Been through it during my transition to atheism, but that was like 5 years ago.
A man builds. A parasite asks 'Where is my share?'
A man creates. A parasite says, 'What will the neighbors think?'
A man invents. A parasite says, 'Watch out, or you might tread on the toes of God... '
Yes, clinically depressed, have had it all my life, am just recovering from an episode. I went off my Wellbutrin for a few months, and sank so fast I didn't realize it was happening until I'd spent all my spare time in bed in the dark for about two months, used up all my leave at work, and endangered my job from not being able to concentrate. I'm back on Wellbutrin and my primary care doctor added 20 mg Prozac to help me get stabilized, until I can see a psychiatrist in August (first appointment I could get). I'm seeing a social worker for counseling. The counselor and the doctor both said I need to stay on medication the rest of my life. They were talking ECT if the meds didn't work, but I started picking back up just a few days after the Prozac, so I should be ok. It's a bitch. It's hard to realize that I can't function without medication, but whenever I go off, it comes back with a vengeance, I get suicidal ideation that won't leave me alone, and completely lose my will to live.
I'm totally out about it because I think it's important that people understand that clinical depression is not the same as being sad or feeling blue. You can't just snap out of it; in fact, the longer you let it go, the more distorted your thinking may become. If you have the symptoms and you have thoughts about harming yourself, you should see a doctor, and if he prescribes medication, you should take it. The internet in particular is rife with people who don't understand. If not for antidepressants, I would not be alive today.
These are the symptoms:
Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
Fatigue and decreased energy
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
Overeating or appetite loss
Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment
Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings
Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts
More people die from suicide than die of car crashes.
Yes, though I have never been professionally diagnosed. It drains my energy constantly and leaves me in a state of apathy. It is something I bear and sometimes even embrace; I would not be me without it and anti-depressants will not cure it but only suppress it (as well as anything I draw from it.)
On occasion it reaches critical mass and I fall into a suicidal abyss (however the trigger is usually an external event or situation which causes internal implosion.) Suicidal thoughts for me have their own unique flavour which are both sickly and sweet. These days they last approximately 24-48 hours before I climb back out the other side and regain my ability to cope. I do not think I learn anything from these events (but perhaps I subconsciously do.) There is never any cutting, self-harm or suicide attempts. There is just longing and romanticisation until I emerge. The world has no idea it has happened and I am alone through the whole experience. When I was younger (these occurrences have been in place for at least a decade or so) they used to last days or weeks at a time so I wonder whether they would eventually catoblize into extremely brief incidents (if not disappear entirely.)
I have dealt with depression after going through a period of time of high anxiety and an eating disorder. After a while of dealing with that, I fell into depression as well. Working my way out, but it's not always easy.
You hem me in -- behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.