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  1. #11
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aleda View Post
    So this guy’s saying that females that get raped are ignorant attention whores. I feel like I’m about to cry knowing that people like this exist. Other people keep going on about how they're special and different from everyone else. I hate being a teenager. Everyone either has a fucked up sense of individuality or a messed up moral compass or both. I'm talking about teenagers living in my town, not exactly "everyone." Anyone else feel this way?
    I'm sorry to hear you're running into this type of thing, especially if it's prevalent. Honestly, I seldom if ever heard this kind of stuff from other teens growing up, though in retrospect I had a pretty decent group of people around me in various aspects of my life.

    I can't help feeling that all the rubbish out there on the internet is exacerbating these kinds of things - violent pornography and that sort of thing. Apparently, really messed up attitudes about what teenage guys expect teenage girls to do sexually, or general attitudes toward women, are getting increasingly common. Again - yes, I guess I had a somewhat sheltered upbringing and mostly went to school etc with pretty "nice" kids, but it was very seldom I heard this type of thing, and it seems much more common now. (yeah, I know I probably sound like an old lady...I'm in my early thirties, for the record.)

    I think the fact that you are able to note signs of a distorted moral compass speaks quite well for you as a person, incidentally. A lot of people don't notice that stuff or think it's unimportant.
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  2. #12
    Retired Nicki's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I am not a teenager, but I am the parent of four teenagers and hear them complain about how messed up some of their peers are. My oldest daughter is 19 and a university student and she is frequently disgusted by the misogyny of the guys in her social group.

    I don't know where you are, but in the US, the attitudes you describe are not limited to teenagers: political candidates cannot seem to keep from saying ridiculous things about rape this election season. Western culture generally elevates the individual, which is frequently played upon by people marketing stuff, from sellers of beer to self-help gurus. It's really no surprise so many of us believe we are special little snowflakes.

    I won't say people get better as they get older. Some do. Some don't. However, when you get older, you get more control over the people you spend your free time with. That can be an improvement.

    Edit: FWW, IMO, small towns blow.
    What do you tell them to help them deal with it? I always end up debating whenever I see something that I feel is wrong or something that seems irrational but it's rather time-consuming. I'm from the US too. I heard about some definitely sexist things said by Romney. It's honestly disgusting. Seeing some of these teenagers who believe that they will revolutionize the world because they're "different" from everyone else while not putting any work into anything and teenagers who rebel for the sake of it to be different. That's what I'm looking forward to. How's adult life like? Definitely, along with a lot of my irritating peers, it's rather boring.

  3. #13
    Retired Nicki's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I'm sorry to hear you're running into this type of thing, especially if it's prevalent. Honestly, I seldom if ever heard this kind of stuff from other teens growing up, though in retrospect I had a pretty decent group of people around me in various aspects of my life.

    I can't help feeling that all the rubbish out there on the internet is exacerbating these kinds of things - violent pornography and that sort of thing. Apparently, really messed up attitudes about what teenage guys expect teenage girls to do sexually, or general attitudes toward women, are getting increasingly common. Again - yes, I guess I had a somewhat sheltered upbringing and mostly went to school etc with pretty "nice" kids, but it was very seldom I heard this type of thing, and it seems much more common now. (yeah, I know I probably sound like an old lady...I'm in my early thirties, for the record.)

    I think the fact that you are able to note signs of a distorted moral compass speaks quite well for you as a person, incidentally. A lot of people don't notice that stuff or think it's unimportant.
    I agree strongly, along with common jokes that revolve around women which are popular among teenagers, at least where I live. That sounds amazing, how was your childhood like? Nah, don't worry, you don't.

    Thanks a lot, that's nice of you to say. I've noticed that.

  4. #14

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aleda View Post
    All the time... It's frustrating. I seriously hope so. Haha it seems like that most of the time.
    What other people said and thought used to really bother me when I was a teenager, I totally recall that, and I really dont feel that way so much anymore, there are still triggers I guess but with time its become clearer to me when someone is simply as ass or has an opinion which is an ass.

    It can be vexatious when someone has a woeful opinion and appears to be an opinion former among others, like if that rape remark is made and appears to catch on or be taken or treated seriously rather than dismissed or disdained by others. Or it can be a pain in the ass when you feel your opinion isnt represented or some how can not be or wont be understood by others but ultimately, provided you can dodge the fall out of bogus ideas spreading, who cares?

    People who're loud mouths or have lousy opinions are having their moment in adolescence because there is a cut off point, its interesting to see that, when someone has an "am I right?" moment and casts their eyes about and everyone is frowning or looking the other way. Reality check big time and too late.

  5. #15

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aleda View Post
    Honestly, am I the only who feels this way?
    Messed up sense of individuality or broken moral compass?

    No, you're not the only on thinking that, I think that most of the time about a lot of people. I blame this crap on modernity but people have different ideas as to what the cause is.

  6. #16
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aleda View Post
    What do you tell them to help them deal with it? I always end up debating whenever I see something that I feel is wrong or something that seems irrational but it's rather time-consuming. I'm from the US too. I heard about some definitely sexist things said by Romney. It's honestly disgusting. Seeing some of these teenagers who believe that they will revolutionize the world because they're "different" from everyone else while not putting any work into anything and teenagers who rebel for the sake of it to be different. That's what I'm looking forward to. How's adult life like? Definitely, along with a lot of my irritating peers, it's rather boring.
    I tell them that people are idiots. Idiocy is generally incurable. Nothing wrong with confronting people, I do it sometimes myself, but it's not required. Sometimes my kids are amazed at the middle class kids' sense of entitlement and occasionally mock them behind their backs. I don't think the snowflake thing bothers them too much most of the time. Unfortunately, my kids probably believe *they* are the non-idiot snowflakes so the stupid snowflakes kind of get written off.

    Adult life is similar, IME, except you have more control about who you spend your time with and you spend a lot of your time doing boring stuff like paying bills. You also worry less about people stuff and more about money. Can you pay the copay for your kid's doctor visit and still put gas in the car, etc. Also, as you get older, you get to the point where you just don't have the energy to care. That sounds kind of awful, but I love it. I'm an angsty adult but so much less angsty than I was as a teenager. I still find most people irritating so I have little social life outside my family. For now, I'm content with that.

    YMMV
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  7. #17
    Retired Nicki's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    What other people said and thought used to really bother me when I was a teenager, I totally recall that, and I really dont feel that way so much anymore, there are still triggers I guess but with time its become clearer to me when someone is simply as ass or has an opinion which is an ass.

    It can be vexatious when someone has a woeful opinion and appears to be an opinion former among others, like if that rape remark is made and appears to catch on or be taken or treated seriously rather than dismissed or disdained by others. Or it can be a pain in the ass when you feel your opinion isnt represented or some how can not be or wont be understood by others but ultimately, provided you can dodge the fall out of bogus ideas spreading, who cares?

    People who're loud mouths or have lousy opinions are having their moment in adolescence because there is a cut off point, its interesting to see that, when someone has an "am I right?" moment and casts their eyes about and everyone is frowning or looking the other way. Reality check big time and too late.
    What kind of things bothered you? Ah, I see. Yes, most definitely. It happened when I decided to share my opinion about this. More people joined in supporting this guy and saying he was defending our culture and "defend it from hell," while my opinion was degraded by comments saying that I'm "probably a slut," or a "women who's trying to ruin this society by trying to look slutty." I guess so, I find it really disappointing though. What's the cut off point? I really don't believe age is an excuse. That sounds great though. That these people won't always believe they're right about their problematic opinions.

  8. #18
    Retired Nicki's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    Messed up sense of individuality or broken moral compass?

    No, you're not the only on thinking that, I think that most of the time about a lot of people. I blame this crap on modernity but people have different ideas as to what the cause is.
    Both. I agree with you though I also think there's definitely something wrong with the parenting today. A lot of kids were taught to believe that we're "special," and that we "deserve" certain things.

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I tell them that people are idiots. Idiocy is generally incurable. Nothing wrong with confronting people, I do it sometimes myself, but it's not required. Sometimes my kids are amazed at the middle class kids' sense of entitlement and occasionally mock them behind their backs. I don't think the snowflake thing bothers them too much most of the time. Unfortunately, my kids probably believe *they* are the non-idiot snowflakes so the stupid snowflakes kind of get written off.

    Adult life is similar, IME, except you have more control about who you spend your time with and you spend a lot of your time doing boring stuff like paying bills. You also worry less about people stuff and more about money. Can you pay the copay for your kid's doctor visit and still put gas in the car, etc. Also, as you get older, you get to the point where you just don't have the energy to care. That sounds kind of awful, but I love it. I'm an angsty adult but so much less angsty than I was as a teenager. I still find most people irritating so I have little social life outside my family. For now, I'm content with that.

    YMMV
    Idiots are frustrating to deal with. I insult and mock them quite a lot too. Oh, I see. What do you think of special snowflake teenagers?

    How exactly do taxes and paying bills work? I tried to read a book on it to prepare in advance but I found it confusing. Oh okay, does it get stressful? I kind of understand what you mean. I wish I could get a job or two already so I could be more productive and waste less time debating with ignorant fools. I'm really angsty at times but I like to seem neutral to everyone else. The odd thing is I really like interacting with others and having a lot acquaintances but I don't personally like anyone.

  10. #20
    Senior Member ptgatsby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aleda View Post
    I hate being a teenager. Everyone either has a fucked up sense of individuality or a messed up moral compass or both.
    I hear where you are coming from. All I can offer is some perspective.


    Everyone, and I am dismissing age here, is still growing. The gap you feel is because you grew faster than your peers. In every single group (no matter how you slice it - gender, age, economic) there will be some that are at the less developped range, and some that are at the more developped range. This is a life long issue.

    When you are at the more developped range, you see the world as frustating, moving slower than you are. It's constraining you. When you are at the less developped range, you see the world passing by you. It's frustrating because you are being left behind. Both tend to have stronger reactions, no to mention there is a huge understanding gap between the two sides.

    So your observation is correct and your emotions certainly are valid... and you'll feel this at times all your life; it gets better as you build a circle of friends that are closer to how you are.

    Also, don't feel too bad about those around you, small town or not. Slower doesn't mean they won't move forward, often in stops and starts. They may not be friends or people you like right now, especially because comments like your OP are clearly more done for pushing limits and other maturing processes, but most will change or be changed. There is no point internalising other people's maturing process.

    ---

    (I have intentionally kept age out of this, but I'll be honest here: perspective is gained over time. Virtually every single person here has thought and gone through what you have... this board is full of early maturers. You are in good company, even though they may have forgotten.)

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