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  1. #1
    Guerilla Urbanist Brendan's Avatar
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    Default Did I do the right thing?

    My boss has a habit of mouthing off when she shouldn't. She likes to scream obsceneties and prejudicial slurs when she gets mad at you. On several occasions, she's said, "BRENDAN YOU FAGOT WHY AREN'T YOU DONE [insert work-related chore here]."

    Last Friday when me and two of my friends were at her house, drinking (this was when I took the picture I most recently posted in the What We Look Like thread) she started saying gay this, gay that. When I told her to "STOP FUCKING USING SEXUALITY AS AN INSULT," she called me a fagot.

    I started screaming and shouting at her and I also started to tear up. Being drunk had simply allowed me to release anger and resentment that had built up over the years, and I didn't really release all of it, otherwise I probably would have killed her... Seriously.

    I punched her in the collarbone, only because I didn't want to break her nose. Keep in mind, she is, for all intents and purposes, a five year old boy with a Hell of alot of work ethic. She's hit me before, playfully, and she has, a couple of times, raised her fist at me in anger.

    She also hasn't really noticed that I've gone through this change recently, where once again I'm becoming even more like my father than before, in that, I don't put up with bullshit like that.

    So anyway, the matter in question is about today at work. She was sick, the people at the store the night before didn't do what they were supposed to and we had none of the food. When we got a rush, and things weren't going exactly as quickly as they were supposed to, she finally decided it was a good idea to direct her frustration at me.

    "Brendan, I can't stand working with you," she said.

    I replied, "...thanks."

    "Well I'm just sayin'!"

    "Well think of it this way, Karrie: I'll be gone next week, so maybe you should not complain at me."

    "Brendan maybe if you weren't such a pussy all the time..."

    I looked her square in the eye, got 6 inches from her face, gave her the english equivalent of "fuck off," which is the same hand gesture as "peace out" in the United states and said, "Peace out, girl scout."

    She shouted after me not to leave, in an appologetic tone, but I kept walking.

    I already have another job. I start it today, and I'm stressed out. I'm also stressed out over a guy I've started seeing, and well, this shit wasn't helping. It was completely unprofessional, and even then, even if we weren't in a work environment, it still would have pissed me off.

    All I have to lose in this situation is her as a reference in future job searches, and our friendship, which wasn't really solid to begin with. Sorry, but I don't like assholes.

    So was I justified? I think so, but I'm not entirely sure.
    There is no such thing as separation from God.

  2. #2
    Senior Member nottaprettygal's Avatar
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    The "right" thing to do would have been to burn down the store.

    But yeah, you acted unprofessionally and so did she. But solely from a legal standpoint, she's asking for trouble by insulting her employees verbally and physically.

    So yeah, you did fine.

  3. #3
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    I don't know, Brendan. It's more a matter of whether you think you can live with what you did and how things unfolded.

    Maybe you could have made the decision to quit in a way where you did not feel so out-of-control or driven by emotion (and then maybe you wouldn't feel as bad right now).

    But honestly, her behavior as your boss was abusive and completely unprofessional. She expressed none of the tact whatsoever that you at least attempted. She felt like it was her prerogative, when she was upset, just to bad-mouth and lash out at everyone around her, and on a very personal level.

    (I'm not sure how the continual "faggot" comments would go over publicly nowadays. Some were off-hours, but some seemingly were on the clock... that's bad, it could be a lawsuit waiting to happen.)

    In any case, from an impersonal POV, it looks like she got what was coming to her. I'm surprised you tolerated her abuse that long.

    If it helps you feel better, maybe you could write her a note explaining in a more rational way what bothered you, why you left, that you can't work under that atmosphere, and wish her luck?
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  4. #4
    Guerilla Urbanist Brendan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I don't know, Brendan. It's more a matter of whether you think you can live with what you did and how things unfolded.

    Maybe you could have made the decision to quit in a way where you did not feel so out-of-control or driven by emotion (and then maybe you wouldn't feel as bad right now).

    But honestly, her behavior as your boss was abusive and completely unprofessional. She expressed none of the tact whatsoever that you at least attempted. She felt like it was her prerogative, when she was upset, just to bad-mouth and lash out at everyone around her, and on a very personal level.

    (I'm not sure how the continual "faggot" comments would go over publicly nowadays. Some were off-hours, but some seemingly were on the clock... that's not bad, it could be a lawsuit waiting to happen.)

    In any case, from an impersonal POV, it looks like she got what was coming to her. I'm surprised you tolerated her abuse that long.

    If it helps you feel better, maybe you could write her a note explaining in a more rational way what bothered you, why you left, that you can't work under that atmosphere, and wish her luck?
    I don't regret doing it, I'm just not sure wether I was too easy on her, too hard on her, whatever, but I meant what I said.

    I won't waste my time and energy explaining something so elementary to someone who's supposed to be my superior, though. Especially not when I've explained it to her time and time again, and on top of that, she'll send you home immediately if you call her a bitch even in jest.
    There is no such thing as separation from God.

  5. #5
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    In light of all that, I think what you did was fair, and she might think twice the next time before treating people that way.

    Maybe. (Some people need to be hit a few times before they "get it.")
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  6. #6
    Senior Member ptgatsby's Avatar
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    You were nicer than I would of been, simply because I wouldn't of been emotional about it (nor drunk, nor friends ).

    Walking out was the correct thing to do, simply because you felt it was needed. You don't need people in your life that make you feel that way. There is no other justification needed. How you handled it... well, as I say, I would of done it differently from the start... but I don't see that as important.

  7. #7
    shoshaku jushaku rivercrow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nottaprettygal View Post
    But yeah, you acted unprofessionally and so did she. But solely from a legal standpoint, she's asking for trouble by insulting her employees verbally and physically.
    From a legal standpoint, I think she'd be in trouble having underage kids drinking at her house.

    She would be in any of the States I've lived in, anyway.
    Who rises in the morning, looks in the mirror and says, "I think I will do something stupid today?" -- James Hollis
    If people never did silly things nothing intelligent would ever get done. -- Ludwig Wittgenstein
    Whaling is illegal in Oklahoma.

  8. #8
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    It's all good in intent but two wrongs don't make a right. If you had done exactly the same thing while remaining calm and respectful of her, it would not only have had much more impact but you would have walked out feeling better for it.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Alienclock's Avatar
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    I think you did her and her company a big favor by not suing them. Everything she did and said was completely unacceptable. Losing your cool, probably is not the safest thing to do, because you can get yourself in trouble. I don't know what to say except her insults, her having you possibly underage and drinking in her house, her being your boss, all sounds really like the kind of situations folks should avoid.

    You did fine, just don't let people push your buttons or cause you to lose control, cause you could end up in trouble.
    "May our ability to smell be greater than our propensity to stink."

  10. #10
    shoshaku jushaku rivercrow's Avatar
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    Meh--better get this out of his system now before he's in his 30s and makes a real mess of things.
    Who rises in the morning, looks in the mirror and says, "I think I will do something stupid today?" -- James Hollis
    If people never did silly things nothing intelligent would ever get done. -- Ludwig Wittgenstein
    Whaling is illegal in Oklahoma.

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