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  1. #31
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    -Your mom asks you whether you have missed her after spending a weekend out:

    Reply: We've seen each other everyday over the entire year. Am I supposed to miss you after 2 days?

    -A person has died and a close friend of him says "May God be with him".

    Reply: God doesn't exist.

    -A devoted young muslin is interested in a girl considerably younger than him, but a bit concerned about it.

    Reply: Chill man. Did you know Maome himself was a pedophile?
    ^I did that one.
    -----------------

    A man builds. A parasite asks 'Where is my share?'
    A man creates. A parasite says, 'What will the neighbors think?'
    A man invents. A parasite says, 'Watch out, or you might tread on the toes of God... '


    -----------------

  2. #32
    philosopher wood nymph greenfairy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rasofy View Post
    @Giggly wins the thread
    Yes.

    Real life story:
    The brakes failed in my friend's car and we drove into a sign in a parking lot. Police officer shows up and asks, "Is there a problem?" I answer, "Obviously."

  3. #33
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    I'm driving in the city, take a wrong turn, and end up lost, so I see two people walking their dog and I stop my car and roll the window down and say, "Do you know where Wisconsin Avenue is?" and the woman says to me, "Are you lost?"

    Um, no ... I just like to ride around and stop near random pedestrians and ask them geography questions on a Saturday afternoon ...

  4. #34
    Wake, See, Sing, Dance Cellmold's Avatar
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    At a dinner party say:

    "Is anyone up for nuts? Mine are already on the table"

    At a train station to a small boy:

    "Train tracks taste like liquorice, try it"

    At a funeral:

    "He died as he lived....ugly"

    After the same funeral at the crematorium to the vicar:

    "Do you ever cook food in there? How about some victoria sponge cakes?"

    At a bike marathon after the main group has just collided with each other painfully:

    "YAHTZEE!"

    At an all you can eat buffet that just cost your host £300+ to pay for you take one bite and proclaim:

    "I'm stuffed"

    At a scoliosis charity event, give a speech commending the sufferers ending with:

    "Well done to all of you, give yourself a pat on the back...and take a bow"

    After an extremely fat woman chastises her children for picking flowers from a roadside flower bed by saying "Don't pick those flowers, this is gods green garden"

    You reply, while walking past, with:

    "Salad's grow in gardens"

    ^That one happened.
    'One of (Lucas) Cranach's masterpieces, discussed by (Joseph) Koerner, is in it's self-referentiality the perfect expression of left-hemisphere emptiness and a precursor of post-modernism. There is no longer anything to point to beyond, nothing Other, so it points pointlessly to itself.' - Iain McGilChrist

    Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
    "Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
    Piglet was comforted by this.
    - A.A. Milne.

  5. #35

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    My ass is sore. At anytime. I don't care how much you trained.

  6. #36
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Sitting next to an old lady at a funeral, nudge her and say: "You're next"

  7. #37
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    Who knew Giggly would've been the best at this game.

  8. #38
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    when your friend tells you she's pregnant, the correct response is not usually "on purpose?"

    yeah, I did that one...

    I see your "on purpose?" & I'll raise you a "why?"

    (I said this to an ESFJ friend.. the 2nd & 3rd time she got pregnant)
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

  9. #39
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post
    Who knew Giggly would've been the best at this game.
    Kinda makes sense.. ISFJ are keenly aware of proper decorum- they can easily recognize impropriety. They just typically use the power for "good," haha.

    * applauds @Giggly *
    * throws bouquet of roses *

    encore!
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

  10. #40
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    To an attractive woman at a funeral: "You're OCM™!"

    That's all I've got...

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