User Tag List

First 12345 Last

Results 21 to 30 of 48

  1. #21
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    25,301

    Default

    I would thank him for his sincere humility. I would tell him I forgave him and then think how wonderful it is when someone actually follows the teaching of Jesus instead of putting so much stock into following the routine of organized religion.

  2. #22
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    25,301

    Default

    I noticed a lot of people are being very cynical about this guy. I mean it must have been a big breakthrough for him, and possibly an embarrassment to write, so maybe his formal tone is awkwardness at finally being humble and sensitive rather than insincerity.

    I don't think his choice of religion makes his epiphany any less sincere. It's certainly an improvement over being an unrepentent bully with an empty faith.

    *shrug*

  3. #23
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    isfp
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    8,587

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I don't mean to sound cynical, but from the look and feel of this, he sounds like he's apologizing to you more out of a sense of "What he needs to do for Jesus" and as some way to witness to you, rather than because he's primarily broken up by the things he did to you. he just talks the image he should be conforming to, and it all sounds like talking points.

    Was this all the letter was, or did he mention anything specific he did do to you that he now actually regrets? I think if I were really broken up by some way in which I had done someone wrong, that's what I would be mentioning, and saying how sorry I was for it... and I wouldn't using it first and foremost as an excuse to preach.

    It reminds me of the type of apology you might here from a newcomer to AA, I guess.... "I need to conform to this standard, and apologizing is one of the steps of the path I'm on, so now I'm apologizing."

    EDIT: @cafe, lol! Same wavelength.

    EDIT 2: I guess your question is, "How should I respond?" I wouldn't invest much in a reply. I would probably just say, "Glad to hear that you are trying to get your life back on track and I wish you well as you pursue that. Take care." I didn't really see the letter as an investment in a future friendship with him.
    I think you hit the nail on the head here.

    I also feel a little sorry for the person and would try to help them settle down a bit. I do think it is something akin to a form letter that is being sent to multiple people. If it were me personally I would likely say, "Thank you for the thoughtful and kind note you sent. You can let your mind rest easy in regards to me - no harm done. I think you are and have always been a good person. Take good care of yourself.
    Warmest regards,
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

    I want to be just like my mother, even if she is bat-shit crazy.

  4. #24
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    intp
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx
    Posts
    7,823

    Default

    reply with "oki np"
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

    Read

  5. #25
    Ginkgo
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    Yeah. With people like that, friendliness is just a thing that has to be done as one works toward the ulterior motive of SALVATION. I suppose some people do actually change, but I haven't seen it happen very often, with or without Jesus. I'm really cynical and suspicious about this kind of thing. Probably to an unhealthy degree.
    I'm guessing, from the tone of this letter, that it's not about salvation as much as it's about reinforcing a crutch he uses. Members of his particular denomination don't fanatically volunteer charitable services once they believe they've been "saved".
    Quote Originally Posted by msg_v2 View Post
    Wisdom

    As a serious answer, I don't think you owe anyone your forgiveness. That's yours to give. You have no obligation to give him or anyone that, if he was a dick to you. You could ignore the letter, I suppose.
    I think it's best that people let go of grudges, regardless of whether they openly forgive the perceived "transgressor" or not. Sometimes, making a gesture of forgiveness actually solidifies the process of internalized forgiveness.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rasofy View Post
    Plot twist: he believes gay people go to hell and wants to save you by making you a straight.
    So I should hit on him?
    Quote Originally Posted by lowtech redneck View Post
    I think this is probably the best course to take; its polite, provides some amount of positive reinforcement for his attempt at some kind of personal reformation, and yet doesn't leave much of a door for unwanted proselytizing or friendship overtures.
    Yeah
    Quote Originally Posted by Misty View Post
    This is what you say you don't want to do, but since you asked for how I would respond: knowing the context and feeling that it's a form letter, I would not respond because receiving it would already be more involved than I'd want to be. My experience from the inside with hard faith like his is that some desperate people find validation in it when they need something else. Behavior is excused as ecstasy, because it's in the name of a god, when in any other context it would be seen as a cry for help.
    This is probably the most insightful thing I'll read today - concisely put, too. However, I hold no illusions of being able to control his behavior and even if I somehow knew I would directly influence his behavior in this way, I wouldn't want to compromise my own sense of ethics just because someone holds a particular worldview.

  6. #26
    Ginkgo
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Marmotini View Post
    I would thank him for his sincere humility. I would tell him I forgave him and then think how wonderful it is when someone actually follows the teaching of Jesus instead of putting so much stock into following the routine of organized religion.
    Lol! Just ease your foot in the door, eh?
    Quote Originally Posted by Marmotini View Post
    I noticed a lot of people are being very cynical about this guy. I mean it must have been a big breakthrough for him, and possibly an embarrassment to write, so maybe his formal tone is awkwardness at finally being humble and sensitive rather than insincerity.

    I don't think his choice of religion makes his epiphany any less sincere. It's certainly an improvement over being an unrepentent bully with an empty faith.

    *shrug*
    I think it would be taxing for him to expound upon all the instances in which he's harmed people. However, if no relationship is illustrated between a particular action of his and the harm he's caused, then he'll be less likely to learn from his apology and more likely to shirk his responsibility... to like... be a better person n shit.

    I would consider it... a transition for him. Not necessarily a breakthrough. I can't really honor him for anything other than apologizing in his own little way. These sorts of epiphanies happen to people regularly when they're under stress, and they don't always lead to religious fervor - sometimes they simply denote a "fresh start".

  7. #27
    Ginkgo
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by fia View Post
    I think you hit the nail on the head here.

    I also feel a little sorry for the person and would try to help them settle down a bit. I do think it is something akin to a form letter that is being sent to multiple people. If it were me personally I would likely say, "Thank you for the thoughtful and kind note you sent. You can let your mind rest easy in regards to me - no harm done. I think you are and have always been a good person. Take good care of yourself.
    Warmest regards,
    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    reply with "oki np"
    My response to him was a mixture of these two suggestions. :P

  8. #28
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    4,226

    Default

    I wouldn't respond to a letter like that at all. Jonny hit the nail on the head: it looks like a form letter he mailed to many people. It doesn't say "Please forgive me for the harm I caused you," it says "I hope that this letter serves as a testament that I really am sorry for any harm I caused you." It's about making himself feel better, not apologizing to you specifically.

    That's not to say that it seems particularly insincere in any way, just that it was written solely for his peace of mind, not yours. A response is inconsequential.

  9. #29
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    3,262

    Default

    I wouldn't respond. It's a form letter he sent out to make himself feel better. There wasn't one personalized memory of wrong-doing mentioned. He also didn't ask for a response. Apparently, forgiveness is assumed.

    I'd be wondering how he got my email.
    ✻ღϠ₡ღ✻
    (¯`✻´¯)
    `*.¸.*'ღϠ₡ღஇڿڰۣ
    •.¸¸. Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒჱܓ. இڿڰۣ.¸¸.இڿڰۣ´¯`·.─♥


    Cerebral Artery
    http://www.facebook.com/CerebralArtery

  10. #30
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    729 sx/sp
    Socionics
    IEE Ne
    Posts
    5,634

    Default

    @Ginkgo, sounds heartfelt and sincere. I'd respond and say thank you for thinking of me and I'm glad you've found a new peace in your life.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

Similar Threads

  1. How would you feel in this kind of a environment?
    By Virtual ghost in forum Politics, History, and Current Events
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 12-07-2008, 12:15 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO