I am a dull, lacking, inadequate human being.
In other words, there is little that is interesting about me, and I have barely anything interesting to talk about. People I find interesting usually don't find me interesting back, either as a romantic interest or a friend. I mean, here and there there have been some girls online that have had interest in me, but I wasn't interested and just pursued them in friend mode, which, well, didn't go so well. I am very likely socially awkward. Fuck, one of my "friends" told me I was about two years ago. Depression has depleted all of my interests, and I basically have to start from scratch. Personality theory could be a step, but most people my age could give a shit about that.
In order to attract well-minded people my age, I have to have a balanced interest and knowledge base. Music is one of my huge prospects in the future, but I can't jump start it because I'm still not in an ideal position yet, so I can't buy musical equipment. I live in an house-apartment complex, so I can't get an acoustic drum kit. But most of all, I will feel comfortable with myself if I match my ideals. I am so insecure that I have to have an ideal version of, well...pretty much anything! I don't want to conform to the majority of the crowd who would rather smoke weed until they look like a fucking retard or drink until their speech resembles someone with down syndrome, "fuck bitches" or party dancing to overgenerated psuedo-musical dreck topped with mindless lyrics pertaining to slang. People that center their lives around this are just...worthless, in my eyes. This problem is also linked to loneliness, which demotivates me, linking to apathy. So I'm swimming against the current, trying to better myself, and create a balanced life. I'm fucking sick of it.