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  1. #21
    Senior Member two cents's Avatar
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    I haven't seen a whole lot of women's profiles on OKCupid because, well, I'm looking for men. BUT, having seen some women's profiles and LOTS of men's profiles, yeah, men's profile photos are usually terrible, even if the guys in them aren't completely ugly. I'm guessing part of the problem there is that men are NOT as image-conscious as women and generally just have no idea how to take or select a picture where they look good. Most people are not very photogenic, and it does take effort.

    There's an amazing amount of losers on there too, though. It seems the average Craigslist denizen has now discovered OKCupid as well, so that doesn't help matters. The number one annoying thing is getting peppered by one-liner messages (especially every time I log in and get bumped up in their search results) from these morbidly obese dudes that have descriptions that amount to "Uh. I like stuff and things. I wanna fuck", have enemy % with me through the roof, and cannot spell even the one or two sentences they are bothering to write. Most of them telling me how "pretty" I am (because, of course, this will instantly make me want to do it with them -- after all, a man's high opinion of a woman's beauty is the best aphrodisiac there is). Occasionally, they even do an equivalent of street heckling, and get hostile about the length of my profile, or something I said about myself -- basically attacking me because the user already believes (correctly) that I would not even consider giving them the time of day, but feels like they actually deserve to stick their dick in me and I'm a stuck up bitch who's ruining it for them. These are the dudes that get the most explicit about hating the "unrealistic" standards.

    As far as just having standards goes, it's harder to know, on a dating site, what a person is really saying about themselves in their profile. Some are lying/exaggerating, some really believe the untrue claims they are making. And, ultimately, it's difficult to judge whether the things people find relevant to tell about themselves are the things you find relevant to know. So you go by the more "objective" criteria... do they look attractive? are there clear dealbreakers in user stats (faith, smoking, kids, etc)? are there dealbreakers among their "unacceptable" answers (like being a libertarian)? and judge the rest on the first date.

    Ultimately, it seems that people often feel like, if someone they don't think much about acts even remotely picky, then they have unrealistic standards. This undercurrent of public opinion seems to prescribe that settling is a good thing, and your personal priorities don't matter.

    Personally, I think that, regardless of the actual standards people have and how realistic they are, consciously deciding to depart from those standards and "settle" for someone seems like a recipe for disaster. Firstly, the person "settling" is likely to be unhappy, because they have to be insincere with both themselves and their partner about their dissatisfaction, but now they stand to hurt another person, because they've gotten them involved on false premises. Secondly, what if the standard you are relaxing has to do with opinions/behaviors of the other person that makes them likely to hurt you, and you are compromising your personal safety by getting involved with them? So, even if you are so extreme as to want to date the personification of Barbie or He-Man, I think you, and everybody else, is best served by your sticking to your standards, however unrealistic, unless and until they organically change (if they ever do), and remaining single until you actually meet someone you sincerely want (if you ever do).
    Last edited by two cents; 12-14-2013 at 10:22 AM. Reason: grammar
    And that's my two cents on the subject.

  2. #22
    Level 8 Propaganda Bot SpankyMcFly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by digesthisickness View Post
    Oh, and now I find out that a HUGE percentage are using these apps that change how you look. Like plastic surgery apps that are so good you can't tell! Ugh, people.
    I'd think an app that can "detect" digital inconsistencies? Might have a market!
    "The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents... Some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new Dark Age. " - H.P. Lovecraft

  3. #23
    Level 8 Propaganda Bot SpankyMcFly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by two cents View Post
    I'm guessing part of the problem there is that men are NOT as image-conscious as women and generally just have no idea how to take or select a picture where they look good. Most people are not very photogenic, and it does take effort.
    Right we don't wear makeup, high heels, hair extensions, eye lashes etc. and all other manner of things to "change" our appearance. Which from a guys perspective is something that we sometimes joke about. The before and AFTER photos
    "The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents... Some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new Dark Age. " - H.P. Lovecraft

  4. #24
    Senior Member Hypatia's Avatar
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    @superunknown

    Meh. I see it as a commercialization of the creative relationship human beings have imbued into the expression of the human body. That's my initial thought. It's not supposed to be realistic. Think of the Woman of Willendorf -- there is debate whether the statuette was a mimetic representation or as an expression of the cultural ideals. The figurine can be interpreted as a good luck charm - a robust figure for a wandering society, where necessity dictates constant movement, making such a figure hard to come by. These images are cultural artifacts.

  5. #25
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by two cents View Post
    It seems the average Craigslist denizen has now discovered OKCupid as well, so that doesn't help matters. The number one annoying thing is getting peppered by one-liner messages (especially every time I log in and get bumped up in their search results) from these morbidly obese dudes that have descriptions that amount to "Uh. I like stuff and things. I wanna fuck", have enemy % with me through the roof, and cannot spell even the one or two sentences they are bothering to write. Most of them telling me how "pretty" I am (because, of course, this will instantly make me want to do it with them -- after all, a man's high opinion of a woman's beauty is the best aphrodisiac there is). Occasionally, they even do an equivalent of street heckling, and get hostile about the length of my profile, or something I said about myself -- basically attacking me because the user already believes (correctly) that I would not even consider giving them the time of day, but feels like they actually deserve to stick their dick in me and I'm a stuck up bitch who's ruining it for them. These are the dudes that get the most explicit about hating the "unrealistic" standards.
    Yup! I noticed this as well. I had a guy get angry at me once and used all of my pics to create an account that did nothing but call me horrible names and said I was an attention whore (because I apparently was just there for the attention since I didn't want to date him). He filled it out as if it was me saying these things about myself. When I reported it to OKCupid, they did nothing for months and months as he expanded it more and more. And, he's just one example of many who lashed out at me.

    Ultimately, it seems that people often feel like, if someone they don't think much about acts even remotely picky, then they have unrealistic standards. This undercurrent of public opinion seems to prescribe that settling is a good thing, and your personal priorities don't matter.
    It's definitely a medium that seems to amp this attitude up to ridiculous degrees. People can start to look even less like a 'person' to others and all they see is the rejection. They seriously seem to believe that you are a total bitch if you don't give them a chance with at least one date. After all, you're "on OKCupid to date, right?" You think you're better than they are if you aren't attracted to them. I finally got to where I didn't feel anything anymore when it came to rejecting them. There is no winning with some people unless you decide to be their girlfriend.

    I did meet quite a few really cool guys though that I just didn't click with romantically and they're now online friends that I speak to from time to time. Small percentage though.
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  6. #26
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpankyMcFly View Post
    I'd think an app that can "detect" digital inconsistencies? Might have a market!
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  7. #27
    Senior Member two cents's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by digesthisickness View Post
    It's definitely a medium that seems to amp this attitude up to ridiculous degrees. People can start to look even less like a 'person' to others and all they see is the rejection. They seriously seem to believe that you are a total bitch if you don't give them a chance with at least one date. After all, you're "on OKCupid to date, right?" You think you're better than they are if you aren't attracted to them. I finally got to where I didn't feel anything anymore when it came to rejecting them. There is no winning with some people unless you decide to be their girlfriend.
    Ugh, I don't know if it's online dating that brings out /intensifies the attitude. It might put you into potential contact with more strangers, so it makes it statistically more likely that you'll see more of it. The problem here is entitlement + objectification. There seems to be a large proportion of people who see others not as people but as a medium for meeting their needs. So if a woman makes their dick twitch, then she needs to open her legs for them, or she's attacking them and taking away something they have a right to. It's not that her desires and priorities aren't factored in, it's that they are not even relevant -- she exists solely for giving them what they want, so having objections is against the rules. It's like you don't ask a chair how it feels about your putting your ass in it and would be astonished if it were to speak up and object. So a woman such a dude finds attractive is just a chair for his dick (and, more generally, other people are also only there for whatever they might have of interest to him). I run into people like this online and offline.

    It's not even about rejection being painful, or the fear of rejection making someone intimidated. Like all people, I get rejected sometimes, and don't like it. Like all people, I also feel anxious about the possibility of failure (of which rejection is a subset) when there's something on the line that I really want or that matters to me. The difference is that I realize other people have minds, and therefore desires and preferences that might not align with mine, but are just as important to them as mine are to me, and that, objectively, nothing makes my desires objectively more worthy of being granted than theirs. This is also not a special virtue I feel entitled to be praised for -- it's something that I think every human being must understand and internalize in order to get to live in and benefit from society. It is both amazing and revolting to be exposed to so many people who fail to meet this most basic of standards.
    And that's my two cents on the subject.

  8. #28
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    Well, clearly all men should strive to look like He-Man, and all women should strive to look like Barbie...

    I don't get it... what's the big deal???

    *takes shirtless selfie flexing in bathroom mirror*

    / Se @superunknown

  9. #29
    Wake, See, Sing, Dance Cellmold's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post
    Well, clearly all men should strive to look like He-Man, and all women should strive to look like Barbie...

    I don't get it... what's the big deal???

    *takes shirtless selfie flexing in bathroom mirror*

    / Se @superunknown
    I want to see this picture.
    'One of (Lucas) Cranach's masterpieces, discussed by (Joseph) Koerner, is in it's self-referentiality the perfect expression of left-hemisphere emptiness and a precursor of post-modernism. There is no longer anything to point to beyond, nothing Other, so it points pointlessly to itself.' - Iain McGilChrist

    Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
    "Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
    Piglet was comforted by this.
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  10. #30
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpankyMcFly View Post
    80% of women on OK Cupid think the men on that site are "ugly" or below average in appearance. Really? (source document http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/yo...online-dating/) commentary http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/th...ics-of-beauty/

    Here is a link discussing the subject more in "depth" from a male perspective http://alvanista.wordpress.com/2009/...ly-head-again/

    I'm very much inclined to think that most women say one thing but act on/subconsciously want another. I think this is related to social pressure and a cultural thing, at least in the U.S.
    Could you be more specific about what you think they are willing to say publicly vs. what they actually want?
    RobertCalifornia: TL thinks im black
    RobertCalifornia: shes my homegurl
    Hive: arent you
    SpankyMcfly: wait... you arent?

    thoughtlost: I am not really religious. I just like getting free stuff from churches.

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