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  1. #51
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    (When someone tells you how much her bf likes working in the mines) "He must have dwarf blood." Because if you have my luck, his brother will be a little person and you will look like an ass.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  2. #52
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Default I'm bored

    What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?


    Slow down and use a lubricant.

  3. #53
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Your wife asks you what you're getting her for Mother's Day. You say: "Pots and pans for the meal your making on Father's Day".

  4. #54
    Warflower Nijntje's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    when your friend tells you she's pregnant, the correct response is not usually "on purpose?"

    yeah, I did that one...
    When a friend of mine showed me a pic of his newborn i told him she looked like an alien (after bursting through a stomach).

    Sadly, it was the nicest thing i had to say...

    and i saved it by following with "but they all look like aliens at that age..."

    Terrible things happen to good people every day.
    Consequentially, I am not one of the good people.
    I am one of the terrible things.
    .



    Conclusion: Dinosaurs


  5. #55
    Warflower Nijntje's Avatar
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    "Is it in yet?"

    Real life application:

    "this is the girl i lost my virginity to.."
    "no i wasn't"
    "yeah, you remember, we were in your bedroom, your parents were away....?"
    "Oh.... OH.... of course.... yes..."

    He didn't get it in. He thought he did. 20 years later and he STILL thinks he lost his virginity that day.

    Poor guy.

    Terrible things happen to good people every day.
    Consequentially, I am not one of the good people.
    I am one of the terrible things.
    .



    Conclusion: Dinosaurs


  6. #56
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Moah Giggly.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nijntje View Post
    "Is it in yet?"
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  7. #57
    Warflower Nijntje's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    it got better. I updated a classic with a real life application....

    Terrible things happen to good people every day.
    Consequentially, I am not one of the good people.
    I am one of the terrible things.
    .



    Conclusion: Dinosaurs


  8. #58
    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    Your wife asks you what you're getting her for Mother's Day. You say: "Pots and pans for the meal your making on Father's Day".
    The chances of having this conversation are slim: very few people are married to their mothers.

  9. #59
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nijntje View Post
    it got better. I updated a classic with a real life application....




    poor guy. it's like finding out at age 25 that you were adopted.... but a lot worse.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  10. #60
    Warflower Nijntje's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post




    poor guy. it's like finding out at age 25 that you were adopted.... but a lot worse.
    Hence why i didn't correct him after that. I had no idea until that point he didn't know. poor bunny.

    Terrible things happen to good people every day.
    Consequentially, I am not one of the good people.
    I am one of the terrible things.
    .



    Conclusion: Dinosaurs


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