The most stupid thing I ever did was throw a crate of empty beer bottles out of a train window as it was crossing a highish viaduct above a small country town. I'm only thankful I never heard anything more about it.
Uh.... the worst thing I remember saying was as a teenager, and we were sitting at the table for dinner, and my dad said or did something (I don't remember what), and I blurted out that he was a prick.
There was VERY uncomfortable silence after that, and I also don't really remember the details of what was said or if my dad was just [understandly] seething/really hurt, but keeping quiet. (I also don't think I knew the ramifications of that word at the time) I think I promptly left the table and I don't remember anything else. I am pretty horrified though in looking back at it... I gave him such a hard time at that age (mostly nonverbal, and almost all undeserved, which is why this is one of the few verbal exceptions).
"...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce
A kid that I was semi-friends with lost his father on Father's day. The week after the accident I stupidly decided that I would play a trick on him... I pointed off into the distance and asked "Hey, is that your dad?" and as soon as the sentence left my mouth I had one of the biggest 'oh shit what the hell did I just say' moments in my life -- I had genuinely forgotten that his father had passed.
When I was about 3 I called the police to send my older brother to jail when he made me cry.
I called the police around the age of 10 in order to verify that calling the number 911 would result in someone coming to assist me with an emergency. Well, someone came...a massive, scary and angry cop and he gave me a lecture about falsely calling 911. I hid my face behind a Godzilla 2000 paperback while he talked, because I was frightened and ashamed.
I got my tongue stuck to a fridge because I thought it would taste like icecream.
This is one I remember somebody else did:
A dude in high school tried wrap a golf club around a basketball goal. Not a good idea to swing a club like seen in cartoons. Yea. That's in the cartoons. Another dude sent him a monthly subscription to Golf Digest in the hospital while his neck was recovering from the puncture wound.
"..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
'Men are meant to be with women. The rest is perversion and mental illness.'
When I was 3, I went to a cook-out at my grandparent's house. My grandmother handed me a plate, I took one look at it, and said, "I don't want this burnt, black ass hot dog!"
FFW to 5-years-old. I told the A&P check-out lady, "Wow, are you fat!" She replied, "Yes, I know honey but Jesus loves me anyway." I nodded and said, "That's good because it's nice to love you even if you are big." My mother let me have it across my backside when we got outside to the car.
I had a tough time learning to stifle the "insta-blurt".