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  1. #11
    Oberon
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    Quote Originally Posted by nottaprettygal View Post
    I honestly can't imagine why people would want a huge elaborate wedding.
    For the same reason my three-year-old daughter puts on her favorite dress and a flower hairband and her good shoes and comes to me and says "Daddy, look at me!"

    And I know what she wants, and so I tell her she's a princess and I marvel out loud over how beautiful she is. And she beams, because at some level she's just all about being beautiful.

    Many weddings are nothing more than this same ritual writ large... and by that I mean no criticism.

  2. #12
    Senior Member nottaprettygal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by oberon View Post
    Many weddings are nothing more than this same ritual writ large... and by that I mean no criticism.
    I understand. However, I still wonder what percentage of people pull their hair out planning a grand wedding because that is what they want, and what percentage do it because they feel pressure from family or friends or because they have the mindset of "this is the way it's supposed to be."

  3. #13
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nottaprettygal View Post
    I understand. However, I still wonder what percentage of people pull their hair out planning a grand wedding because that is what they want, and what percentage do it because they feel pressure from family or friends or because they have the mindset of "this is the way it's supposed to be."
    That's somewhat what Rose did. It was grueling. Sigh.

    Although, in their favor, in their part of New Jersey, all of her friends with rich parents were spending $25-30K on the entire wedding or more.

    She and her parents only spent $12K. (in 1992)

    *choke*

    I think sometimes hindsight speaks volumes, and people realize that if they were ever to do it again, "getting everything right" was less important than being together.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  4. #14
    Senior Member nottaprettygal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    That's somewhat what Rose did. It was grueling. Sigh.

    Although, in their favor, in their part of New Jersey, all of her friends with rich parents were spending $25-30K on the entire wedding or more.

    She and her parents only spent $12K. (in 1992)

    *choke*

    I think sometimes hindsight speaks volumes, and people realize that if they were ever to do it again, "getting everything right" was less important than being together.
    Interesting. I'm curious about how many people are influenced by the wedding hype. There are so many TV shows about weddings, and people feel the need to compete with their friends, and the myth that it's the "happiest day of your life" keeps continuing. It's silly.

    I only agreed to have a reception because a) I wasn't paying and b) We really needed money. Even those things were barely enough to convince me.

  5. #15
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nottaprettygal View Post
    Interesting. I'm curious about how many people are influenced by the wedding hype. There are so many TV shows about weddings, and people feel the need to compete with their friends, and the myth that it's the "happiest day of your life" keeps continuing. It's silly.
    The bolded was the biggest -- it had to be done "right" even if they were not competing.

    But also, when the entire extended family expects to be invited to this thing and it is considered to be a social faux pas to leave someone out, well, you are rather hosed unless you are born into a different style of family or can take the friction.

    I think we had 150 people at our reception and more at the wedding. 150 was hard to keep to, there were some people who expected invites that had to be cut, and then it was all about Fe-style diplomacy to somehow smooth it all over.

    Just... nutty.

    I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to keep things down, and just focus on the two of you.

    We did not even get to see people at our reception -- the photographer ran late, we got to the hall late, things were scheduled out so tightly, and we barely got time to talk to anyone before the room was being rented out to someone else.

    Back then, I just flexed so much to everything; but as I talk about it, I think I find it just horrible and will advise my kids of such, so that they can take everything into account when the time comes. The day could have been so much better.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  6. #16
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    We originally eloped and were married at the Key West court house, my personal fav. Our traditional wedding was at a quaint non denominational church in Coconut Grove Fl. 50 guests were invited and and we spent more than we had wanted to (took us several years to pay that off). Hind site it was more than was needed since we were already married, but I let myself get talked into having a Church wedding and fancy shmancy reception so our families wouldn't feel left out.

    If I had it to do over again I would have a few friends and family only, rented out a penthouse suite at Grove Isle, catered food, hired a DJ and called it a day. I work in the wedding industry and I can tell you that most of my clients are spoiled brats who've been led to think that life is a fairy tale. Spending tons of money doesn't guarantee a life long happy marriage so, I say have a small wedding (if you must) and spend the majority of the money on a down payment for a house and take a nice honeymoon.

    Also do what YOU want. Do what makes you happy. It is your wedding after all.

    Us-



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    Time is a delicate mistress.

  7. #17
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nottaprettygal View Post
    Since we're not religious, we just got married at the courthouse. However, I was still extremely nervous. A couple of months after, we had a reception because my parents really wanted to celebrate with my entire family. The planning didn't stress me out, but being the center of attention certainly did. Other than the first dance and greeting the guests one-by-one as they came in the door, we did our best to lay low.

    I honestly can't imagine why people would want a huge elaborate wedding.
    Ugh. I'm not even currently dating anyone and the idea of being centre of attention while getting all prettied up and having a day centred around my feelings (because really, you're declaring your love publically) makes my heart pound uncomfortably in my chest. Essentially all my cousins are younger on both sides, and the potential for being the first to get married from my generation on at least one side is very high. Which means expectations galore from extended family, and they all live in the area from both sides and get together regularly.

    I can't decide if it's a more intelligent decision to just go standard-traditional and cut my losses, or if it's more intelligent to buck against the expectations and have a wedding the way I'd like it (reaallly laid back, not very intense, set up so I can use humour to deflect my uncomfortability with the fact that there's a day celebrating my feelings*, and very very quick so it's over ASAP) but have to deal with my neurotic and unhealthy INFJ grandmother, my ISFJ mother, my extended family who want their kids to attend a "real wedding" when it happens... the latter I can see people knowing exactly how stressed I am about the wedding, and then that making me a billion times more stressed...

    ugh. I want to get married one day. I don't want to have a wedding. Two completely different things.


    *Not that I see this as the point of a wedding, but that's what my stress levels will be focused on.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  8. #18
    We all got it comin' kid Delilah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I think over-planning a wedding and trying to control all the details makes it very stressful... especially when lots of money is involved.

    The simpler, the better. Isn't it supposed to be about enjoying the day and not trying to "get everything right?"
    Simple is good. I have an SJ mom and sister who took care of all that other shit. The original plan was go to the courthouse (after being together on and off for 9 years, having a kid on my own and one together, buying a house and living together, only to find that it was in our best interest for tax purposes to get that piece of paper) so we called the fam, told them we were finally doing it and then the SJs took over and threw together a little church wedding in a week.
    Flowers, dress, cake, everything.
    We did have a kegger about a month later for the friends and family that could not attend.
    We drank.
    As well you should when you fall into the never ending pit of pain nad misery that they call marriage.
    But I'm not bitter.

    *cracking a beer and slamming it*
    *clinging to my face like a starfish of love* ....... PinkPiranha

  9. #19
    heart on fire
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    Got married as some others did, at the courthouse, on the cheap, which was what I wanted and it was important to me. I cannot stand the idea of a lavish, expensive wedding. It is a prententious waste in my opinion and falling for marketing to people who could spend that money on starting out in life.

    My in-laws took over my wedding day and turned it into a nightmare. I was young and inexperienced, didn't stand up for myself very well back then and they are uber pushy and clueless rude people for the most part.

    The marriage, however, is the important thing, not just one day.

  10. #20
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    Got married as some others did, at the courthouse, on the cheap, which was what I wanted and it was important to me. I cannot stand the idea of a lavish, expensive wedding.

    My in-laws took over my wedding day and turned it into a nightmare. I was young and inexperienced, didn't stand up for myself very well back then and they are uber pushy and clueless rude people for the most part.

    The marriage, however, is the important thing, not just one day.
    Seems like quite a few of us are in agreeance that eloping is the way to go.

    heart, sorry to hear your inlaws did that to you guys. Hopefully they're not too involved in your lives now.
    Time is a delicate mistress.

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