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  1. #121
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    People are going to hear what they are ready to hear...
    yes, and sometimes even if they are ready they hear something completely different. Like my room mate was asking where's the broom and I thought she was asking where's the grill? and I got excited because I thought we had gotten a grill, but we hadn't
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  2. #122
    Senior Member zago's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    If we don't care to adjust our behavior to elicit the kind of response we want to get from others, then we we can expect to get responses that we don't like. There is a great deal of good feedback in the thread @zago. Maybe I'm wrong but it doesn't come across like you are listening very well. If you enjoy being bitter and cynical on the other hand then that's your perogative.

    Bolded items seem relevant to the topic at hand. From here.

    Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
    Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
    Give honest and sincere appreciation.
    Arouse in the other person an eager want.

    Six Ways to Make People Like You
    Become genuinely interested in other people.
    Smile.
    Remember that a person's name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
    Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
    Talk in terms of the other person's interest.
    Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

    Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
    The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
    Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say "You're Wrong."
    If you're wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
    Begin in a friendly way.
    Start with questions to which the other person will answer yes.
    Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
    Let the other person feel the idea is his or hers.
    Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
    Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
    Appeal to the nobler motives.
    Dramatize your ideas.
    Throw down a challenge.

    Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
    Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
    Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
    Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

    Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
    Let the other person save face.
    Praise every improvement.
    Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
    Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
    Make the other person happy about doing what you suggest.
    Wow highlander, that was extremely pretentious. Did you read the thread? I would like for you to identify exactly what about the message I sent on okcupid was offensive. Please do so, and tell me how the response I got was equal. Thanks.

  3. #123
    Senior Member zago's Avatar
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    Ok 5 minutes have passed and I've been thinking about it. I just want to say, Highlander, congratulations on making the most ironic post in the history of internet message boards. Your accomplishment is vast. I hope I don't have to explain this to you.

  4. #124
    Senior Member zago's Avatar
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    Testing new sig

  5. #125
    Senior Member zago's Avatar
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    I am bitter and cynical about hypocrisy, which is obviously rampant. Would anyone like to argue?

  6. #126
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by zago View Post
    Wow highlander, that was extremely pretentious. Did you read the thread? I would like for you to identify exactly what about the message I sent on okcupid was offensive. Please do so, and tell me how the response I got was equal. Thanks.
    Of course I read it. My comments relate to the interaction in the entire thread as well as that message. I'm being honest just like you are .

    It's all been explained by the other posters. People don't like being criticized. You criticized someone you don't even know out of the blue about something they likely perceive as a pretty trivial. It's not an especially effective interaction style though you were fortunate to get a fairly decent response from the person anyway. You seemed unhappy about it though and started this thread to talk about it. Then a lot of people weighed in trying to be helpful here. You basically shut them down for the most part and appeared to not be listening. That's not a particularly effective interaction style either. It alienates people.

    It all seems rather contradictory. You're fine being the way you are. You like criticizing and attacking people all in good fun. You don't have a tolerance for ignorance or irrationality. However, you are bitter and cynical, don't seem to like how others respond to you in return, which implies some level of unhappiness.

    So my post is intended to communicate an overall framework, which is not in any way my invention, and to highlight positive things that you might be doing to improve things. Feel free to ignore it since you don't want any advice.

    Edit: I'll add that this is a forum about personality types. The fact that we are one type or another doesn't mean we are slaves to stereotypical behaviors of a given type. INTs can develop strong interpersonal skills, cultivate empathy and be just as likeable as anyone else. It doesn't mean they are not being themselves.

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  7. #127
    Senior Member zago's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    Of course I read it. My comments relate to the interaction in the entire thread as well as that post. I'm being honest just like you are .

    It's all been explained by the other posters. People don't like being criticized. You criticized someone you don't even know out of the blue about something they likely perceive as a pretty trivial. It's not an especially effective interaction style though you were fortunate to get a fairly decent response from the person anyway. You seemed unhappy about it though and started this thread to talk about it. Then a lot of people weighed in trying to be helpful here. You basically shut them down for the most part and appeared to not be listening. That's not a particularly effective interaction style either. It alienates people.

    It all seems rather contradictory. You're fine being the way you are. You like criticizing and attacking people all in good fun. You don't have a tolerance for ignorance or irrationality. However, you are bitter and cynical, don't seem to like how others respond to you in return, which implies some level of unhappiness.

    So my post is intended to communicate an overall framework, which is not in any way my invention, and to highlight positive things that you might be doing to improve things. Feel free to ignore it since you don't want any advice.
    Did not read. You are still not using the principles of HTWFAIP - a book you clearly use and know a lot about. Perhaps try again.

  8. #128
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by zago View Post
    Did not read. You are still not using the principles of HTWFAIP - a book you clearly use and know a lot about. Perhaps try again.
    I actually do know that book and use the principles a lot. Not always though. Sometimes I just confront people. It can be effective. Or not.

    Regardless, my points stand though you may not want to hear them.

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  9. #129
    Senior Member zago's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    I actually do know that book and use the principles a lot. Not always though. Sometimes I just confront people. It can be effective. Or not.

    Regardless, my points stand though you may not want to hear them.
    I don't. I'd rather not hear from you at all. You broke my brain with that first response of yours up there. I realize you're a moderator and all, so I guess we may have to interact on a functional basis. In fact you could pretty much ban me right now and I wouldn't care. Your post has made me more cynical than ever.

  10. #130
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    So I guess being blunt and critical is not always effective then. Thank you for reminding me of this. Now you know why I read that book four times. It's because I needed it.

    Edit: Believe it or not, I was actually trying to help. Possibly it is like your attempt to help that woman with her pathetic lack of knowledge about Shakespeare.

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