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  1. #131
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post

    Bolded items seem relevant to the topic at hand. From here.

    Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
    Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
    Give honest and sincere appreciation.
    Arouse in the other person an eager want.

    Six Ways to Make People Like You
    Become genuinely interested in other people.
    Smile.
    Remember that a person's name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
    Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
    Talk in terms of the other person's interest.
    Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

    Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
    The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
    Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say "You're Wrong."
    If you're wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
    Begin in a friendly way.
    Start with questions to which the other person will answer yes.
    Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
    Let the other person feel the idea is his or hers.
    Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
    Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
    Appeal to the nobler motives.
    Dramatize your ideas.
    Throw down a challenge.

    Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
    Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
    Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
    Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

    Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
    Let the other person save face.
    Praise every improvement.
    Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
    Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
    Make the other person happy about doing what you suggest.
    If you don't think people can see through that pretentious nonsense, think again.

  2. #132
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar View Post
    If you don't think people can see through that pretentious nonsense, think again.
    If you dont think it works then try it and see how easy it is to manipulate people this way.

  3. #133
    Senior Member entpersonal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar View Post
    If you don't think people can see through that pretentious nonsense, think again.
    This would definitely work. That's exactly what solid interactions have in common.

    Six Ways to Make People Like You
    Become genuinely interested in other people.
    Smile.
    Remember that a person's name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
    Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
    Talk in terms of the other person's interest.
    Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

  4. #134
    Senior Member ptgatsby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar View Post
    If you don't think people can see through that pretentious nonsense, think again.
    I think part of the problem is that this is considered pretentious nonsense. The word use is overwhelmingly positive (sincere, genuine, praise, honesty). I mean, really, Seeing things from the other person't point of view is pretentious nonsense? It's practically a guide on how to relate to others.

  5. #135
    Senior Member zago's Avatar
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    No, it is condescending crap that is insulting to even read. I've had a boss use it on me before and I looked at him like he was a crazy person. It is so blatantly manipulative... again it is not only insulting but also condescending.

    *You can't "become genuinely" anything. The definition of "genuine" excludes that possibility. In fact that is literally the exact opposite. Obviously, given the title of the book, you are only interested because you want to gain friends and influence people. Not because you are "genuinely interested in other people."

    *People's fake smiles get old. Sincerity has value. This is why people hate politicians. Their big fake grins make us sick.

    *Yes, remember their name. Not because you care, but because you want their vote, their money, their help, their ETC.

    I could go on.

    The true irony is that highlander, having read the book 4 times, literally got the the worst reaction from me of the entire thread. Actually the true irony is that he violated all of the book's principles in his post about the book. Well, I mean they're both true. Yeah.

    People know when people are being sincere. Using that crap is straight-up condescending, pretentious, and an insult to most people's intelligence. Even really stupid people.

  6. #136
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Read the book. It's not as bad as you think. Most of it is common sense really.

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

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  7. #137
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    I think the best way to relate to other people is to get over yourself. I don't mean this in an insulting way; it's something I often have to remind myself of as well. Once we stop being so focused on how the world has wronged us, we can actually start to live.

    You know, when I'm stuck in the whole "I think this, I feel this, this is like this, that is like that,", the best thing to tell myself is "Blah! Move on already!"
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  8. #138
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    The thread has been constructed in a way that any minimally useful contribution could be regarded as ironic (look at you! doing the same thing you condemn! I wasn't even asking for advice.)

    smh

  9. #139
    A Gentle Whisper ~MS*ANGEL~'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rasofy View Post
    The thread has been constructed in a way that any minimally useful contribution could be regarded as ironic (look at you! doing the same thing you condemn! I wasn't even asking for advice.)

    smh
    Thank goodness, I'm not the only one who saw this!!
    Only she who attempts the absurd can achieve the impossible... and then some.

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  10. #140
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hard View Post
    I can relate to you on some levels. I have experienced the same kind of "how can someone be that dumb?!" on the okcupid response section. Honestly? I have learned to just ignore it. I'm a scientist, and I have to constantly remind myself that not everyone has a basic science background. It seems completely trivial but it's how it is. There are some people who genuinely do not know that the sun is larger than the earth because they haven't had astronomy since 3rd grade.
    That would be all well and good were these people confined to dating websites like OKcupid. Unfortunately, they are just as likely to be the billing clerk at the doctor's office, your landlord, or your daughter's second grade teacher. Then it matters if they are stupid, and more importantly, if they cannot be bothered to correct their ignorance when it is brought to their attention. People like this make the world go round, or at least are supposed to.

    Quote Originally Posted by zago View Post
    Did not read. You are still not using the principles of HTWFAIP - a book you clearly use and know a lot about. Perhaps try again.
    I have never read this book, but I have encountered much of the same advice in other reading and in training sessions at work. Occasionally I will employ these tactics when it seems the best way to get what I want. I always feel a bit sleazy afterwards.

    Quote Originally Posted by ptgatsby View Post
    I think part of the problem is that this is considered pretentious nonsense. The word use is overwhelmingly positive (sincere, genuine, praise, honesty). I mean, really, Seeing things from the other person't point of view is pretentious nonsense? It's practically a guide on how to relate to others.
    Seeing things from the other person's point of view is fine, as long as you can do it with reasonable accuracy. Given how often other people misread my POV, I hardly trust myself to return the favor, beyond the obvious. Yes, the injunction to "do it sincerely" is a big problem here. It is hard to fake sincerity - actually, it is impossible by definition. So, if I have no genuine interest in the other person, see no real reason for appreciation, and can find no context in which the person is particularly important, what do I do? Give up? Fake it until I make it?

    I have been on the receiving end of some of this stuff, and it makes me feel as though the other person doesn't have enough respect for me to level with me and tell it like it is. As if they feel I have to be flattered, coddled, and set up for whatever they really have to say. Granted, the title of the book specificies influencing "people", presumably people at large. Obviously many people fall for this stuff.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

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