I am in the process of reinventing myself in many ways. My therapist told me this week that my experiences have left me pretty shattered and I can put together whatever pieces I want.
My biggest problem is knowing who and what I want to be. I focused so much on being a father to special needs children that I have lost sense of who I am and what I want to do and be.
I had a decent professional career for awhile in my twenties and thirties, but I gave it up to have something more parent friendly. I enjoyed the money but questioned if I did any good for the world. I was very good at it but unhappy. I could go back and do well and maybe even be happy.
A few years ago, I went back to get another graduate degree, but the field has become extremely poor for job prospects now that I am almost done. I greatly enjoy the field and am extremely good at it, but is it the best use of my talents? I don't know.
Finally, I could go into a related field to both careers, which many have suggested. To do so, I would need to fully engage myself and overcome fears of failure. It would be challenging and rewarding. I just don't know if it would maximize personal happiness. But if I do pursue it, I would have to be willing to put the needs of my wife and children behind my own, something I haven't done in years. However, as my therapist told me, I need to try and maximize myself to fully help my family....they need me to be dynamic and engaged and happy.
Plus, I still need to create myself into the person I want to be outside of career.
Decisions, decisions, decisions....