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  1. #21
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    I think what I find strange - and it hasn't really come up here - is that for some people who are totally uninterested in doing things alone, it's almost as though they would lose face. A bit like it's a hierarchical sort of thing - if they don't always have someone to do things with, they're uncool or unpopular. I really have a hard time relating to that, but it seems like a genuine concern for the more extreme won't-go-out-alone types.
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  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I think what I find strange - and it hasn't really come up here - is that for some people who are totally uninterested in doing things alone, it's almost as though they would lose face. A bit like it's a hierarchical sort of thing - if they don't always have someone to do things with, they're uncool or unpopular. I really have a hard time relating to that, but it seems like a genuine concern for the more extreme won't-go-out-alone types.
    I quoted one of my own older posts:

    Quote Originally Posted by 93JC View Post
    Psychologists and psychiatrists have recognized disorders like "Avoidant Personality Disorder" and "Antisocial Personality Disorder", and people at large use terms like 'hermit' and 'recluse' to describe people who prefer to be alone. There are no such diagnoses for people who are the complete opposite. They are celebrated as 'socialites' and "social butterflies".

    We are conditioned to believe that being alone will make you feel lonely. Being alone is 'bad'.
    People who incapable of going out on their own do not face anywhere near the stigmas that people who choose to be alone do.

  3. #23
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Just curious to see how people feel about this generally, though I think it may have been discussed before.

    ...I ask because I'm well aware that a lot of people pretty much 100% refuse to do this. I have had people laugh or stare in disbelief or pity when I've told them I went alone to something like this, or that someone else did. With certain types of people I end up feeling like I have to justify myself. These are the people who say things like "the experience is all about the people I was there with." Some of my best experiences (of various sorts) in life have been alone - just as some of the best have been with friends or family. I guess I just don't feel like "the experience is all about the people I was with" if it's some artistic experience that on its own means a lot to me. What I love doing above all with friends or family is having great, long chats. If it's some kind of cultural/etc experience that we both feel deeply about, then yes, I'd love to be there with certain friends or family. Otherwise, it's ok either way.

    I think it's probably more common for extroverts to be totally unwilling to do something like this alone, but I'm not sure that it's totally an introvert/extrovert thing. Is it related to functions? Is it just a very individual thing? I'd be interested to hear what you think or your own views or experiences.
    I do a lot of things alone. I don't know whether this is good or bad, it simply has been my life. When I was young, I was very alone and did things alone. As an adult for much of my life, I felt alone and did things alone. Now I'm alone, so I do things alone even when I guess I could call someone else (although I don't have a ton of people to do things with).

    I like the mobility of being alone. I can do things the way I want, when I want, and change my mind in the middle. As soon as I'm with someone, I have to negotiate what happens. Sometimes I don't want to invest the energy to do that. I go hiking alone, and I go to movies alone. I'm one of the few people I know who goes to the movies alone. I have mixed feelings about it. One one level, I'm fine, and I can have a perfectly fine time by myself at a movie (and attending the showing I want, and sitting where I want). At the same time, sometimes I feel lonely about it and wish someone was there; we wouldn't even have to talk during or a ton about it after, it would just help me feel good to have a shared experience with someone and feel like someone was there.

    I don't know if it's just introverts who do this, or if you need to be an introvert. My ISFJ ex would never go to the movies alone; there was just some activities that were "social things" and some that were private; going to movies alone was kind of a "loser move" to some people.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  4. #24
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I think what I find strange - and it hasn't really come up here - is that for some people who are totally uninterested in doing things alone, it's almost as though they would lose face. A bit like it's a hierarchical sort of thing - if they don't always have someone to do things with, they're uncool or unpopular. I really have a hard time relating to that, but it seems like a genuine concern for the more extreme won't-go-out-alone types.
    When I was in my early years of college, I was veryyy image-aware and totally freaked out by the idea of doing anything potentially social alone. I think because I was, for the first time, finding my place in this huge environment with no buffers - no previous friends, no parents, no familiar places, nothing - I was very self-conscious and afraid that wandering around alone would be social suicide. On reflection, I wasn't afraid of people I didn't know seeing me alone, but instead of distant friends or people in my classes who might think there was something wrong with me. I don't know, now it seems silly, but then it was a huge deal to me. I had an ESTP 7w8 sx/so friend who was like this, too - we hung around with each other all the time despite very different personalities and interests from the get-go because we were neighbors and both HATED doing things alone. We admitted it to each other and were relieved to find each other suffering the same problem, so it was a very casual friendship and more of a hey-I-need-you-to-go-to-the-Caf-with-me-ship.

    By the time senior year rolled around I was deeply entrenched in a number of student organizations and I found time alone soothing because I hardly ever got time away from people needing me. Ever since then I've enjoyed taking a book to a casual restaurant on the off hours and just parking there and reading, concerts so I can leave whenever I want, and festivals so I can do whatever I want alone. Movies I'll go alone if I'm really interested in the subject matter - most of the time I just want to go for the fun of Going To A Movie and enjoy sharing an otherwise-empty theater and whispering and throwing popcorn at each other and making out during the boring parts. :]

    I still don't like roadtrips alone. An hour or two alone in the car is head-clearing, but more than that and my voice gets hoarse from singing and I get a headache and bored.

  5. #25
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    Nope
    Im out, its been fun

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I like the mobility of being alone. I can do things the way I want, when I want, and change my mind in the middle. As soon as I'm with someone, I have to negotiate what happens.
    There's this, too. I like being able to make snap decisions about what I'm doing.

  7. #27
    meinmeinmein! mmhmm's Avatar
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    omg i love going to places alone. nobody to ditch, one less step
    for an exit strategy. i guess, like many others said... the mobility.
    i always prefer to eat out alone too. omg and going to the movies.
    and i take vacations alone too.

    i really haaaaaaaate doing things in big groups. omg. so slow.
    so many minds need making up. so many....potential annoyances.
    byeeeeee!!!!!

    but if my boyfriend is around. i superglue myself to him.
    he and i, we're like peas and carrots.
    every normal man must be tempted, at times,
    to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag,
    and begin slitting throats.
    h.l. mencken

  8. #28
    Warflower Nijntje's Avatar
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    Going to the movies by yourself is the best. I love losing myself amongst strangers and not feeling any social pressure to have to engage with others.

    Terrible things happen to good people every day.
    Consequentially, I am not one of the good people.
    I am one of the terrible things.
    .



    Conclusion: Dinosaurs


  9. #29
    Sweet Ocean Cloud SD45T-2's Avatar
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    I do all kinds of stuff alone, but usually not for fun. I'm okay with going to a movie alone.
    1w2-6w5-3w2 so/sp

    "I took one those personality tests. It came back negative." - Dan Mintz

  10. #30
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Movies - sure, sometimes I'm the only one that likes a specific movie, thus I go alone.
    Concerts - not really, I would feel lonely without anyone "sharing" the experience.

    Otoh I often go cycling, running, hinking, climbing alone - I like being alone in the nature.

    In terms of "I'll think you are wierd if you do X" - I think going out for dinner at a restaurant just by yourself is kind of bizzarre, unless you're in a new city, completely by yourself. All the other stuff, not really.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

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