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  1. #11
    Senior Member swordpath's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    she is SUCH a Sensor. (I think ESxJ or an outgoing ISxJ). Or maybe it's not a Sensor thing at all and she's just not remotely deep.

  2. #12
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by swordpath View Post
    I know, I know. I'm sorry. I was going to not say it, and then I said it anyway. (I really try not to say stuff like that mostly.) Like I added, maybe it's just a "not deep" thing and not a "Sensor" thing.

    I actually love SJs, particularly (in general), and am definitely quite an SJ-ish INFJ.
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  3. #13
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfy View Post
    Giving each other space I guess. Awareness of why you share, rent is expensive so it is worth the hassle. Trade offs, even unspoken. You do your dumb thing and I'll do mine.
    That's basically what I would say as general rule of thumb. At least, unlike marriage, it's fairly easy to extract yourself if necessary and also there is typically an "end of lease" date that frees you automatically unless you reenter the contract.

    But it's basically been a question of, "Is this worth fighting about?" to me when I've had issues with roommates. What you have described doesn't sound too bad, since you have similar ideas of how to maintain the place and can otherwise generally live separate lives even if you don't totally understand each other and why you like what you like and behave as you behave.

    I've lived with "crazy" before, it's no fun. Fortunately, that was my first roommate, and I just avoided her and stuck it out until the lease ended and then got the heck out of Dodge. (That was the one who seemed severely Borderline, to the point of having a breakdown.) My second roommate had some severe socialization issues but otherwise is still "sane." My current roommate I've decided is very ESFP and she's onto her next thing -- moving out to live with her current crush, but continuing to maintain her half of the rent. She hasn't been around much; my biggest issues with her are (1) she would use ice for smoothies daily but wasn't making any ice to replace it with, so I was doing it whether or not I was using it, just so I'd have it, (2) she's eaten my food before, like the frozen fruit we use for smoothies or a ton of popsicles out of the boxes I'd buy, or (3) get a little snarky with me about cleaning something small up, while meanwhile she'd sometimes leave the house for the weekend with so many dishes in the sink I couldn't use the sink.

    Otherwise we generally get along, when we interact. And she's done some nice stuff, like cover my parking spot costs because it was above the price she quoted me to move in. So I've generally "soaked up" those frustrations without getting into it with her, I just didn't see the point at this stage.

    It just is what it is. Maybe it's helped that I was married for a long time, to someone with very different ideas of how to organize, and so I've been through a real wringer of having to negotiate those kinds of things... so what we're talking about here don't seem that huge to me in comparison to the issues from that relationship.

    Quote Originally Posted by swordpath View Post
    Oh dear, NOW, you've done it, SR!

    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I actually love SJs, particularly (in general), and am definitely quite an SJ-ish INFJ.
    I think it's valid to bring up in the sense that S vs N can impact what people perceive and/or focus on, and so there can be head-bumping issues because of it.

    My current roomie sees all the visible stuff but sometimes doesn't grasp what I'm doing or why and just thinks what she sees is all that is; and I have to remember to explain it to her so that she has the opportunity to understand. Or she'll have more of a hangup about tangible stuff, whereas it won't bother me as much because my mind is elsewhere.

    I remember when I moved in, she was going out nightly to some pretty wild parties in true ESP style, and just didn't get why I (in INP style) just was perfectly fine hanging out at home and wasn't lonely or bored at all. She was also kind of surprised (but took it in stride) when I wasn't interested in the types of guys she was but was ecstatic to find some "geek" dating sites and going out to gaming groups and stuff.

    It's just about two people with differences cohabiting as peacefully and supportively as they can.
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  4. #14
    Senior Member swordpath's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I know, I know. I'm sorry. I was going to not say it, and then I said it anyway. (I really try not to say stuff like that mostly.) Like I added, maybe it's just a "not deep" thing and not a "Sensor" thing.

    I actually love SJs, particularly (in general), and am definitely quite an SJ-ish INFJ.
    I forgive you

  5. #15
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Yeah, particularly in regards to a few things you said @Jennifer about S and N - I think she's a bit confounded sometimes by me not seeing what is so obvious to her, stuff right in front of my nose (I can literally physically not see things if I'm really in my head). And it's probably a little annoying to her sometimes (her: "how could you not notice?", me: "I just don't notice stuff like that"), whereas I'm a bit irritated by the "blah blah and then so and so said this" kind of convos, and if I start to talk about my literary interests and such (even if it's just "yeah, I went to a poetry reading tonight") it seems like I'm speaking a different language.

    I think in a lot of ways it's actually working quite well. I'm generally easy going, she's more organised, etc. I think I just need to not sweat the small stuff, and bring it up nicely if something really annoys, me, rather than let it build up. I'd rather be optimistic about it working out in the semi-long-run, because it's a nice apartment and affordable enough, and I don't want to move again soon unless I have a really good reason...
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  6. #16
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    Roomate ends?! Right, my turn, I'm roomate next!!

  7. #17
    Senior Member Chaotic Harmony's Avatar
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    For me and my former roommate... The honeymoon ended when I was exposed to her obnoxious friends on a daily basis... I could tolerate them hanging out every other weekend... but pretty soon they were hanging out every frikkin day and I wanted to shoot myself. Prior to that, me and her were great together. We were on a volleyball team together, we went shopping together, we ate out to dinner together, it was great... And then her friends came along. I ended up holed up in my bedroom hiding from them when they were at the apartment. Part of our problem was the age gap...which isn't that much now, but she was just turning 21 and I was turning 24... So my party days were coming to an end and hers were just beginning.... Except... My party days consisted of cocktails and dancing and hers consisted of beer and belching... We were just two very different party personalities....and they didn't mesh well together.

    It, uh, probably didn't help that her boyfriend was my ex.... Surprisingly there was never any jealousy issues.... But I felt like I got stuck in a "who was right" situation every time they fought. Sigh.

    Our roommate days ended in a big ugly ball of fire.... And for awhile... So did our friendship... However, a couple of years later, she matured a bit more, and settled down and we reconnected and are pretty decent friends again.


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