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  1. #21
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Hm. I'm digging on it.
    I feel like.. if you are too afraid of being hated, too keen on being loved, then why should anyone really have the balls to love you? To me it sounds like a lack of security in self and a lack of following through in one's guidelines just for the sake of being loved. Not to say everyone has something they need to be hated for, but not fearing the potential of it is what sets some people apart from others.

    It resonates in my little ENFJ core because of the common sentiment of self-sacrifice for the sake of harmony, but that quickly reverts back to being a hollow pillar in most cases. A sort of.. stand up through me, though I cannot hold myself up, and we will see how far we tumble in later days.
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


    .:: DWTWD ::.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    2011 TypeC Exercise Challenge - My Weekly Goals: Cardio 4x. Yoga/Pilates 1x. Pushups 70.

    There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked - It is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance

  2. #22
    Senior Member Viridian's Avatar
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    ...Well, s#*%.
    Tentative typing: ISFJ 6w5 or 9w1 (Sp/S[?]).

  3. #23
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    My thoughts are that who is to judge whether I "deserve" to be loved? You just are loved or are you aren't, there is no deserve,a nd why is this chump judging other people's love anyway?

    Also my thought is I just do what I want and don't think about whether I will be hated or loved. The latter is nice and the former is inconvenient, but in either case, you are defining your own life by someone else's standards and not your own.

    Don't seek conflict, but don't change course to avoid it. Don't reject love, but don;t change your course to get it.

  4. #24
    Senior Member iNtrovert's Avatar
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    Your SO will hate you if you * insert unforgivable act here*. You want to do it but you refrain form doing it because you "don't have the balls" to be hated. So wouldn't the denial of you own personal desires to avoid being hated by those you care about make you worthy of love? Putting what you want aside and being considerate of others because you don't want them to think poorly of you makes you less worthy of love? Maybe i'm reading too much into this the quote it is rather general. My interpretation is more or less along the lines of "If you don't have the courage or self worth to go against the expectations of others knowing that they will hate you, you are not worthy of being praised or loved for the actions you do take." To that i'd have to disagree.It takes more strength and discipline to deny your own interest for the sake of others or than it does to yield to them. I don't think there is anything wrong with being considerate and selfless.
    "Re-examine all that you have been told... dismiss that which insults your soul."_Walt Whitman

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by iNtrovert View Post
    Your SO will hate you if you * insert unforgivable act here*. You want to do it but you refrain form doing it because you "don't have the balls" to be hated. So wouldn't the denial of you own personal desires to avoid being hated by those you care about make you worthy of love?
    Maybe but is it love if you wanted to do something that they would hate you for?

    Seems like you would just end up resenting them for impeding you from doing what you wanted, the opposite of love.

    Love without freedom lasts as long as a sneeze (corny song lyric).

  6. #26
    Senior Member iNtrovert's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Il Morto Che Parla View Post
    Maybe but is it love if you wanted to do something that they would hate you for?

    Seems like you would just end up resenting them for impeding you from doing what you wanted, the opposite of love.

    Love without freedom lasts as long as a sneeze (corny song lyric).
    It's possible but my thinking is if my desire to do something was strong enough to make me resent that person for being the reason I can't do it then I would have to leave that person. I just feel if you love someone their value to you should be more than that of the thing you had to give up and if that is the case then how can you resent them? You willingly gave it up.I feel like resentment comes from false acts of selflessness. If you really love/loved them you should be able to look back and say, "Sure things didn't end up like I planned but I wouldn't trade our time together for the world" not " I wasted the best years of life on you".
    "Re-examine all that you have been told... dismiss that which insults your soul."_Walt Whitman

  7. #27
    Mojibake sprinkles's Avatar
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    My only objection is that love isn't really about whether you deserve it or not.

    Other than that though, some people are a bag of dicks and seem to hate everything good, prey on the weak and despise the compassionate. By all means stand up to them even if it means they hate you.

  8. #28
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    Replace "love" with something else and we have a deal. Perhaps "respect"?
    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar View Post
    Put it on a coffee mug.
    "Balls" might offend some coworkers, though, and we can't have that.

    Because they'd hate us.

    Ugh, I'm trying to play with irony and the notion of people-pleasing being an artificial source of love, contrary to the quote itself, but I'm reaching a bit too much.

  9. #29
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    First of all, what if you don't have balls, 'cause I'ma girl?

    Secondly, I see people as earning or "deserving" trust, but love doesn't make sense to me that way. I love plenty of people who haven't earned trust and for whom I must create strong boundaries. And on the receiving end, I doubt I deserve to be loved as much as my dogs love me.

    Thirdly, the word, "deserve" is icky because is smacks of judgment and withholding. I feel it is okay for me to make a judgment/assessment on whether I should trust someone because that is part of self-preservation, but I'm not a position to judge who deserves love.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  10. #30
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    ...then you don't deserve to be loved."

    What's your opinion on that quote?
    Not very enneagram 9, is what I think. The quote doesn't resonate with me, I don't see the correlation between not being afraid to be hated and being deserving of love.

    Also, I stopped giving a crap what people think about me years ago. That hasn't exactly put me ahead in the love department. I suppose I do ok in the respect department though. But I'm quite unlovable. :P
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

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