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  1. #1
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Default When the roommate honeymoon ends

    I've been sharing since April, for the first time in many years. She's nice enough, but yeah, the honeymoon is definitely ending.

    I'm just at that sort of "meh - maybe I should have stayed on my own despite the hideous rents in this city" stage. I mean, on the positive side, she's fairly easy-going, we have similar ideas about housecleaning/dishes (we want things pleasant and clean enough, but we're far from obsessive about everything being spotless), and she's more organised regarding bills etc which takes some pressure off me. And we have quite different schedules, so we don't have to fight over the bathroom in the morning and we don't see each other ALL the time. And basically we get along ok.

    On the not-so-bright side - she's a bit obsessed with reorganising/rearranging stuff, which often doesn't bother me much, but it's a bit annoying when it seems like every week stuff has been moved for almost no reason - especially if it's my stuff (in public areas - she's definitely not the type who would come into my room, I'm assured of that). I've started to be a bit more proactive about - if she's moved something of mine for no reason - moving it back, etc. Also, she hasn't complained, but I've woken her up a few times simply by switching on a light in the hallway (I'm a night owl) and that just makes me a bit uncomfortable.

    And sorry to say this because I know how it sounds but...she is SUCH a Sensor. (I think ESxJ or an outgoing ISxJ). Or maybe it's not a Sensor thing at all and she's just not remotely deep. (I've had enough deep conversations with Sensors in my time to know that's not necessarily the problem.) When her friends come round and I either join them for a bit or overhear conversations, I think "honestly...how can people talk about such boring crap for so long?" "And then so and so said that! OMG! Blah blah boring gossip blah blah inconsequential nonsense blah blah." And she thinks I'm weird. It's pretty obvious, with my poetry and my books and not having a problem with doing things on my own (though I have a pretty active social life too.)

    I am ranting a little but honestly, this is all minor stuff. She is pretty nice and I could have done a million times worse. I have a feeling a lot of this is simply to do with readjusting after having everything totally my own way for ages. But still - any suggestions for when the honeymoon ends?
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  2. #2

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    The honeymoon ends when they get on your nerves.

  3. #3
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfy View Post
    The honeymoon ends when they get on your nerves.
    Yeah, yeah, I figured that out! How do you stop them from getting on your nerves TOO much, is my question?

    Or will the getting on the nerves stage kind of pass on, like the honeymoon did - and I know that this stuff is not really too serious?


    EDIT: TBH I should remember how this works. I have had roommates before - quite a few, actually. Most were nice, a couple were psycho. It's when you realise they're psycho (and it usually happens fairly soon) that you really have a problem.

    I was also a bit younger when I last lived with roommates. I'm not exactly "old" now but perhaps old enough to be a bit set in my ways...
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  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Yeah, yeah, I figured that out! How do you stop them from getting on your nerves TOO much, is my question?

    Or will the getting on the nerves stage kind of pass on, like the honeymoon did - and I know that this stuff is not really too serious?
    Giving each other space I guess. Awareness of why you share, rent is expensive so it is worth the hassle. Trade offs, even unspoken. You do your dumb thing and I'll do mine.

  5. #5
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfy View Post
    Giving each other space I guess. Awareness of why you share, rent is expensive so it is worth the hassle. Trade offs, even unspoken. You do your dumb thing and I'll do mine.
    Yeah, all good. And that is more or less what we're doing, I think. I think I'm having a frustrated moment generally. I know so many people who've had total roommate nightmares and I've had some too - this is minor stuff. It's just a bit of a letdown when you started off thinking "oh - she's the most fantastic roommate!" Much like passing the honeymoon stage in a relationship, I guess. Except without the sexual feelings and commitment and all that.
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  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Yeah, all good. And that is more or less what we're doing, I think. I think I'm having a frustrated moment generally. I know so many people who've had total roommate nightmares and I've had some too - this is minor stuff. It's just a bit of a letdown when you started off thinking "oh - she's the most fantastic roommate!" Much like passing the honeymoon stage in a relationship, I guess. Except without the sexual feelings and commitment and all that.
    She sounds alright. Everyone is a pain in the ass in their own special way.

  7. #7
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    So true!
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  8. #8
    Senior Member lauranna's Avatar
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    There are always things about roommates that get annoying after a while. Difference when you live with someone you are in a relationship with is at least you can fuck away the annoying parts.
    If she isn't that bad really and you are saving enough dollar to make sharing worthwhile, then you just have to let it go. I mean i bet there are things about you that piss her off. The poor simple girl probably doesn't have a clue what you are talking about most of the time!
    You could have a chat where you both get to air your issues and I'm sure if she is a nice girl she will probably make more effort.

  9. #9
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I've been sharing since April, for the first time in many years. She's nice enough, but yeah, the honeymoon is definitely ending.

    I'm just at that sort of "meh - maybe I should have stayed on my own despite the hideous rents in this city" stage. I mean, on the positive side, she's fairly easy-going, we have similar ideas about housecleaning/dishes (we want things pleasant and clean enough, but we're far from obsessive about everything being spotless), and she's more organised regarding bills etc which takes some pressure off me. And we have quite different schedules, so we don't have to fight over the bathroom in the morning and we don't see each other ALL the time. And basically we get along ok.

    On the not-so-bright side - she's a bit obsessed with reorganising/rearranging stuff, which often doesn't bother me much, but it's a bit annoying when it seems like every week stuff has been moved for almost no reason - especially if it's my stuff (in public areas - she's definitely not the type who would come into my room, I'm assured of that). I've started to be a bit more proactive about - if she's moved something of mine for no reason - moving it back, etc. Also, she hasn't complained, but I've woken her up a few times simply by switching on a light in the hallway (I'm a night owl) and that just makes me a bit uncomfortable.

    And sorry to say this because I know how it sounds but...she is SUCH a Sensor. (I think ESxJ or an outgoing ISxJ). Or maybe it's not a Sensor thing at all and she's just not remotely deep. (I've had enough deep conversations with Sensors in my time to know that's not necessarily the problem.) When her friends come round and I either join them for a bit or overhear conversations, I think "honestly...how can people talk about such boring crap for so long?" "And then so and so said that! OMG! Blah blah boring gossip blah blah inconsequential nonsense blah blah." And she thinks I'm weird. It's pretty obvious, with my poetry and my books and not having a problem with doing things on my own (though I have a pretty active social life too.)

    I am ranting a little but honestly, this is all minor stuff. She is pretty nice and I could have done a million times worse. I have a feeling a lot of this is simply to do with readjusting after having everything totally my own way for ages. But still - any suggestions for when the honeymoon ends?
    Replace the lightswitch with a silent one. Talk about boundaries and be proactive and assertive about your stance on possessions placement to avoid passive-aggressive reactions e.g. she moving something, you put it back. If you feel the need for a more like-minded roommate, you can start looking for ads and using your typology knowledge even.
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  10. #10
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lauranna View Post
    There are always things about roommates that get annoying after a while. Difference when you live with someone you are in a relationship with is at least you can fuck away the annoying parts.
    If she isn't that bad really and you are saving enough dollar to make sharing worthwhile, then you just have to let it go. I mean i bet there are things about you that piss her off. The poor simple girl probably doesn't have a clue what you are talking about most of the time!
    You could have a chat where you both get to air your issues and I'm sure if she is a nice girl she will probably make more effort.
    Yeah, I think letting it go is generally the way to go. I honestly think this is just regular slight irritation plus me feeling a little frustrated over a few things (mostly unrelated to her.) And yeah I probably do annoy her. I think personally I have to watch out for letting things build up that irritate me, and then turning it into a bigger thing than it really is, because that can freak people out, understandably (in a sort of "oh, you always act so laid back...why are you getting upset now?!" way.)


    Quote Originally Posted by phobik View Post
    Replace the lightswitch with a silent one. Talk about boundaries and be proactive and assertive about your stance on possessions placement to avoid passive-aggressive reactions e.g. she moving something, you put it back. If you feel the need for a more like-minded roommate, you can start looking for ads and using your typology knowledge even.
    Thanks. I don't feel the need to move or anything. It's just irritation over relatively minor things. I think I created this thread just to vent. If things are driving me nuts some months down the line, I might think about it - but honestly I doubt that will happen. Moving is SUCH a pain (and finding a decent, affordable place etc) - it's unlikely it would be worth the hassle to MAYBE end up with someone more compatible. It's not a marriage, at least.

    Yeah, I hear you about not being passive aggressive, I'll keep an eye out for that and if something really annoys me will make an effort to just bring it up nicely, instead.
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