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Thread: How much self-confidence is too much self-confidence?

  1. #21
    Queen hunter Array Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Jun 2008
    135 so/sp


    Quote Originally Posted by Metamorphosis View Post
    Obviously, I don't know you in real life so my intention wasn't to insult you or something like that. I was mostly talking from personal experience. Very rarely are people genuinely worried about being too confident. They're worried about being cocky or intimidating. Personally, I am the most intimidating when I'm not comfortable around people (excluding when I'm doing it on purpose) and from your original post it seemed to me like your problem wasn't overconfidence it was overpowering/intimidating people. When you are with your best friends, do you behave like you explained in your original post most of the time, or are you more outgoing and friendly (not talking about family)?

    My comment about being forced was mostly about social situations. Education is great but its still a means to an end (preparation).

    Basically, I disagree with your comment that you need to cover your confidence in order to do
    well socially. In my opinion, the reason why you come across as negative to people is because your confidence is professionally/informationally based and not socially, so the only time you talk is to correct someone when you are sure you have the right info. Your social confidence is low, which is why you don't make small talk. So don't cover your confidence, expand it.

    First why do you think that you are insulting me? Sorry but this is very important for the thread.

    That too intense thing happens rarely because I am not around people much.
    And usually I keep my ideas for myself but if I want to be more social this is not an option any more.

    By hiding self confidence I mean not coming as too intense.
    But you are right I am too formal all the time.

    As for social sphere I think that MBTI can say a lot about my weaknesses.
    I am relatively new to MBTI but tendency is very clear.
    My score on mbti online tests is always INTJ.

    Your Type is
    Introverted Intuitive Thinking Judging
    Strength of the preferences %
    100 88 100 88

    Qualitative analysis of your type formula

    You are:

    •very expressed introvert
    •very expressed intuitive personality
    •very expressed thinking personality
    •very expressed judging personality

    Another test

    INTJ -The Mastermind
    You scored 0% I to E, 5% N to S, 95% F to T, and 21% J to P!

    And I know that those 100% scores are actually 90%.
    I was planning to open a new thread by asking "Is this even possible" but this looks like a good place and time to post it because things are going beneath the surface.
    I know that scores look surreal so I will give examples from real life to back it up. This is not braging this is just saying what the facts are saying.
    And to put it in very short it would be this.

    Introversion : In kinder garden while other kids where playing I was sitting in the corner and drawing Jupiter atmosphere and other bodies of solar system.
    At age of six I started to play videogames and did not care for anything else.
    At age of twenty the entire thing come back to some more normal levels.
    In one moment in high school I was the only person in the class.
    The entire class was made just out of me.
    In my entire life I was at only at a 6 partys and said about 10 sentences on each one. Never had a real friendship.

    Intuition : Intuition is hard to explain but through my entire life I am highly theoretical and I have never done anything complicated whit my arms.
    I can dress myself ,open a tin and smash a rock but that is it.

    Thinking: Most of my life I have spent thinking, 6 hours a day is minimum.
    I think that my empathy level is linked whit this.
    I usually don't laugh to joke unless it is something very funny of very morbid.
    Also I am 23 and I am still waiting for that magical first crush.
    I am starting to wonder will it ever come. I am straight just emotions are not my field. I don't enjoy in beauty of the moment.

    Judging : I know what I want from life and I have created long range plans.
    When I know that I will have some important conversation I plan what I will say.
    And I am always making some plans and improving current ones because of this people see me as a control freak.

    Since I have a long history of living like this I have developed my Antichrist/sarcastic image quite well and to be honest that image served me quite well in hiding my non caring for many things.

    And about small talk I am not bad at it I it is just that I don't watch TV, sport has no impact on me,I am not interested in cars ........ I simply have nothing to say.

    My point is I don't have a social anxiety. It Is just that my head is my only home since I was born.
    But since I am so rational I come to realize that I can't live like this forever and I have started to change. Coming at this forum is one of those changes.

  2. #22
    Senior Member Array ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    May 2007


    As long as confidence bears some relationship to reality, no problem. When it's used to disguise feelings of inferiority (such as in narcissistic personality disorder) then it's harmful to the degree that a person loses touch with their true self. But you might say that's not confidence at all, since it's really rejecting the inner self, not acceptance. Confidence is a belief that you'll be okay with whatever happens and that you're okay with yourself right now, not so much that you'll succeed by someone else's measure of success.

  3. #23
    `~~Philosoflying~~` Array SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Jan 2008


    Lol, this is the third time I've found the need to reference this study!!!

    Unskilled and Unaware of It: How Difficulties in Recognizing One's Own
    Incompetence Lead to Inflated Self-Assessments

    Oh, and Meta, glad you're alive and kicking.

    Your biggest fan,

    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  4. #24
    Queen hunter Array Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Jun 2008
    135 so/sp


    Ok people I think you are stereotyping and making generalizations here. But that is alright by me because you want to be helpful.

    I can spot humor from mile away but it is likely that I will not respond normally to it.
    And since I am so cool most of the time people intentionality trying to make me laugh and my response is always - whatever :rolli:

    Also I know that people laugh much when they are trying to avoid conformation that they have a big problem in their lives. But in cases like this I don't want to be a part of it because I think that would helping them in denial of current situation.
    I think that my approach is not too kind but can help other person a lot.

    I don’t suck at humor at all I just don’t use it too much. I have to manage to make larger groups of people to laugh.

    I will repeat myself. Why do you think that I think am the best person in the world?
    The basic strategy in my life is to presume that I am the weakest one or somewhere in that part of the spectrum.
    For example I have shown myself in my last post more drastic then I actually am.
    Because I don't want too risk and get a «Come on, situation is not that bad» as an answer.
    What would be the end of the thread .
    The fact is that situation is really not that bad. When I say I don't have any friends I mean close friends and that is because I don't follow social rituals. From time to time I play some board games whit other people. I was ultra heavy gamer (and still I am) but that did not stop me from becoming a one of the best people in my class in high school. What I wanted to say whit this is that hypothesis of some posts that I have lost connection whit the real world here is wrong.

    And all of my thinking is about the real world.
    This thinking is like: What is the current status of the world? Scenarios for next 5 years are like ... 10 years ... and the definitive outcome will be like what? Also I pay a lot of attention to details when I am analyzing. I am sorry but I don't do fantasy.

    Here is one good example for my claims.
    As I was growing up my entire family was putting pressure on me that I should be more around people. Because if I don’t change my habits. I will grow up in total idiot.
    I did not change myself at all so my family was thinking that I am idiot who does not know anything.

    But one evening Trivial pursuit came in the house. For those who don't know Trivial pursuit is board game which is testing your knowledge about many things from basic culture.
    Outcome of the game was my total domination and shocked family.
    Even today I can sense that my father did not recover from that game and that evening.
    They were shocked because they realize that I am not the kind of a person which they think I am. I actually know many things. I just don't see purpose in shearing this information whit other people. But even if I do small talk I am trying to put fact in big picture.But many people don't like this very much.

    It looks like my greatest weakness is that I have very large chances to be misunderstood or to fill into some very bad stereotype.

  5. #25
    Earth Exalted Array Thursday's Avatar
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    Mar 2008
    8w9 sp/sx


    since CaptainChick answered your question perfectly
    i will merely say welcome
    i for one am enthused to have another INTJ on the forum
    I N V I C T U S

  6. #26
    Senior Member Array Snowey1210's Avatar
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    Jan 2008


    Hmm, from what I can gather, I think that the question really being raised in this discussion is to do with a level of self-confidence is useful. I think to correctly be able to answer this question you first need to be able to identify what it is that you need this self-confidence for. For example, are you wanting to interact with people more? or are you happy with your current level of introversion?

    I'm not one for making broad generalisations (ok I lied I probably am, lol) but from what I can gather from your posts you are wanting a good level of self-confidence to be understood by correctly by others. The trick I believe is to achieve a healthy balance between self-confidence, your self-ideal and self-awareness. it's this relationship that determines whether you are being over-confidence or rather insincere. There is no problem in being highly confident, in fact I'd say it is beneficial in the majority of areas in life. But as someone identified earlier "doubt" is an important human emotion as it ensures that our thinking double checks itself.

    I think you'll be surpised how much others do understand you, however I think in this context that you can expresse your personality in a way that perhaps is more identifible. That Trivial Pursuit game is a prime example as it demonstrated to others that there was a lot more to you than they initially thought. However it is important to remember that in terms of social etiquette (scary huh!) that these trivial facts (hence the name) are often of no consequence and as such you can't over emphasize their value.

    You need to remember that your family probably has a different frame of reference than you do and as such want you to be more social, as they view this as an important personality trait. However if you feel comfortable in your current situation, and are who you want to be (or near enough) then stick with it. Then all you need to do is express that you are content with who you are somehow (easier said than done I know!) and your family should support you.

    Sorry to sound so preachy I just had a whole bunch of thoughts that I wanted to get out.
    Good Dog Nigel

    Arf, arf, he goes, a merry sight,
    Our little hairy friend,
    Arf, arf, upon the lampost bright
    Arfing round the bend.
    Nice dog! Goo boy,
    Waggie tail and beg,
    Clever Nigel, jump for joy
    Because we're putting you to sleep at three of the clock, Nigel. -John Lennon

  7. #27
    Senior Member Array Grayscale's Avatar
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    Dec 2007


    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Poriferan View Post
    You have too much confidence when your belief in your abilities extends beyond your actual abilities.

    the concept of confidence is, in my opinion, for those who are not inclined towards a more scientific approach, and isn't actually necessary besides appearing such.

    to say "i have confidence" is foolish... it's like saying "i know the answer without hearing the question". consequently, self acceptance is usually misinterpreted as confidence... that, on the other hand, is a mindset that applies to someone's life universally, and allows someone to be themselves and focus on doing their best without fear of failure

  8. #28
    Queen hunter Array Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Jun 2008
    135 so/sp


    I think that I would never spent 20 years of my life between 4 walls if I didn't like it. It looks like I am a "victim" of something called progressive alienation. I think that name says all, so I will not explain it.

    I am quite satisfied whit myself. And my entire life is about intellectual expansion. Also my future job is to be in the middle of nowhere for days and smashing rocks that look interesting.

    But this kind of life has one major flaw.
    The flaw is that I need more intellectual stimulation.

    For example I have came to dead end in many areas of my development and I have nowhere to expand then in social realm.

    I have made conclusion that life is pointless but it is so pointless that it does not even matter that it is pointless.
    Also it looks like that, living forever could be more trouble then it is worth.
    And my F is so undeveloped that I don't feel bad about it and in a way I have become totally self sustainable in psychological sense.

    The only alternative to social expansion would be just to wait for death but that would be too boring even for person like me.

    Actually I am not antisocial I am just very unsocial but extremely inquisitive so there is nothing to sacred to avoid analysis and because of it people see me as antisocial. Since a lot of people say I am antisocial I have accepted this image and I am using it to strike back but paradoxically because of that I appear more normal to other people.

  9. #29
    Senior Member Array NewEra's Avatar
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    Dec 2008


    Too much self-confidence is bad. Because that way, you don't prepare for anything because you think you will do it okay, and then you end up failing.

  10. #30
    Artisan Conquerer Array Halla74's Avatar
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    Jan 2009
    7w8 sx/so


    Self Confidence = GOOD
    Cockiness = BAD

    I too am very self confident, and also very formal. Once I make a good first impression I open up a bit and all rolls forward from there.

    It seems you wish to know how to allow others to perceive you as self confident, but not appear cocky. This is actually a good question. All I can tell you is this.

    MOST people who have only known me for a few short time will tell you I am self confident, smart, funny, and nice.

    SOME people who have only known me for a few short time will tell you I am cocky, smart, and funny.

    I think the differrence in being perceived one way or the other is in your overall demeanor with regard to politeness, willingness to help others, and respect for existing social/organizational norms of your surroundings. If in your initial interactions with people, or better yet if they observe you being a person of good intention and then meet you later, you most likely have a chance of being well received.

    If you end up being the looney genius in the kitchen on the second floor of your building who stumbles across a new hire in the midst of your daily fury then you might freak them out.

    Good luck! I wish you success in your socializing endeavors!

    -The Alex

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