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  1. #31
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    what exactly is wrong, if you don't mind my asking?

    edit: nevermind, stupid question. I know you explained in the OP but I was asking if anything had changed.

  2. #32
    Senior Member Idealatious's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by louiesgonnadie;2064641
    [B
    Loneliness is one of the biggest sources, or the central source, for apathy.[/B]
    Any friends I do have view me as an afterthought, or just don't talk to me anymore. Actually, fuck that, I have no friends. Yeah, you can say "who needs them?" but they can be a support system that you can fall back on, whenever you feel worthless. It's pretty sparse in my case.
    I'm only going to talk about the specific things that I think I'm a bit more qualified to talk about, but...

    You probably do have friends. I really and truly get what you mean, particularly about the friends viewing you as an afterthought. I have definitely experienced that. But I also realize that I play a role in their treating me like that. Sometimes they don't contact me much because I never contact them, or because they really are different from me and they don't get that I want them to reach out. For example, I have some friends who never invite me over, but are pretty much always available. If I ask to come over, they're always like "sure," we have a great time, and then they say "you should come over next weekend!" They just don't think to invite me when I'm actually feeling lonely. I'm thinking of asking them to do that and explaining my feelings, because they don't understand that I periodically doubt how much they like me (although it's obvious when I'm with them) and they probably don't realize I feel insecure about being the only one to reach out, so I just stop reaching out sometimes.

    This situation might relate a little bit to your case. It doesn't matter who causes a friendship to slip a bit; both sides should try... and you can only make yourself try. It is good you recognize friends being a support system, because sometimes I also am like "I don't need anybody!!" and sit alone in my room. But what I'm trying to say is: I understand, and think you might have more friends that you think. They might just believe that you would prefer to be more distant friends, unless you show them that you want otherwise.

    Of course, some friends just drift apart for other reasons. But try attempting to revive your friendship first; it might work! They might have no idea that you don't consider them friends! I have one friend who I talk to three times a year and we're pretty good friends...

    I am a dull, lacking, inadequate human being.
    In other words, there is little that is interesting about me, and I have barely anything interesting to talk about. People I find interesting usually don't find me interesting back, either as a romantic interest or a friend. I mean, here and there there have been some girls online that have had interest in me, but I wasn't interested and just pursued them in friend mode, which, well, didn't go so well. I am very likely socially awkward. Fuck, one of my "friends" told me I was about two years ago. Depression has depleted all of my interests, and I basically have to start from scratch. Personality theory could be a step, but most people my age could give a shit about that. In order to attract well-minded people my age, I have to have a balanced interest and knowledge base. Music is one of my huge prospects in the future, but I can't jump start it because I'm still not in an ideal position yet, so I can't buy musical equipment. I live in an house-apartment complex, so I can't get an acoustic drum kit. But most of all, I will feel comfortable with myself if I match my ideals. I am so insecure that I have to have an ideal version of, well...pretty much anything! I don't want to conform to the majority of the crowd who would rather smoke weed until they look like a fucking retard or drink until their speech resembles someone with down syndrome, "fuck bitches" or party dancing to overgenerated psuedo-musical dreck topped with mindless lyrics pertaining to slang. People that center their lives around this are just...worthless, in my eyes. This problem is also linked to loneliness, which demotivates me, linking to apathy. So I'm swimming against the current, trying to better myself, and create a balanced life. I'm fucking sick of it.
    About the bolded: try wearing a shirt with your personality type on it, or sending friends personality tests. Then you have something to talk about.

    About the rest. Hm. You do seem to have some developed theories of how to find friends/interests. How about talking about music rather than creating it? I'm not really into music, but people have intense conversations about their favorite bands and genres. I uh, understand feeling like you're inadequate. I assure you that not everyone has to be a fascinating person in order to be likable, though. And maybe people who smoke weed all the time aren't your ideal friends, but hey, they can be less stereotypical than you'd think. In my opinion, friends with divergent interests are better than no friends (as long as you don't feel obligated to do what they do all the time). Feeling inadequate is something I struggle with too, so don't know what to say.

  3. #33
    Senior Member You's Avatar
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    well, you wrote this long post. you got that
    Oh, its
    You
    ....

  4. #34
    undergoing self-analysis louiesgonnadie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by decrescendo View Post


    what exactly is wrong, if you don't mind my asking?

    edit: nevermind, stupid question. I know you explained in the OP but I was asking if anything had changed.
    I'm worried I'll never find what I'm looking for, and if I'm capable of functioning normally. That disorder I didn't mention plays a role in that.
    Quote Originally Posted by Idealatious View Post
    I'm only going to talk about the specific things that I think I'm a bit more qualified to talk about, but...

    You probably do have friends. I really and truly get what you mean, particularly about the friends viewing you as an afterthought. I have definitely experienced that. But I also realize that I play a role in their treating me like that. Sometimes they don't contact me much because I never contact them, or because they really are different from me and they don't get that I want them to reach out. For example, I have some friends who never invite me over, but are pretty much always available. If I ask to come over, they're always like "sure," we have a great time, and then they say "you should come over next weekend!" They just don't think to invite me when I'm actually feeling lonely. I'm thinking of asking them to do that and explaining my feelings, because they don't understand that I periodically doubt how much they like me (although it's obvious when I'm with them) and they probably don't realize I feel insecure about being the only one to reach out, so I just stop reaching out sometimes.

    This situation might relate a little bit to your case. It doesn't matter who causes a friendship to slip a bit; both sides should try... and you can only make yourself try. It is good you recognize friends being a support system, because sometimes I also am like "I don't need anybody!!" and sit alone in my room. But what I'm trying to say is: I understand, and think you might have more friends that you think. They might just believe that you would prefer to be more distant friends, unless you show them that you want otherwise.

    Of course, some friends just drift apart for other reasons. But try attempting to revive your friendship first; it might work! They might have no idea that you don't consider them friends! I have one friend who I talk to three times a year and we're pretty good friends...



    About the bolded: try wearing a shirt with your personality type on it, or sending friends personality tests. Then you have something to talk about.

    About the rest. Hm. You do seem to have some developed theories of how to find friends/interests. How about talking about music rather than creating it? I'm not really into music, but people have intense conversations about their favorite bands and genres. I uh, understand feeling like you're inadequate. I assure you that not everyone has to be a fascinating person in order to be likable, though. And maybe people who smoke weed all the time aren't your ideal friends, but hey, they can be less stereotypical than you'd think. In my opinion, friends with divergent interests are better than no friends (as long as you don't feel obligated to do what they do all the time). Feeling inadequate is something I struggle with too, so don't know what to say.
    Lol, unless you count friends on the internet. I literally have no one that I'd consider a real friend IRL. Everyone in my life at the moment is annoying as well.

    I lost most interest in personality theory/MBTI. It was probably just a phase, which is another trait of this disorder that I am way too insecure to mention (HINT, hint.) And I'm fairly uneducated due to circumstances, so that makes me much more socially awkward than I already am.

    But the real concern here is if I actually can function normally.
    "For a minute there, I lost myself...I lost myself."

    LOUIS CK: "We don't think about how we talk"
    http://zenpencils.com/comic/95-louis...t-how-we-talk/

  5. #35
    Senior Member Fun in the Sun's Avatar
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    @louiesgonnadie

    I don't know you at all or any of your circumstances, but be open to those that you have in your life even if they are annoying as all hell. You're in college, right? From about the time I was in high school until I graduated college, I felt my family was very annoying and that no one understood me. But, things in life change, they change really, really fast. One day you can't stand someone, then another day they're gone from this life and you're missing them like crazy, wishing you spent more time with them. So what if you only have a few people in your life, especially if they're not abusive and are only annoying, they're alive. Enjoy what you have in life. I wish you well.


  6. #36
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    no offense but reading the OP you sound like 90-80% of the people I know, so I put you in the catagory of normal, no offense. But you seem fine, everyone goes through this shit. I have a few Dxes my self, and I'm a pretty normal human of society
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  7. #37
    undergoing self-analysis louiesgonnadie's Avatar
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    Okay, I know it seems like I'm attention whoring now since I'm bumping this thread but I did more self reflecting, and I realized that none of you will ever know me in person, so I really have nothing to lose no matter what I reveal about myself.

    So fuck it, here's that disorder that I didn't feel like mentioning. At age 4, I was dXed with Aspergers (AS). Now, since AS was eliminated it's apparently Level 1 Autism, even though I'm not sure if I have that yet since I haven't gone over the DSM V with my psychiatrist, but knowing her, I think she'll dX me with it. But, I feel immensly insecure about my AS dX, to the point where I feel so uncomfortable about this label that it's all I can think about most of the time, I cannot focus on anything else without being reminded of something that links to this dillemma. For example: I'll be watching TV and there's this guy, and all of a sudden I think "Oh, well he's lucky he doesn't have a form of Autism." I got approved for social security disability 2 weeks ago, mainly based on my past (which I thought was kind of ignorant considering the fact that they had no snapshot of what my work skills were like, since I never had a job due to being homeless for 5 years and other circumstances). It's concerning the fuck out of me based on my capabilities. I have this mentality that if I can't be who I want to be in life, or am not capable of functioning "normally" in society, I'll just give up on life and smoke weed for the rest of eternity. I'm paranoid because of that. And yes, I do a reasonable job at hiding the symptoms, and I do look like I really don't have it, but in the end I feel like I'm hiding a part of myself and it doesn't feel authentic - but sometimes it might slip out (i.e. when someone is starting to get to know me well, I suspect they detect something is 'off' about me, and because of this I don't think I'm very good at holding a friendship or potential friendship).

    Worst of all, I feel like a subspecies of human. I feel inferior compared to the neurotypical, "normal" population. This is shattering my self esteem and discouraging me to better my well being.

    I used to be in denial of having this, and in a way, I'm still not entirely sure about having it, mainly because, while undeniably, at least somewhat socially awkward (if you talked with me in person, in my opinion, I think there's a chance you'd pick up on something off), I didn't currently resonate with the social stereotypes - I always thought my problem was not having anything interesting to talk about, which left dead ends for me in conversations - so that of course created a moderate anxiety. But my interests get so fucking narrow and it's hard for me to really consider and get involved in something else when I'm hyperfocusing on one or two particular things - for example, earlier this year, I was so into Jung typology to the point where I was (usually) blocking out all of my other interests and occupations - so, that of course left me with mostly nothing interesting to talk about and no energy to really talk about anything else - all of my energy was consumed on my interest, which I got passionate about at times (could be a case of strong Fi in me also). So who knows, maybe those narrow interests in "aspies" (fucking retarded nickname anyway) don't set the table for most social material, or piles on in one area, thus, "aspies" appear socially awkward because they don't have a lot to say besides their special, narrow interest? Nevertheless, there's a strong case for my aspergers/autism/DAFUQ dX. And my history says more but I'll leave it at that, since then this tangent would have turned a good 90 degrees from where it started.

    I'm running myself into the ground. You could say I'm feeling sorry for myself, and to an extent you're probably right, but go read about aspergers/HFA stories on reddit or Yahoo answers or bumblefuck and maybe you'll see why I'm so paranoid, concerned, and depressed over my well being and life.

    So yeah, if you were thinking everything I was going through was all normal after effects of a traumatic situation a teenager went through, suddenly having to prepare for the cruel "real" world - well sorry to say, it's not. I'm not - my life is a lie, and I am too - cognitively.

    There you have it. I know this thread really has turned into a pity party, but I felt like I had to get this out - off my chest, especially.
    "For a minute there, I lost myself...I lost myself."

    LOUIS CK: "We don't think about how we talk"
    http://zenpencils.com/comic/95-louis...t-how-we-talk/

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    Quote Originally Posted by louiesgonnadie View Post
    Okay, I know it seems like I'm attention whoring now since I'm bumping this thread but I did more self reflecting, and I realized that none of you will ever know me in person, so I really have nothing to lose no matter what I reveal about myself. [...]
    My teenage niece has AS. Actually, though, most of my experience of AS is when I was a member of Mensa (the high-IQ society). I don’t know if there’s a correlation between AS and high IQs, but some people in Mensa jokingly call AS “the Mensa syndrome.”

    Anyway, the upshot is that everyone in Mensa was pretty comfortable with AS. Also, Mensa members with AS were pretty open about their AS. For instance, it was normal for someone to speak up and say, “Hey, I have AS. I couldn’t tell if what you said was sarcasm or not. Could you clarify that?” Or “Hey, I have AS and I didn’t understand that joke. Could you explain it to me?” And people were always happy to oblige.

    People with AS seemed to be a big presence on Mensa message boards. I guess it was a good low-pressure environment for AS people to socialize a bit and practice their social skills. Sometimes they tended to come off as attention-whores because they had a difficult time knowing when they were over-posting on a subject. But since they were generally experts in their fields of interest, they were welcome among Mensans. (Mensans like anyone with a deep knowledge of an esoteric field.) Again, it was helpful when they explained that they had AS and asked for clarifications about communications, because then the communications were more effective and useful for everyone.

    I’ve let my membership with Mensa lapse in the last couple years since I moved away from any active chapters. So I’m not currently involved with them. But I’m thinking that you could use a similar modus operandi for on-line communications. That is:

    1) Look for specialized message boards and forums in those subjects where you have an interest and have done some study and hyperfocus, and you’ll probably get a positive reception on those message boards as a kind of expert on that subject. Case in point: If you’ve been studying up on Jung and/or MBTI, then by all means feel free to contribute to threads on those subjects at this message board.

    2) When you’re posting, go ahead and let people know that you have AS and ask questions about their communications if you want. Your AS doesn’t represent a hardship for us; if anyone has any questions about AS, you can just explain that AS leaves you a little weak on things like nuances, sarcasm, certain types of humor, etc. and leave it at that. If anyone has any further questions, there are a million resources on the Internet concerning AS that they can research at their leisure.

    3) As you get used to socializing on the Internet, perhaps you’ll find new interests for further study and/or a future career. Also, as you get more confidence socializing on the Internet, maybe it will give you more confidence to socialize in real life.

    4) As I already mentioned, there are a million resources on the Internet concerning AS. If you’re having trouble with school or with other facets of life due to AS, I would think there would be forums and places where other people with AS might be able to provide you some ideas or coping strategies.

    To sum up:

    Naturally, I can’t say what it’s like to be in your shoes and have AS. But I can tell you that it’s no trouble at all for me as an outsider to deal with and interact with someone with AS. If any awkwardness arises or you’re just not sure how you’re appearing to others, then just put your AS out there. Tell people, “Hey look, I have AS and sometimes I don’t know how I’m coming off to people. So feel free to tell me if my interactions are awkward for you.” And then if people have questions about your AS, that’s cool too. Most people have heard of AS; if they want to ask questions, then welcome the opportunity to use your AS as a legitimate topic of conversation by itself.

    Just my advice and experience from rubbing shoulders with AS folks in Mensa.

  9. #39
    undergoing self-analysis louiesgonnadie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FineLine View Post
    My teenage niece has AS. Actually, though. most of my experience of AS is when I was a member of Mensa (the high-IQ society). I don’t know if there’s a correlation between AS and high IQs, but some people in Mensa jokingly call AS “the Mensa syndrome.”

    Anyway, the upshot is that everyone in Mensa was pretty comfortable with AS. Also, Mensa members with AS were pretty open about their AS. For instance, it was normal for someone to speak up and say, “Hey, I have AS. I couldn’t tell if what you said was sarcasm or not. Could you clarify that?” Or “Hey, I have AS and I didn’t understand that joke. Could you explain it to me?” And people were always happy to oblige.

    People with AS seemed to be a big presence on Mensa message boards. I guess it was a good low-pressure environment for AS people to socialize a bit and practice their social skills. Sometimes they tended to come off as attention-whores because they had a difficult time knowing when they were over-posting on a subject. But since they were generally experts in their fields of interest, they were welcome among Mensans. (Mensans like anyone with a deep knowledge of an esoteric field.) Again, it was helpful when they explained that they had AS and asked for clarifications about communications, because then the communications were more effective and useful for everyone.

    I’ve let my membership with Mensa lapse in the last couple years since I moved away from any active chapters. So I’m not currently involved with them. But I’m thinking that you could use a similar modus operandi for on-line communications. That is:

    1) Look for specialized message boards and forums in those subjects where you have an interest and have done some study and hyperfocus, and you’ll probably get a positive reception on those message boards as a kind of expert on that subject. Case in point: If you’ve been studying up on Jung and/or MBTI, then by all means feel free to contribute to threads on those subjects at this message board.

    2) When you’re posting, go ahead and let people know that you have AS and ask questions about their communications if you want. Your AS doesn’t represent a hardship for us; if anyone has any questions about AS, you can just explain that AS leaves you a little weak on things like nuances, sarcasm, certain types of humor, etc. and leave it at that. If anyone has any further questions, there are a million resources on the Internet concerning AS that they can research at their leisure.

    3) As you get used to socializing on the Internet, perhaps you’ll find new interests for further study and/or a future career. Also, as you get more confidence socializing on the Internet, maybe it will give you more confidence to socialize in real life.

    4) As I already mentioned, there are a million resources on the Internet concerning AS. If you’re having trouble with school or with other facets of life due to AS, I would think there would be forums and places where other people with AS might be able to provide you some ideas or coping strategies.

    To sum up:

    Naturally, I can’t say what it’s like to be in your shoes and have AS. But I can tell you that it’s no trouble at all for me as an outsider to deal with and interact with someone with AS. If any awkwardness arises or you’re just not sure how you’re appearing to others, then just put your AS out there. Tell people, “Hey look, I have AS and sometimes I don’t know how I’m coming off to people. So feel free to tell me if my interactions are awkward.” And then if people have questions about your AS, that’s cool too. Most people have heard of AS; if they want to ask questions, then welcome the opportunity to use your AS as a legitimate topic of conversation by itself.

    Just my advice and experience from rubbing shoulders with AS folks in Mensa.
    I agree with you - and your story is very cool! But the problem is my overwhelming insecurity about it. And I do realize how I'm coming off to someone, actually - I'm so self conscious to the point where I analyze constantly how someone is reacting to my presence. So I can tell if someone looks bored or uninterested if I am speaking. I don't ramble on about my interests to other people - sometimes I even feel stupid about what I'm interested in. But back to the point - I don't trust anyone right off the bat, at all - and people are so fucking ignorant about subjects like this, so no, not at all, I will never mention to anyone that I have this crapola of a disorder, unless I become very close with someone (probably as a romantic interest). I REALLY don't want this shit to be the basis of every problem I encounter in life.

    And my problem is getting out more - a bad situation has left me sheltered in the past, and I am stuck in that rut, even years later.

    Maybe it's all in my head, maybe I'm over-paranoid. And you know what, that's the best I can hope for!
    "For a minute there, I lost myself...I lost myself."

    LOUIS CK: "We don't think about how we talk"
    http://zenpencils.com/comic/95-louis...t-how-we-talk/

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    Quote Originally Posted by louiesgonnadie View Post
    I agree with you - and your story is very cool! But the problem is my overwhelming insecurity about it. And I do realize how I'm coming off to someone, actually - I'm so self conscious to the point where I analyze constantly how someone is reacting to my presence. So I can tell if someone looks bored or uninterested if I am speaking. I don't ramble on about my interests to other people - sometimes I even feel stupid about what I'm interested in. But back to the point - I don't trust anyone right off the bat, at all - and people are so fucking ignorant about subjects like this, so no, not at all, I will never mention to anyone that I have this crapola of a disorder, unless I become very close with someone (probably as a romantic interest). I REALLY don't want this shit to be the basis of every problem I encounter in life.

    And my problem is getting out more - a bad situation has left me sheltered in the past, and I am stuck in that rut, even years later.

    Maybe it's all in my head, maybe I'm over-paranoid. And you know what, that's the best I can hope for!
    Fair enough. I've seen AS folks using those strategies at Mensa. If they don't work for you, that's fine. Maybe they'll be useful at a different time in your life or in certain environments. After all, in a way you're using those strategies now by talking about your AS in this thread.

    Another option would be to go in exactly the opposite direction and treat your condition as a giant case of shyness, or "over-paranoia" as you said. I particularly noticed what you said here:

    Quote Originally Posted by louiesgonnadie View Post
    [...] And I do realize how I'm coming off to someone, actually - I'm so self conscious to the point where I analyze constantly how someone is reacting to my presence. So I can tell if someone looks bored or uninterested if I am speaking. [...]
    That quote reminds me of a new theory on shyness that I was reading about.

    Bernardo J. Carducci, Ph.D. runs a Shyness Research Institute at Indiana University Southeast. He wrote a book entitled "Shyness: A Bold New Approach."

    Among other things, Carducci points out that shy people are basically self-centered people. They analyze everything they do as though they were on stage and the center of attention, under the pressure of spotlights and subject to a critical audience. But the truth of the matter is that no one really cares what they do. Other people see the shy person *not* as the center of attention but rather just another anonymous audience member watching *their* performance.

    Overthinking and overanalyzing one’s own performance is a hallmark of shy people, and shy people need to find ways to cut that out and move on. “A good time was had by all.” And that’s the end of it.

    If you want to read more about it, I wrote up a long post on the subject here: http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=1#post1386324

    I know it’s a stretch to go from AS to shyness. But Carducci identifies a number of thought processes that occur with morbid shyness, and I talk about them in that longer post of mine; check it out and see if your thought processes match the thought processes identified by Carducci. It might provide a direction for further research.

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