User Tag List

First 1234513 Last

Results 21 to 30 of 131

  1. #21
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    FREE
    Enneagram
    594 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    42,333

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Uberfuhrer View Post
    ...However, on the inside, I just get angry when I can't stick up for myself. I tend to resist talking to authority figures that I am directly supervised by (such as a boss or a teacher) or anyone I feel personally intimidated by (I'm personally intimidated by people who, in reality, are no one I rationally need to be intimidated by).
    Yes, it sounds to me that you don't yet feel like you have the strength or resources to risk confrontation, so in light of that it's easier to avoid authority altogether. And when you have to face off, it's easier to be nice outwardly and internalize the distress, to avoid losing... which leaves you angry because you feel violated and also weak.

    But I don't think that my reasons for seeming nice are the same on the outside as they are on the inside. My niceness stems from fear of conflict, but on the inside, I'm enraged that I can't be more assertive.
    Yup.

    The basic solution is, one day, to position yourself so you are not entirely dependent on authority figures. At that point, you won't see conflict as a situation that could conceivably, totally destroy you; you will have the personal resources to continue, regardless of their response to you. i.e., you can risk conflict as part of a negotiation to make sure your own needs are met.

    This will help diminish the self-hatred, since you will feel stronger and more confident and capable.

    And then you can be nice to people just because you care about them, rather than primarily as a tool just to dodge conflict.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  2. #22
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    TIGR
    Enneagram
    3w4
    Socionics
    EII None
    Posts
    5,936

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Metamorphosis View Post
    Not particularly but I take care of the people I care about, if that's nice.
    I like that. That's me.
    Time is a delicate mistress.

  3. #23
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    ISTP
    Enneagram
    6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    9,489

    Default

    I think I'm a nice person but I think I'm too blunt/tactless to come across that way to most people.

  4. #24
    Senior Member Lookin4theBestNU's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    ENFj
    Enneagram
    2w3
    Posts
    801

    Default

    This ended up being tougher to answer then I thought. I get told I am "nice" all of the time even when I think I am being straightforward and occasionally even a bit bitchy! I do attempt to be considerate of other peoples feelings usually. Deep down however I wouldn't say I'm nice. I view myself actually as quite shrewd and efficient in my interactions/thoughts. I think I can't really be genuinely 'nice' because I am always considering the outcomes.
    "At points of clarity, I realize that my life on earth is meaningless, and that I am merely a pawn in a bigger game. A game I cannot possibly understand or have control of. Thankfully, before depression sets in, I drift back into my cloudy, bewildered daily routine." **Joel Patrick Warneke**

  5. #25
    Senior Member Bear Warp's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    MBTI
    epyT
    Posts
    145

    Default

    I'm polite and fair, but not necessarily nice.

  6. #26
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    8w9 sp/sx
    Socionics
    LIE
    Posts
    3,965

    Default

    Yes.
    I am very accurate and lethal.
    I'm either too nice or too mean............and the mean part is if i consider you " close "
    I N V I C T U S

  7. #27
    Don't pet me. JAVO's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    6,050

    Default

    No.

    Nice is a superficial standard. In human interactions, love is the perfect unattainable standard. Sometimes, love requires not being nice. But, it also usually requires being nice when we don't really want to be.

    Implied in love are many other things which make interactions more efficient, more beneficial, and less stressful to everyone involved. These include positive regard and respect regardless of the other person's usefulness to you or like of you, openness, honesty, transparency (revealing agendas and what you want to get out of the interaction/relationship), genuineness in communication, avoiding manipulation, and looking out for the other person's interests as much as possible.

    Some might dismiss this as some kind of idealistic NF fluff. *points to my MBTI type* I came to the realization that this was the most rational and efficient approach to dealing with people when I was around 16, and have become even more convinced of it over the past 20 years. It works with everyone, including those who seek to deceive, control, or manipulate. There are some "self-defense" strategies which need to be employed in these extreme cases of course. But, it actually becomes increasingly difficult to become angry about someone who is hurting themself (including literally due to stress) through their inferior, maladjusted, and inefficient interaction style. I don't tolerate negative interactions, but often overlook them due either to the insignificance of the interaction or relationship, or out of compassion and forgiveness for the other person in a non-superficial relationship.

  8. #28
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    eNFJ
    Enneagram
    4w3 sx/so
    Socionics
    eNFJ Ni
    Posts
    11,443

    Default

    I'm ENFJ, so I'm not "nice", but I *am* considerate of other peoples' feelings to a fault.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  9. #29
    Free-Rangin' Librarian Jae Rae's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    979

    Default

    If nice means considerate, yes, I'm nice. If nice means sweet, no I'm not sweet and I don't want to be.
    Proud Female Rider in Maverick's Bike Club.

  10. #30
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    100

    Default

    Yes, I am nice....I choose to be. I have become tired of the drama, and thoughtlessness, self-absorption, and egotism that goes on...I have seen it's results and ill-effects more than I care to discuss. I'm sure you have, too. I don't like to live in world that is that unkind and that sad (and dysfunctional), and so I don't. I give myself permission to be nice, and sometimes I get the short end of the stick....but it is amazing how far (in the long run) a little good-will will go. Being nice....giving up my seat to a lady on the bus, or saying good morning to the cleaning people in my office, or way over-tipping at my local hole-in-the-wall...may bring a little goodness into other people's lives, but the biggest surprise is the positive effect it has on me.

Similar Threads

  1. [ENTJ] Do you consider ENTJs to be NTs ?
    By Virtual ghost in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 35
    Last Post: 07-15-2017, 04:56 AM
  2. Do you find this to be true for yourself?
    By angelhair45 in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 06-17-2010, 11:43 PM
  3. [MBTItm] NFP's: how nurturing do you consider yourself?
    By Scott N Denver in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 08-13-2009, 11:17 PM
  4. [SJ] SJ's, do you consider yourself funny?
    By OregonENFP in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 04-03-2009, 07:38 AM
  5. [SP] SPs, do you consider yourself...
    By deep rain in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 45
    Last Post: 02-21-2008, 11:01 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO