, you think she looks like shit. But hey, youz bee relatin'!

  7. #157
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    I know that this might be futile, and you may not want my opinion, but I'll say it anyways just in case. What I said in my earlier post was in all sincerity. That was the best piece of unintended advice that I came across when I was going through a hard time. Get over yourself made me realize that the suffering is all in my head and my own doing. One of the things I discovered after that was the fact that you can choose not to suffer. It's like when people say you are responsible for your own emotions. I still can't do it all the time, but it helps me get out of destructive loops that I tend to lock myself in. Sometimes you just cannot understand why something doesn't work. Life is not working. Well, maybe you need new air, a perspective shift.

    The fact that people don't see things your way or don't respond to you the way you would like them to might hint that they have a different way of viewing the world. This also tells you that different perspectives exist. I would urge you to try to investigate them instead of dismissing them because they don't fit your model. You are not 'right' -- neither are other people. The world is truly a different place when seen through different eyes.

    I believe you are genuinely suffering, a lot. I do think people are trying to help, but with all 'advice' threads, there is a trend for the original poster to feel that people don't understand the true nature of their problem and are giving shallow, bogus advice, and then the whole "this doesn't work for me!" thing starts. The truth is, no one understands your problem as well as you do. I'd venture a guess anyways, that the root of the problem doesn't lie in how you present or interact with the world, but how you view it, and you may fake it all you like, eventually it's going to seep through when you're 'being yourself', and people are going to respond to that. As long as the whole world is your enemy, you will not be able to make a meaningful connection with other people.

    I know two people who are extremely pessimistic and bitter, and they live unhappy lives, and at first I tried to help, and they kept rejecting everything until after months and months I realized they were doing it to themselves. Is this blaming the victim? Perhaps. But honestly no one can help you if you don't help yourself. There's a vicious cycle of victimhood that we can easily fall into, maybe because it frees us from responsibility. "People don't like me because I don't have a charming personality." "People are stupid and they hurt my feelings" "I can't do this because the world is a rotten place and the systems are unfair" Well, yes, the world is a rotten place and the systems are unfair. Get over it. Swim or die. You can whine along the way if you have good people that will listen to you, but whining alone isn't going to help.

    Sorry if this seems a bit harsh. It was harsh words that opened my eyes back then. That's all I have to say and I wish you luck.
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  8. #158
    Senior Member zago's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rasofy View Post

    Then I guess I should recognize your intellectual superiority, master.

    It's really not a big deal and it doesn't mean I am intellectually superior. Everyone's wrong sometimes.

    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    I know that this might be futile, and you may not want my opinion, but I'll say it anyways just in case. What I said in my earlier post was in all sincerity. That was the best piece of unintended advice that I came across when I was going through a hard time. Get over yourself made me realize that the suffering is all in my head and my own doing. One of the things I discovered after that was the fact that you can choose not to suffer. It's like when people say you are responsible for your own emotions. I still can't do it all the time, but it helps me get out of destructive loops that I tend to lock myself in. Sometimes you just cannot understand why something doesn't work. Life is not working. Well, maybe you need new air, a perspective shift.

    The fact that people don't see things your way or don't respond to you the way you would like them to might hint that they have a different way of viewing the world. This also tells you that different perspectives exist. I would urge you to try to investigate them instead of dismissing them because they don't fit your model. You are not 'right' -- neither are other people. The world is truly a different place when seen through different eyes.

    I believe you are genuinely suffering, a lot. I do think people are trying to help, but with all 'advice' threads, there is a trend for the original poster to feel that people don't understand the true nature of their problem and are giving shallow, bogus advice, and then the whole "this doesn't work for me!" thing starts. The truth is, no one understands your problem as well as you do. I'd venture a guess anyways, that the root of the problem doesn't lie in how you present or interact with the world, but how you view it, and you may fake it all you like, eventually it's going to seep through when you're 'being yourself', and people are going to respond to that. As long as the whole world is your enemy, you will not be able to make a meaningful connection with other people.

    I know two people who are extremely pessimistic and bitter, and they live unhappy lives, and at first I tried to help, and they kept rejecting everything until after months and months I realized they were doing it to themselves. Is this blaming the victim? Perhaps. But honestly no one can help you if you don't help yourself. There's a vicious cycle of victimhood that we can easily fall into, maybe because it frees us from responsibility. "People don't like me because I don't have a charming personality." "People are stupid and they hurt my feelings" "I can't do this because the world is a rotten place and the systems are unfair" Well, yes, the world is a rotten place and the systems are unfair. Get over it. Swim or die. You can whine along the way if you have good people that will listen to you, but whining alone isn't going to help.

    Sorry if this seems a bit harsh. It was harsh words that opened my eyes back then. That's all I have to say and I wish you luck.
    I'm not sure how you don't see that this falls into the same pattern as all advice I have previously talked about in this thread. It lacks empathy, it assumes I haven't thought of this already (which is absurd), and it conveys a sense of superiority.

    You inexplicably refuse to believe that I have tried everything I could. You put me in your shoes, and say "well I myself don't have a problem so there must be something wrong with the way he sees things." Maybe we are just different - consider that. Maybe you have an easier time than me.

    For the record, no one can fully get over themselves. If life started giving you impossible and unfair problems, you would eventually freak out and break down too. Trust me. No one has infinite will power. And that's what people fail to realize - everyone else is trying. It is very easy for people like you to just assume anyone with problems must not be trying like you. But they are. The world doesn't deal everyone an equal hand. We all want to be happy and get along with people, and that's what we try to do.

    I resent your advice. It has lowered my opinion of you.

  9. #159
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by zago View Post
    I resent your advice. It has lowered my opinion of you.
    See, this kind of shit leaves you looking as emotionally based as some of the people you complain about. Who really cares whether your opinion is lowered? Why make this personal at all? Are your complaints in your mind personal or rational here? Because this kind of comment is distinctly personal, it just sounds like an angry lashback because you once again did not get what you wanted from someone and so you're attempting to punish them emotionally for failing to meet your expectations (and hopefully even driving them away so that they won't bother to engage you further).

    Not only don't I see a point in going there, but I think the attitude is directly contributing to your continued lack of success with making the kinds of relationships you say that you want to make. If I were in this situation, I'd just explain why I disagreed with a piece of advice and not bother with those kinds of personal jabs, they're besides the point and undermine the potential desire for people to want to risk connecting with you.

    IOW, just explain why you disagree with what advice you were given, the rest is self-defeating.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  10. #160
    Senior Member zago's Avatar
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    Let's look at this from a different perspective. Let's take a look at a typical, but hypothetical, okcupid profile:

    Self Summary:

    Hi, my name is Susie, I'm just your average girl. I like X, Y, and Z.

    In the past I have had a lot of trouble with relationships. I have been hurt many times and I just want to find a guy who I can trust, but I have started to doubt there is such a thing.

    And please don't message me if you are just going to say, "DTF?" or "hey cutie."
    Now let's say I read her profile, and responded with the following message:

    I saw your message, and I think I see your problem. You need to just get over yourself! A lot of the time in relationships one person just simply doesn't listen to the other, and that causes him to resent her, so he lashes out. That is almost certainly why you have been hurt so many times.

    Also, you shouldn't post such hot pictures of yourself if you don't want to be solicited for sex or thoughtlessly complimented for your beauty and nothing else.
    How do you think someone would respond to this? Frankly it is downright bizarre. Yet, this is exactly what has happened almost without exception in this thread. There is literally no denying it. First, my responses to your advice should come as absolutely no surprise. I am being criticized, condescended, and disenfranchised. Second, it is obviously extremely presumptuous and conveys a lack of empathy and a sense of superiority. Third, although she noted a problem in her life, she clearly did not ask for advice.

    What is the mystery here? Why are people so surprised at my negative reactions toward their advice?

    I know. Giving advice is easy. It confirms your worldview. It makes you feel important and knowledgeable. It reminds you that you are better than someone. Etc.

    People don't like advice they didn't ask for though. They just don't. Period. Ya'll should know that.

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