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  1. #1
    Stansmith
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    Default Are there people who aren't meant to have relationships?

    I honestly can't see myself ever sustaining a long term romantic relationship or a consistent friendship. I'm kind of a downer 70% of the time, and I'm really lazy about showing initiative with others. If I leave the city for 6 months, you probably won't hear from me at all. I haven't even contacted my sister or my father in about 2 years. Anyone who shows interest in me seems to be selling themselves short. I don't think I have the 'it' factor that most people seem to have (empathy, cheeriness, charm, maturity, passion, worldly ambition), and I wouldn't really mind (I don't get much fulfillment from the social sphere) if I had some craft that I could immerse myself in completely and be good at, but I don't. I'm just a really sad sap, and have been for the past 7-8 years.

    Am I completely hopeless?

  2. #2
    ndovjtjcaqidthi
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    You sound miserable. But I don't think you're completely hopeless.

  3. #3
    Stansmith
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    If you want a basic idea of what my personality is like, think fictional Louis CK, or a neurotypical, non-pervy/racist Travis Bickle

  4. #4
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i think you're way more likable and charming than you realize but....there's obviously an issue that needs to be addressed. you need to get right with that before a relationship even makes sense for you.

  5. #5
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    I used to use the "it" factor as an excuse for why I thought I didn't have this or that. Most people don't have some random factor that makes them better.

  6. #6
    Ginkgo
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    "To have a friend, you must be a friend."

  7. #7
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    What @Ginkgo, @Laurie, and @Lady X said.

    I'm pretty sure actually contacting people matters 1000x more than having some mythological "it factor". Being alone, and feeling sad about being alone, gets you no closer to making friends.
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
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    want to ask me something? go for it!

  8. #8
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
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    I don't think I have any of these "it" factors either...empathy, cheeriness, charm, maturity, passion, worldly ambition

    I think there's someone, probably even more than one person, for everyone. So no, I don't think that some ppl are just not meant to have relationships.


    I think that if one of my friends were to leave for 6 months without talking to me or telling me, I would make sure that they're still alive. That's it. Same goes for my sister.

    Other than that...I give ppl thier space.

    I have 4 best friends that I have not talked to in about 3 years. When I see them again though, nothing has changed.

    We catch up if they want. Or don't if they don't want. I am a very big believer in letting ppl live thier lives the way they want, without having to text me every six months.

    I don't like thinking that just because I text someone or call them, that they need to respond either. And they know the same goes for me. I don't want anyone to be obligated to do that.


    I think if you get an impulse to talk to someone...act on it. Otherwise don't force it.

    In the meantime...figuring out what you want to do in life is a good distraction, and will probably boost self confidence
    "Once the game is over, the Pawn and the King go back into the same box"

    Freedom isn't free.
    "Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." ~ Orwell
    I'm that person that embodies pretty much everything that you hate. Might as well get used to it.
    Unapologetically bonding in an uninhibited, propelled manner
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  9. #9
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    The question is: do you want to have relationships with other people? Some people are perfectly happy alone and can't be bothered, really. There's nothing wrong with that.
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  10. #10
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Don't sell yourself short OP.




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