You write about your gay friend that his vision of himself included having a traditional marriage and family. This is contrary to (2). Now 100 years ago, (1) would have been a much bigger factor, in that being gay was still illegal in many places, and living openly as his real self would have come with considerable risk. (This shows where the analogy breaks down, though, since being gay is no more a deficiency than being redhead or black. It has been made artificially so in our society only because of externally imposed difficulties.) Nonetheless, the gay person 100 years ago would still have had to find a way to deal with the limitations of his day. Trying to make a go of traditional marriage was one way, with the results you describe. Living as openly gay would avoid this problem, but invite persecution. Finding an honest middle ground was difficult, as it can be for modern people with personality deficiencies like many INTs have (myself included).