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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by bologna View Post
    I've complained about this before, and I'm doing it again

    I have two engineering degrees. Loads of people around here are engineers--and "he's an engineer" portrays a certain shoe-gazing, overanalyzing, hypercritical, people-hating stereotype. I'll be honest--I want to be able to point to that and say that it is explicitly "not me." I work in psychological research, which is a much more natural fit for me. So, I eschew the label and rarely bring up my background.
    Funny, I'm an engineer too (although I only have one degree ), and I find the same stereotype hilariously inaccurate. I'm not really sure where it came from, especially the "people-hating". I think if you can sum up the profession as succinctly as possible it's "designing things to help people". That's pretty hard to do well if you hate people.

    I generally don't bring up my background either, unless someone asks specifically. I don't eschew the label, but I don't embrace it either. I don't wear my iron ring for example. I don't even remember what I did with it. It's just a job. It happens to occupy a lot of my time (that's why we call it an occupation, I presume) but people don't need to be reminded of my professional qualifications; I'm not married to it, and I shouldn't be.

    Something else I've learned along the way.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bologna View Post
    I've complained about this before, and I'm doing it again

    I have two engineering degrees. Loads of people around here are engineers--and "he's an engineer" portrays a certain shoe-gazing, overanalyzing, hypercritical, people-hating stereotype. I'll be honest--I want to be able to point to that and say that it is explicitly "not me." I work in psychological research, which is a much more natural fit for me. So, I eschew the label and rarely bring up my background.

    When the girl introduces me as an engineer, I slug her in the arm. When she (not an engineer) says anything that's remotely analytical, I tell her that she's "such an engineer," because, y'know, stereotypes.
    I've been both an engineer and a research scientist. I always find it somewhat amusing when I hear the "such an engineer" line, for example my friend and his wife. I've told people many times "whatever stereotypes people seem to have of engineers, scientists take that levels and levels [and levels!] further!"

  3. #13
    Retired Nicki's Avatar
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    I did it recently. I was always an aggressive girl growing up but a year ago, I decided to embrace a much kinder, wholesome image. I try to play it up as much as possible. I dress a lot more feminine and speak in a higher voice. I also try to copy a lot of my ESFJ mother's mannerisms. I know if I actually want to achieve things, I need to be liked. People make the world go round after all.
    I really like cats and food.

  4. #14
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aleda View Post
    I did it recently. I was always an aggressive girl growing up but a year ago, I decided to embrace a much kinder, wholesome image. I try to play it up as much as possible. I dress a lot more feminine and speak in a higher voice. I also try to copy a lot of my ESFJ mother's mannerisms. I know if I actually want to achieve things, I need to be liked. People make the world go round after all.
    How is this approach working? Do you find people also take you less seriously? How much of it is a useful mask you put on, and how much is real change to the real you inside? I would find something like this very hard to pull off.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  5. #15
    Retired Nicki's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    How is this approach working? Do you find people also take you less seriously? How much of it is a useful mask you put on, and how much is real change to the real you inside? I would find something like this very hard to pull off.
    It's actually working really well. I'm far less offensive and I impress teachers much more easily. People actually take me a bit more seriously since they don't regard me as a loose cannon or anything similar. It hasn't changed me much on the inside, although I find myself a bit more peaceful. I always found it easy to take on the traits of people I admire.
    I really like cats and food.

  6. #16
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Reinvention is like giving birth, and changes that are unnatural have a hard time sticking -- kind of like trying to replate something, but to have it fit and stay, you need to reshape the underlying form as well.

    Typically life pressure/friction is what shapes the inside so that the outer clothes have the possibility to fit, but it takes time, and the clothes still have to match up with the underlying frame.

    I'm still actually in a period of reinvention. Aside from the blatant change, I'm still kind of figuring out who I am. In the last few years, I feel much less compliant than I used to be, and much less willing to tailor my words and actions just to make others comfortable; however in the process I sometimes feel less liked/accepted, and like a "less nice" person than I used to be considered. (I remember Eric B and me discussing humors and the like, and how my situation was kind of an anomaly, but the more I let myself go, the more "typical" in my expected type I feel I'm becoming.) I don't feel as close to people, and I'm not sure how I feel about that; I feel pretty detached, and part of me likes that, part of me doesn't, and part of me isn't sure what to make of it.

    It's not like I didn't have the kinds of thoughts I'm now expressing BEFORE, but now I'm allowing myself to express them and live with the ramifications; also, as I explore and embrace the darker emotions under the surface, I end recognizing more darkness within me, and it's changing who I thought I was. I think that is the most difficult part of change -- when you look in the mirror and don't quite recognize yourself anymore and have no "picture" to reference to KNOW who you are, so you're just basically trying on things until something feels comfortable. Anyway, I think part of becoming more honest about the darker emotions, and more proactive, and taking more control of your life is also becoming less palatable to those who you might be in conflict with. When you're the one being nice and accommodating, you get along with just about everyone except for the socially inept and indifferent; when you've actually got a desire and will and goals and a drive, you will start bumping more heads and have to deal with conflict.... and to succeed in conflict, you need to become tougher and more wily and more relentless.

    So I'm still trying things, and trying to figure out who I want to be, and what tradeoffs I am willing to make.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft
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  7. #17
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    Right now, I trying to reinvent myself.

    i am focusing on changing my physical appearance (wearing make up and perfume more often, changing my diet and exercise).

    Also, I am trying to return to parts of my old self where anxiety and fear didn't rule my life.

  8. #18
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    I started this thread before my divorce, so I guess I did make a big change. Looking back on my life and its effects on me, I feel there is a strong need for me to reinvent myself in an important way. At this point as I deal with the repercussions of pain, I understand the pain and its effects on me quite well. I've analyzed all of it to death, but I'm still living through its effects. The only thing left to do is let go. My rational mind can let go, but our experiences resonate so much deeper into our subconscious minds and bodies. We can experience pain that goes beyond our ability to process, and at that point we have to let it go, or it will manifest in self-destructive ways. The years of being inundated with guilt (first through religion and then relationships) have left me feeling like I don't deserve the positive things that are a part of me, and so I've had trouble being motivated. I feel stagnate, like something inside me died, and it is hard to feel anything. I just need a complete break from the past and feel like a new person.

    I'm completely open right now to whatever that means. I could change careers, location, my appearance, become a drummer, who knows. If I can feel like a different person, perhaps it will make it easier to let go of the past and forget all of it. I'm willing to take a risk, but do have limited time and money, so it will need to be thought through. I'm getting older, so I wish I could fix a few things in my appearance, but can't spend much money doing it. I need something that I never saw coming. I need to change something and make it completely new, but sustainable long-term.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)
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  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by fia View Post
    I started this thread before my divorce, so I guess I did make a big change. Looking back on my life and its effects on me, I feel there is a strong need for me to reinvent myself in an important way. At this point as I deal with the repercussions of pain, I understand the pain and its effects on me quite well. I've analyzed all of it to death, but I'm still living through its effects. The only thing left to do is let go. My rational mind can let go, but our experiences resonate so much deeper into our subconscious minds and bodies. We can experience pain that goes beyond our ability to process, and at that point we have to let it go, or it will manifest in self-destructive ways. The years of being inundated with guilt (first through religion and then relationships) have left me feeling like I don't deserve the positive things that are a part of me, and so I've had trouble being motivated. I feel stagnate, like something inside me died, and it is hard to feel anything. I just need a complete break from the past and feel like a new person.

    I'm completely open right now to whatever that means. I could change careers, location, my appearance, become a drummer, who knows. If I can feel like a different person, perhaps it will make it easier to let go of the past and forget all of it. I'm willing to take a risk, but do have limited time and money, so it will need to be thought through. I'm getting older, so I wish I could fix a few things in my appearance, but can't spend much money doing it. I need something that I never saw coming. I need to change something and make it completely new, but sustainable long-term.
    Being aware of, and open to possibilities is to provide the ground for freedom and truth.

    If you don't like your life, rebuild it.
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  10. #20
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    I've always been in the arts, but I'm thinking of maybe getting a degree in web technology. That would be a huge change but it could also help market the art related work I've already done. I never considered myself that good at programming, but I also never tried it that much. I never had the big picture and so had to approach it with tunnel vision. Also my goal is to live quietly in the forest so this would increase my ability to work online and remotely.

    If anyone else is reinventing their life, feel free to share. This thread is for everyone.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

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