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  1. #1
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    Default 20 is not the new 30!

    Have you guys seen UVA psychologist Meg Jay's TED Talk on the changing timetable of adulthood? I think it's pretty good advice. Any thoughts? Anything resonate with anyone as especially true or untrue?

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  2. #2
    Senior Member Ene's Avatar
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    I think it's very good advice.
    A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=61024&page=14

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    Really good. The importance of choosing your life is so huge to me. It's exciting and empowering to be working toward your future as a young adult, aware of the freedom of that time in comparison to the past and the future. I love to see people like that woman with such an obvious investment in the lives of young people.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

  4. #4
    Senior Member pinkgraffiti's Avatar
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    i wish i could agree, but i just don't. maybe it's true for other people, but she didn't ring a bell with me. i don't want to think that i should consciously engage on choosing a potential mate....i have explored and left that to chance, and i'm glad i did, because it turned out fine. i don't understand the psychologist's assumption that everyone wants to get married in her 30s. i'd rather my life was an open book.
    i'm now in my late 20s and if anything i regret having worked so hard that i didn't explore more careers or didn't travel enough!
    other things i didn't like about the talk is that she appeared to talk about female experiences only and also that....she didn't have data to show, only her opinion! for instance, the girl that later thanked her..emma(?)...well, her life may have turned out just fined if she hadn't done like the psychologist said, who knows? the talk lacked a real statistical study or something that could back up her opinions.
    lastly, what i felt (and might be more in accordance with what the psychologist meant) during my 20's is that you're left without a safety net. before, you know that you are supposed to take ~12years of education, and then maybe university for 4-5 years, and in your 30s society (and this was expressed in the psychologists' talk) kind of assumes you might want to get married and have kids....but there is no real structure....societal structure to tell you what you should be doing in your 20s...and i got anxiety issues in my 20s that may (or may not) be connected to that. it's as if we have lost traditions (like the jews that celebrate something aged 11, etc) so we have lost guidance, in a way.
    also, this talk was missing something i was expecting to hear and that is really a big reason (for women) to separate your 20s from your 30s: our ability to give birth really decays in your 30s and by the time you're 40 it's over. so of course for women your 20s are not your 30s (and i feel that pressure!) so it's a pity that the psychologist didn't choose to focus on that, or to dwell on the sociological differences that women and men feel
    (ok, sorry for the long rant but i just have to run out of the house, so i wrote pretty fast without rechecking it )

    ...but thanks for posting, it was interesting!!!

  5. #5
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pinkgraffiti View Post
    i wish i could agree, but i just don't. maybe it's true for other people, but she didn't ring a bell with me. i don't want to think that i should consciously engage on choosing a potential mate....i have explored and left that to chance, and i'm glad i did, because it turned out fine. i don't understand the psychologist's assumption that everyone wants to get married in her 30s. i'd rather my life was an open book.
    i'm now in my late 20s and if anything i regret having worked so hard that i didn't explore more careers or didn't travel enough!
    other things i didn't like about the talk is that she appeared to talk about female experiences only and also that....she didn't have data to show, only her opinion! for instance, the girl that later thanked her..emma(?)...well, her life may have turned out just fined if she hadn't done like the psychologist said, who knows? the talk lacked a real statistical study or something that could back up her opinions.
    lastly, what i felt (and might be more in accordance with what the psychologist meant) during my 20's is that you're left without a safety net. before, you know that you are supposed to take ~12years of education, and then maybe university for 4-5 years, and in your 30s society (and this was expressed in the psychologists' talk) kind of assumes you might want to get married and have kids....but there is no real structure....societal structure to tell you what you should be doing in your 20s...and i got anxiety issues in my 20s that may (or may not) be connected to that. it's as if we have lost traditions (like the jews that celebrate something aged 11, etc) so we have lost guidance, in a way.
    also, this talk was missing something i was expecting to hear and that is really a big reason (for women) to separate your 20s from your 30s: our ability to give birth really decays in your 30s and by the time you're 40 it's over. so of course for women your 20s are not your 30s (and i feel that pressure!) so it's a pity that the psychologist didn't choose to focus on that, or to dwell on the sociological differences that women and men feel
    (ok, sorry for the long rant but i just have to run out of the house, so i wrote pretty fast without rechecking it )

    ...but thanks for posting, it was interesting!!!
    hehe pink, i knew you weren't going to like it; i think i'm starting to get the hang of you. but i think you make some good points. there's an assumption that by the time you hit 30, you'll want to be in a happy marriage, probably have one kid and another on the way, live in a pretty house near good schools, and start The Rest Of Your Life (raising your family and then enjoying retirement with your spouse). that's a pretty common goal amongst people i know but not everybody is going to subscribe to it. that's a good point - jay doesn't take differential life goals into account.

    could you elaborate more on what you meant by not consciously choosing a mate? my guess is that you mean you didn't force circumstances, but i think jay is talking about something else, namely being in a relationship that functions well and is mutually satisfying and having the agency to leave if that's not what you have.
    RobertCalifornia: TL thinks im black
    RobertCalifornia: shes my homegurl
    Hive: arent you
    SpankyMcfly: wait... you arent?

    thoughtlost: I am not really religious. I just like getting free stuff from churches.

  6. #6
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ene View Post
    I think it's very good advice.
    Quote Originally Posted by nicolita View Post
    Really good. The importance of choosing your life is so huge to me. It's exciting and empowering to be working toward your future as a young adult, aware of the freedom of that time in comparison to the past and the future. I love to see people like that woman with such an obvious investment in the lives of young people.
    RobertCalifornia: TL thinks im black
    RobertCalifornia: shes my homegurl
    Hive: arent you
    SpankyMcfly: wait... you arent?

    thoughtlost: I am not really religious. I just like getting free stuff from churches.

  7. #7
    Senior Member pinkgraffiti's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Honor View Post
    hehe pink, i knew you weren't going to like it; i think i'm starting to get the hang of you.


    Quote Originally Posted by Honor View Post
    could you elaborate more on what you meant by not consciously choosing a mate? my guess is that you mean you didn't force circumstances, but i think jay is talking about something else, namely being in a relationship that functions well and is mutually satisfying and having the agency to leave if that's not what you have.
    like whoever said it: "whatever works". she was talking about being in a relationship with a scope. even if it's not your perfect relationship, she meant that it will at least help you eventually achieve a successful relationship with the scope of marriage and kids.
    i see (or would like to see) my life more like an adventure path. i don't know where it's headed, i just know that i juggle and surf whatever the situation i'm in at the moment, and learn through it. ....actually, this is not quite correct, because i've achieved many things in my life through determination and drive.....but what i mean to say is that i don't have a fixed path and i don't know where i'm going, but i like having the freedom to approach things as they come and follow the path that feels right to me and pleases me in its own time.
    that is to say that if i look back at all my relationships (and now this reminds me of that conversation in the boat in the film before sunset) then they were all worth it, i'm still in love or at least have strong feelings for all the people i was with, i learned from them all, and nothing was useless. even the negative parts were good because they taught me something. and definitely they were not a "preparation" for a marriage. they were part of my life and had a meaning and made me the person i am today.


  8. #8
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    obviously

    there's a ten integer difference

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