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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wolfie View Post
    Anyone else have this problem?

    I'm having this problem at the moment, so can someone relate and make me feel less crazy????
    A new puppy is brought into the house. He craps on the floor. The owners housebreak him by disciplining him. Now it's years later, and he’s an adult dog and fully housebroken, but he’s ill or isn’t let out in time, and he craps on the floor again. He wanders around with his tail between his legs: He relives the disciplining from years ago all over again, even before the owners return home and find the mess.

    Basically, it’s just anxiety.

    When we’re babies, we’re emotional and full of fears and rage and we scream a lot: We’re hungry, our diapers are wet, etc. Our parents discipline us and tell us to get a hold of our emotions (“Don’t be such a baby!”). They tell us to put our emotions on hold, at least until we have looked at things logically for a reasonable explanation or resolution.

    But later in life as adults, our childish fears or strong emotions sometimes break free despite us. Then we feel the punishing scorn of our parents all over again, even after the parents are long gone.

    Strong childish emotions (especially counterproductive ones like anger and fear) get buried in the unconscious id along with a lot of other childish stuff. The old parental discipline turns into our superego, which acts as a lid on the id and keeps it from breaking free. But occasionally snippets of the id escape under stress. Eventually the superego kicks in again, tamps the id back down, and re-establishes order. But as a result of the activity of the superego we outwardly relive the anxiety at the parental discipline that went into establishing the superego. Ultimately it all goes away when the id quiets down again and the superego doesn’t have to strain to keep the id bottled up.

    Freud 101

  2. #22
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wolfie View Post
    This was interesting for me to take a step back and try to listen to what the self-loathing might be telling me. At first it seems like it's just saying, "Don't lose control," but I'm sure there is something under that.
    You see, your inner self is looking after you by giving you the injunction, "Don't lose control". This is a good injunction because it means you can explore your feelings, emotions and your inner self when you choose.

    So when it is safe, and when you are relaxed and comfortable, you can choose to look inside. And you can also choose when enough is enough and you are satisfied, and so return to the outside.

  3. #23
    facettes de la petite mor Words of Ivory's Avatar
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    I think it's pretty clear that your own sense of perfection is getting the better of you, and you're beating yourself up because of it.

    You haven't really gone into any detail on the situation, but Victor's advice is pretty on the ball. Figure out the trigger for your self loathing first, and then the cause in this particular situation. Work from there and see what you can do to find some resolution with your personal feelings.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    "Life calls out the meaning of pure jubilance,
    if you'll only take the time to hear it."
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  4. #24
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    You hate being out of control and vulnerable.

    Do you have close friends or family who accept you no matter what?

  5. #25
    Senior Member Wolfie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmotini View Post
    You hate being out of control and vulnerable.

    Do you have close friends or family who accept you no matter what?
    I am pretty close to my mom? I am not emotional with her, though, and she is not emotional with me.

    My best friend is probably the person I am closest to emotionally.
    ( . )( . )

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wolfie View Post
    That's interesting. I do find I am highly critical of my emotions, almost paranoid that they are not rational, constantly second-guessing myself. Do you really think we are all too emotional sometimes? I want to believe that, but everyone else seems to hide it so well. Why are we all hiding it if it's such a commonality?
    I imagine because most haven't come to the conclusion that we are all too emotional, or at least allowed to be. I am sure at one point in most everyones life they have taken it a bit too far. Just because you didn't see it doesn't mean it didn't happen. Of course the people that haven't gotten emotional probably thought it was a weakness to, that they overcome so why can't everyone else. I think it's a bitter entitlement.

  7. #27
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Sounds like you don't like losing your self control.

    Drinking = losing self control
    Emotional = losing self control.

    Either change how much control you have or accept that being emotional is part of you. Are you being destructive to others or yourself when you are emotional? If so you should try to change it. Self loathing isn't going to change it. Self loathing is just another way of being destructive.

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wolfie View Post
    Why? That happens to me too, regardless of whether I actually do or say anything crazy. I'm not quite sure the reason, but I think it has to do with the fact that I talk more. I don't drink very much as a result.

    I just noticed what you specifically said, about talking more. Yes yes yes.

  9. #29
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    I also have the problem with self-loathing after getting emotional. It makes me feel out of control, irrational and weak. I think it's harder as a thinking type, I pride myself on being rational and emotionally cool, so when I do have emotional outbursts which often arise from inferior Fe, I feel like my self-image has been violated. At least I know I'm still human.
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  10. #30
    Senior Member Owlesque's Avatar
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    Yes. I dislike feeling out of control and irrational — there's a severe dissonance with my cold, perfectionist nature when I get overly emotional, and unfortunately because it rarely happens, when I do become emotional, it tends to be intense. Leading to similarly intense self-loathing after the fact...

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