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Thread: What is a bond?

  1. #1
    Wake, See, Sing, Dance Cellmold's Avatar
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    Default What is a bond?

    I would like to hear others understanding and opinions of what defines a bond?

    I tend to hear a great deal about bonds in my daily life and whenever I examine what I always took them to mean, I often find myself coming up short in the bond department. Visiting the glue section of a DIY shop did not bring any answers to fruition either.

    However while I acknowledge that I have a great wealth of love for my family at a platonic level. At the same time I also find myself distant, even from them. A distance that seems to grow with time; I realise that we are just not the same kind of people, our tastes differ, our ideas, our opinions and most of all, our perception of the world.

    Even those I call my friends I feel oddly isolated from, whereas others in my immediate acquaintance seem to have a great store of experiences and associations with their friends and family that explain the strength of the bonds they possess and the depth within them.

    But still I don't really understand it. The world of people sometimes presents itself like dust in my mind and to me they appear as a series of sculptures of varying definition, those I hold more of a bond with are the ones that swim into focus the most. However I am afraid that one day the wind will blow so strongly that the sculptures of the people around me will drift off into the air and I will lose them.

    All of this brings me back to my question: What is a bond? Is it a series of meaningless experiences that we give significance to in order to justify our need for the company of others, so that we may relate to one another in our loneliness? Or is it the iron bind of true humanity, that shows us how it is not that we are different, nor that we need be all the same, but that we accept the differences and similarities and understand the value of both?

    And that through this, we can indeed, perhaps only for a brief moment, understand one another.
    'One of (Lucas) Cranach's masterpieces, discussed by (Joseph) Koerner, is in it's self-referentiality the perfect expression of left-hemisphere emptiness and a precursor of post-modernism. There is no longer anything to point to beyond, nothing Other, so it points pointlessly to itself.' - Iain McGilChrist

    Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
    "Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
    Piglet was comforted by this.
    - A.A. Milne.

  2. #2
    The Iron Giant
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    Quote Originally Posted by AffirmitiveAnxiety View Post
    What is a bond? Is it a series of meaningless experiences that we give significance to in order to justify our need for the company of others, so that we may relate to one another in our loneliness? Or is it the iron bind of true humanity, that shows us how it is not that we are different, nor that we need be all the same, but that we accept the differences and similarities and understand the value of both?
    It seems to me that you're asking WHY is a bond, not WHAT is a bond. Or rather, you want to know what a bond is for.

    What's more notable to me in your post is everything leading up to this. The kinds of real personal connections you're commenting on the lack of were hard for me, too. I chalk it up to being really self centered while I was growing up, and totally detached from the feelings of others. Learning how to freely express empathy changed this. I have a few very close friends now, and it's because when they feel happy and sad, I also feel happy and sad.

    These bonds help me feel supported and understood, and they help me feel like I matter to others and let them feel understood. Both of these feel good. To me, it's as simple as that.

  3. #3
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    My first thought was this


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  4. #4
    Wake, See, Sing, Dance Cellmold's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stephen View Post
    It seems to me that you're asking WHY is a bond, not WHAT is a bond. Or rather, you want to know what a bond is for.

    What's more notable to me in your post is everything leading up to this. The kinds of real personal connections you're commenting on the lack of were hard for me, too. I chalk it up to being really self centered while I was growing up, and totally detached from the feelings of others. Learning how to freely express empathy changed this. I have a few very close friends now, and it's because when they feel happy and sad, I also feel happy and sad.

    These bonds help me feel supported and understood, and they help me feel like I matter to others and let them feel understood. Both of these feel good. To me, it's as simple as that.
    That sounds good, what was the process in reaching this outcome?

    @highlander Haha!
    'One of (Lucas) Cranach's masterpieces, discussed by (Joseph) Koerner, is in it's self-referentiality the perfect expression of left-hemisphere emptiness and a precursor of post-modernism. There is no longer anything to point to beyond, nothing Other, so it points pointlessly to itself.' - Iain McGilChrist

    Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
    "Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
    Piglet was comforted by this.
    - A.A. Milne.

  5. #5
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    I was thinking of mechanical or chemical bonds.

    Not that type.

    Emotional bond, to me is a feeling of loyalty that develops: that an insult to that person is an insult to you, that their success is your success, etc.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  6. #6
    The Iron Giant
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    Quote Originally Posted by AffirmitiveAnxiety View Post
    That sounds good, what was the process in reaching this outcome?
    It is good, it also feels really chaotic and scary at times. I started letting go of my impressions of things and applying serious doubt directly to anything in my life that others challenged. I had to learn to be OK with being wrong, and reassess even those things that I felt very strongly about when presented new information that pointed in another direction. This took a lot of trust in others, I guess. Trust was instrumental in helping me connect with others emotionally. I also learned to be more direct when speaking about my feelings, and to put serious thought into the source of my feelings, which helped me conquer some emotional projection issues I was having. Little of this, little of that.

  7. #7
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AffirmitiveAnxiety View Post
    I would like to hear others understanding and opinions of what defines a bond?

    I tend to hear a great deal about bonds in my daily life and whenever I examine what I always took them to mean, I often find myself coming up short in the bond department. Visiting the glue section of a DIY shop did not bring any answers to fruition either.

    However while I acknowledge that I have a great wealth of love for my family at a platonic level. At the same time I also find myself distant, even from them. A distance that seems to grow with time; I realise that we are just not the same kind of people, our tastes differ, our ideas, our opinions and most of all, our perception of the world.

    Even those I call my friends I feel oddly isolated from, whereas others in my immediate acquaintance seem to have a great store of experiences and associations with their friends and family that explain the strength of the bonds they possess and the depth within them.

    But still I don't really understand it. The world of people sometimes presents itself like dust in my mind and to me they appear as a series of sculptures of varying definition, those I hold more of a bond with are the ones that swim into focus the most. However I am afraid that one day the wind will blow so strongly that the sculptures of the people around me will drift off into the air and I will lose them.

    All of this brings me back to my question: What is a bond? Is it a series of meaningless experiences that we give significance to in order to justify our need for the company of others, so that we may relate to one another in our loneliness? Or is it the iron bind of true humanity, that shows us how it is not that we are different, nor that we need be all the same, but that we accept the differences and similarities and understand the value of both?

    And that through this, we can indeed, perhaps only for a brief moment, understand one another.
    The menstrual bond is far more substantial than that.

    The menstrual bond enables us to emotionally and even unconsciously identify with another.

    To achieve a menstrual bond all we need to do is be in olfactory contact for about 8 hours a day, such as sleeping with someone every night.

    But why have you never been taught about the menstrual bond? It was discovered and delineated in the Walter and Eliza Institute of Medical Research in Melbourne, Australia in the early 60's.

    Gosh, it couldn't be misogyny that has kept it from you, could it?

  8. #8
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AffirmitiveAnxiety View Post
    All of this brings me back to my question: What is a bond? Is it a series of meaningless experiences that we give significance to in order to justify our need for the company of others, so that we may relate to one another in our loneliness? Or is it the iron bind of true humanity, that shows us how it is not that we are different, nor that we need be all the same, but that we accept the differences and similarities and understand the value of both?

    And that through this, we can indeed, perhaps only for a brief moment, understand one another.
    The menstrual bond is far more substantial than that.

    The menstrual bond enables us to emotionally and even unconsciously identify with one another.

    To achieve a menstrual bond all we need to do is be in olfactory contact for about 8 hours a day, such as sleeping with someone every night.

    But why have you never been taught about the menstrual bond? It was discovered and delineated in the Walter and Eliza Institute of Medical Research in Melbourne, Australia in the early 60's.

    Gosh, it couldn't be misogyny that has kept it from you, could it?

  9. #9
    Senior Member pinkgraffiti's Avatar
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    there was a book especifically on that...Liquid Love: On the Frailty of Human Bonds by Zygmunt Bauman. check it out.

    i remember basically that it talked about modern society and how "connections" have replaced "relationships". (not in a negative way btw)

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by pinkgraffiti View Post
    there was a book especifically on that...Liquid Love: On the Frailty of Human Bonds by Zygmunt Bauman. check it out.

    i remember basically that it talked about modern society and how "connections" have replaced "relationships". (not in a negative way btw)
    And another thing they won't tell you is that the pill disrupts menstrual bonding.

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