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  1. #41
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    if the label makes you very self-conscious, I would advise getting re-evaluated for AS. Admittedly, I don't know much about it, but I'm wondering how reliable a dx given at age 4 can be. Some people are just weird kids.

    I'm also seconding what FineLine said about shyness. I had extreme social anxiety for about 7 years, and I know how soul-sucking it can be. Trying to attempt anything else before you find some relief from your anxiety seems like a bad idea.

    I have a question: who do you see yourself in?

  2. #42
    undergoing self-analysis louiesgonnadie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by decrescendo View Post
    if the label makes you very self-conscious, I would advise getting re-evaluated for AS. Admittedly, I don't know much about it, but I'm wondering how reliable a dx given at age 4 can be. Some people are just weird kids.

    I'm also seconding what FineLine said about shyness. I had extreme social anxiety for about 7 years, and I know how soul-sucking it can be. Trying to attempt anything else before you find some relief from your anxiety seems like a bad idea.

    I have a question: who do you see yourself in?
    It's funny you say that, since I got re-evaluated for SSI back in December, and I was denied within 5 seconds, they definitely didn't think I had AS. Then again, they weren't experts on it, and my mom had to fight to get me SSI, which I didn't think I needed either.

    But no, I was pretty fucked up as a child, no joke - I had motor skill delays which prevented me from learning how to swim or ride a bike. I had sensory issues like certain sounds that would irritate me (when I was 3 kids were singing happy birthday, and the notes of the song irritated me so much I threw a major fit, which caused me to get kicked out...and again in another preschool) Certain smells like certain types of paper or metal irritated me so much I couldn't eat around them, or else I felt like I would throw up. To this day I have OCD like symptoms if I touch something that smells unpleasant to me, I feel like I have to wash my hands immediately, and I am sensitive to loud noises. I took things like criticism personally because I'm assuming a part of the brain didn't register it fully - so I had meltdowns because of it. I also had an ADHD dX which made me hyperactive to the point where I was almost out of control, through second grade. I was on 30mg of adderall from ages 8-12 which made me rapidly mature and calm down. I had to start attending a special education/behavioral needs private school ever since I was 9 because according to my mom, "I couldn't function at public schools, my anxiety was so bad I was shitting myself every morning since the fourth grade, and if I stayed I probably would have become retarded or killed myself". Draw your own conclusions from that. I wouldn't say my social issues were that bad, although kids at public schools usually thought I was weird, but that was mostly because teachers treated me like an autistic fuck. I did ok in private school (elementary) socially, I made some friends and people generally had nothing bad to say about me. Not that it matters really.

    And I doubt getting re-evaluated will mean anything. The dude who dXed me at 4 was an autism specialist, he knew a lot about the subject - granted, it was the late 90s and there were many mysteries about it at the time, but still. The fact that it's still on my diagnosis by another shrink also says something.

    And your question, "who do you see yourself in" is tricky. If I admire someone, anyone - I turn into a chameleon and start imitating their personality traits (not as much as before, but it still happens). So I'd say it's pretty broad. But I couldn't tell, because I still feel like I barely know myself.
    "For a minute there, I lost myself...I lost myself."

    LOUIS CK: "We don't think about how we talk"
    http://zenpencils.com/comic/95-louis...t-how-we-talk/

  3. #43
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    Do you have any ideas about how to move forward?

  4. #44
    undergoing self-analysis louiesgonnadie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by decrescendo View Post
    Do you have any ideas about how to move forward?
    It's very foggy, and I change my mind constantly, so, I can't tell. Sorry if this sounds vague.

    I have a question for you - if you were dXed with AS, what would you do? What would you think of yourself then? Would you hide it, or embrace it?

    As a matter of fact, to anyone who reads this - what would you do?
    "For a minute there, I lost myself...I lost myself."

    LOUIS CK: "We don't think about how we talk"
    http://zenpencils.com/comic/95-louis...t-how-we-talk/

  5. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by louiesgonnadie View Post
    It's very foggy, and I change my mind constantly, so, I can't tell. Sorry if this sounds vague.

    I have a question for you - if you were dXed with AS, what would you do? What would you think of yourself then? Would you hide it, or embrace it?

    As a matter of fact, to anyone who reads this - what would you do?
    Not to criticize you, but have you tried multiple approaches or are you just contemplating them? The latter is a terrible idea. These kinds of plans require real-life experimentation, not theorizing.

    This is a hard question to answer because I don't have any significant characteristics of AS, so I can't imagine being diagnosed with it. But in response to the more vague question "How would you respond to being diagnosed with a stigmatized mental/behavioral disorder?",

    Knowing me, I would probably struggle to keep it out of my mind. At the onset, at least, I would subtly shift my self-image to fit it. I'd rely less on what I know of myself and more on vague clinical and cultural expectations of what I'm supposed to be. It's hard to keep categorizations and archetypes from coloring my thoughts.

    But there would always be a part of me fighting against those tendencies. I don't see any reason why a person should feel limited or defined by a diagnosis. The "illness" isn’t something foreign that’s taken over you, but a facet of your self, a phenomena totally contained by and unique to your self. Some people find this disturbing, wishing they had something external to fight, but I find it empowering. It means that you own your problems; you decide how to perceive them, you decide how to approach them. If others disagree with these decisions, have the dignity to stand up for yourself. The social connotations of your disorder may leave you feeling pathological and pigeon-holed, but only if you let them.

    One fantastic thing about having noticeable behavioral/cognitive abnormalities is that you learn a lot about people from observing how they treat you. My brother has highly evident special needs, and I can estimate right off the bat where a person is currently at in terms of acceptance, compassion, ability to interact with those unlike themselves, etc. based on their response to him.

    I have been diagnosed with a few stigmatized behavioral/mood disorders, all of which I’ve more or less recovered from after living with them for almost half of my life. I don’t know why I answered this hypothetically except that I don’t really remember having any reaction to the diagnoses at all -- the symptoms themselves were such an issue for so long, and so long unaddressed, that I probably didn’t care about the labels. And anyway, it’s not like I let the whole world know. I know how ignorant people are about mental health issues. It sucks. You just don’t let people like that too close; you keep your distance, then move on to people who understand.

    Anyway, I hope this is at least somewhat helpful. Short answer to the question: I would neither hide nor embrace it.

  6. #46
    undergoing self-analysis louiesgonnadie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by decrescendo View Post
    Not to criticize you, but have you tried multiple approaches or are you just contemplating them? The latter is a terrible idea. These kinds of plans require real-life experimentation, not theorizing.
    You mean hiding AS? No, not right now have I tried any other approach. I'm comfortable with only hiding it and burying it into the ground, only to undig itself out of a hole again.
    "For a minute there, I lost myself...I lost myself."

    LOUIS CK: "We don't think about how we talk"
    http://zenpencils.com/comic/95-louis...t-how-we-talk/

  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by louiesgonnadie View Post
    You mean hiding AS? No, not right now have I tried any other approach. I'm comfortable with only hiding it and burying it into the ground, only to undig itself out of a hole again.
    No, approaches to revamping your life in general.

  8. #48
    undergoing self-analysis louiesgonnadie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by decrescendo View Post
    No, approaches to revamping your life in general.
    *sigh* I'm not sure. I would like to try different approaches and seeing which one works best, but a part of me is either too scared or too lazy or feels like it won't mean anything.
    "For a minute there, I lost myself...I lost myself."

    LOUIS CK: "We don't think about how we talk"
    http://zenpencils.com/comic/95-louis...t-how-we-talk/

  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by louiesgonnadie View Post
    *sigh* I'm not sure. I would like to try different approaches and seeing which one works best, but a part of me is either too scared or too lazy or feels like it won't mean anything.


    what makes you happiest / what makes you feel best about yourself? is it possible to get a job in an area you're interested in?

  10. #50
    undergoing self-analysis louiesgonnadie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by decrescendo View Post


    what makes you happiest / what makes you feel best about yourself? is it possible to get a job in an area you're interested in?
    I daydream about potential future situations and self transmutations, and chat with strangers on the internet (usually adolescent girls, if not, all the time). This can be a source of confidence, which can put me in another world, at times. Watching videos, eating like a fatass, and the occasional dose of video games can breed temporary satisfaction.

    As far as finding a job/potential career pertaining to an interest - the problem is I'm not interested in anything right now enough to consider a career. And as far as getting any job, I can't, at least until the fall - I have to babysit my 13 year old sister during the summer while my mom works. (That probably sounds silly, babysitting a 13 year old girl)
    "For a minute there, I lost myself...I lost myself."

    LOUIS CK: "We don't think about how we talk"
    http://zenpencils.com/comic/95-louis...t-how-we-talk/

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