I'm exhausted. I keep thinking that if I make it to the end of the week, next week, things will calm down, work will calm down. Been thinking this since July. I am sure there are studies done about how X% of an organization's time is wasted on ineffective meetings. Hate meetings, hate leading them. Get annoyed by stupid questions, get aggressive and "blunt" and sarcastic with my answers. Make people pout, make them cry (which I didn't even find out until the IT coordinator filled me in after about that individual). Make them afraid to "bother" me, which only leads to them making more mistakes, more headaches. I need to stop feeling this burnt out. It's spilling over onto others. But I just keep saying that I'm waiting for shit to calm down, which isn't happening any time soon. And I stupidly take on more, and more responsibility. Even a 2 days conference is giving me anxiety because I'm worried about how they'll handle shit when I'm away. I want to get into a routine. I can't believe I'm saying that but I want calmness and predictability. Pause.
Sometimes I daydream about owning a bookstore or an antique store in a quiet little picturesque town by the water. With a door that chimes when it opens. That would be the life.