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  1. #1
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    Default Are You a Grudge Holder?

    Are you someone who can't let go of things, or are you able/willing to let bygones be bygones

    Also, what type(s) are likely to be grudge holders?

  2. #2
    morose bourgeoisie
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    I usually cannot let go of things...tis true

  3. #3
    Mojibake sprinkles's Avatar
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    I used to be an epic grudge holder but I grew out of it.

    Now it's hard to stay mad at anyone.

  4. #4
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    I never used to be. I am now. What changed? I'm not sure.

  5. #5
    ISFJophile zelo1954's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tigerlily View Post
    Are you someone who can't let go of things, or are you able/willing to let bygones be bygones?
    I'm aware of it. I'm aware that NOT letting go via forgiveness only hurts oneself. It's really an ego problem and that, I suspect, is the key to working through it. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can't. Small things I can let go of easily. Bigger things take a bit more work but I can get there in the end. Something like a lost relationship can take an eternity.
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    "INFP values but INTP skills" describes me best of all
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  6. #6
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by zelo1954 View Post
    I'm aware of it. I'm aware that NOT letting go via forgiveness only hurts oneself. It's really an ego problem and that, I suspect, is the key to working through it. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can't. Small things I can let go of easily. Bigger things take a bit more work but I can get there in the end. Something like a lost relationship can take an eternity.
    I agree with grudge holding being an ego thing, but I wonder, can it also be an extreme lack of communication? Although, I would think if the relationship were worth "saving", someone would speak up, no?

    Personally, I think life's too short to hold grudges, but someone has to make the first move, and I feel as though that person is always me.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Ism's Avatar
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    Lol, far from it. It's hard enough to remember bad things people have done upon recollection, much less keeping it in the back of my mind until I feel vengeance has been wreaked.

  8. #8
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by zelo1954 View Post
    I'm aware of it. I'm aware that NOT letting go via forgiveness only hurts oneself. It's really an ego problem and that, I suspect, is the key to working through it. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can't. Small things I can let go of easily. Bigger things take a bit more work but I can get there in the end. Something like a lost relationship can take an eternity.
    This reflects how I operate, more or less. I let little things go more easily than most people, I think (and I've had feedback to that effect.) On the other hand, there are people who have badly hurt my feelings or caused real damage in some way who I have literally never forgiven. That usually involves feeling more or less active hostility toward them for months or years, and eventually it settles into a kind of neutral indifference tinged with dislike. At that point I still don't want them back in my life.

    So yeah. I kind of am a grudge holder or I have been in a big way on some occasions. It does cause damage. Perhaps it can help you protect yourself from toxic people up to a point, but with those very occasional, really extreme cases it goes too far and can really hurt me. It also goes against my principles. I haven't found the solution, yet.
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  9. #9
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    This reflects how I operate, more or less. I let little things go more easily than most people, I think (and I've had feedback to that effect.) On the other hand, there are people who have badly hurt my feelings or caused real damage in some way who I have literally never forgiven. That usually involves feeling more or less active hostility toward them for months or years, and eventually it settles into a kind of neutral indifference tinged with dislike. At that point I still don't want them back in my life.

    So yeah. I kind of am a grudge holder or I have been in a big way on some occasions. It does cause damage. Perhaps it can help you protect yourself from toxic people up to a point, but with those very occasional, really extreme cases it goes too far and can really hurt me. It also goes against my principles. I haven't found the solution, yet.
    Same here.
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  10. #10
    WALMART
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    No. Things happen rarely I cannot understand, and understanding is peace.

    Perhaps I haven't been burnt hard enough.


    I do have temporary lapses of anger I have not learned to shake, though.

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