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  1. #1
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Default Actual Real-Life Really Bad Pickup Letters/Lines/Attempts

    I just found this in my inbox on a dating site this morning. I can't even begin to state my reaction to this wonderfully articulate note.

    Note how there is only a mention of my pictures, and no mention at all of anything in my profile.

    hiii sweety. how are u hun ma god girl u really sooo pretty so cute and so sexy girl. lol i cant stop looking at ur pics really attractive and beautiful lady, i cant belive u single iam sure guys there flirt u and hit on u all the time lol, no man can resist girl like u, u every man girl friend dream , wish i were closer lol i would stay single .

    iam fares,. from egypt 30. single, virgin, work as accountant, i wish we can talk more and get to know each other , u met middle eastern guys before??

    u want talk here ? or u have any messenger or facebook so we can talk easier and faster ,. and i have cam and mic if u want see me now on ma cam, add me or send me ur email i will add u
    An accountant. And little command of formal English. And he wants to webcam and mic. My heart is aflutter.

    Anyone else have some good ones?

    note: This comprises about 85% of the crap I receive from dating sites. The only difference with this letter is that it's about three times longer than normal.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  2. #2
    Senior Member Phoenix's Avatar
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    I've gotten some good ones -- and some genuine ones as well that did turn into decent friendships.

    Usually I've noticed that the flirts I get are one-liners though. Perhaps as an attempt to not really put themselves out there - but do so at the same time? Perhaps women do it differently from men, I guess.

    I still haven't understood the mechanics of web flirting. Can never tell when I'm being flirted with or when someone's being genuine o.0 So I pretty much chalk everything I get as a show of genuine interest in me as a person.

    A couple of the bad ones I've gotten are:

    "I'm captivated" --------- Just two words that led to me being online stalked and having my boundaries severely crossed over period of a month or so.

    "You have a very, very, very, sexy mind." ---- I ignored that one - because it didn't seem authentic enough.

  3. #3
    Ginkgo
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    I get autobot spam like that a lot on AIM. Somehow it winds up being the most annoying part of my day, since they always have this mysterious stalker vibe about them that reminds me of what it would be like to be pursued by Edward Cullen.

  4. #4
    libtard SJW chickpea's Avatar
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    when i was a cashier at whole foods, this man who i was ringing up handed me this crumpled up, coffee stained receipt and said "this is for you." i assumed he was just handing me trash, so i threw it out after he left. about 10 minutes later, one of my managers came over to me, and told me that a man had come to the front desk and said that i had thrown out a very important piece of paper, and that i needed to get it out of the trash.

    my manager was cracking up and making fun of me for it. the guy didn't speak to me or make conversation with me at all, and i used to go into a zombie, auto-pilot mode when i was working so i didn't even remember what he looked like at all, beyond being a white dude in his ~late 20s. i did not call him what kind of girl does he think i am handing me some dirty old receipt. don't i deserve expensive stationary, with an envelope and a wax seal on it, written in beautiful calligraphy?

    i guess that was more a note than a letter and wasn't on a dating site but oh well.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Etherea's Avatar
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    I've gotten some funny ones on pretty much most sites I belong to. MySpace was the one I got them on the most before I deleted my profile. I've gotten one or two on Facebook as well. I don't remember specifics, but spelling mistakes and grammatical errors were prevalent. Some real charmers, those. :P

    Edit: Oh yeah. I have an okcupid profile that explicitly states that I'm in a relationship and says please do not contact me, that I don't care what you have to say. So I got this message:

    Him: darn ladie, do you really care that little?
    Me: Care that little about...?
    Him: me talking to you chick
    (I look at his profile, he's interested in hooking up and not friendship)
    Me: Oh, yeah, you're right then. I don't care. Have a nice day.


    No further response
    2w3 - 6w7 - 9w8 sp/sx

    Protip: Assume everyone is mistyped until proven otherwise.

  6. #6
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phoenix View Post
    "I'm captivated" --------- Just two words that led to me being online stalked and having my boundaries severely crossed over period of a month or so.

    "You have a very, very, very, sexy mind." ---- I ignored that one - because it didn't seem authentic enough.
    Wow. Those are actually better than the vast majority of what I receive.

    Remember, I'm being hit on by guys, and you're being hit on by women. So the bottom-feeding level, I think, is different. As a woman, those two lines might have gotten a response from me if a man had sent them.

    With guys, usually it's just crappy one-lines. More civil responses I often get, "Oh you have such a beautiful smile / such beautiful eyes." But I don't really view those as authentic responses, because to me it just means you looked at my profile picture and didn't care enough to read anything in my profile -- or if you did, you didn't care to invest a response incorporating any of it, it wasn't important to you. I don't want to date a guy who just thinks I 've pretty eyes and doesn't care about anything else.

    One response I did get that I responded to -- a guy asked me where I went hiking at, since in my profile I had mentioned hiking. to me, it meant he actually read my profile and was writing me because he was interested in something I actually did or liked to do. A real contact.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  7. #7
    libtard SJW chickpea's Avatar
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    oh no, i forgot my favorite one of all time. i did not know this person, for the record.

    the best part has to be "i dont even have time to eat. it was fast and effective."

  8. #8
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    oh man after reading this thread, I need to start pursuing relationships, because I need a good laugh
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  9. #9
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chana View Post
    my manager was cracking up and making fun of me for it. the guy didn't speak to me or make conversation with me at all, and i used to go into a zombie, auto-pilot mode when i was working so i didn't even remember what he looked like at all, beyond being a white dude in his ~late 20s. i did not call him what kind of girl does he think i am handing me some dirty old receipt. don't i deserve expensive stationary, with an envelope and a wax seal on it, written in beautiful calligraphy?
    ha ha! yes!

    Well, if he had only just seen you in the store and wanted to contact you before you disappeared... but he could have done better than a crumpled coffee-stained receipt. Even just walking around to find a neater piece of paper. I might have responded to this one, it depends on presentation; I like the originality of it. However, it could also mean a weirdo who can't talk directly to women; it depends on how he was dressed, probably (disheveled? Or with some self-respect?)

    i guess that was more a note than a letter and wasn't on a dating site but oh well.
    Anything is acceptable in this thread.

    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    oh man after reading this thread, I need to start pursuing relationships, because I need a good laugh
    Honestly, my bbf and I chat via IM at work each day, swapping stories of our latest admirers from OKC, etc. It's hilarious, sometimes. I think I shared a few months ago in my private blog about this guy that was hitting on her on OKC, and after we discussed it, she showed me his picture and I was dumbfounded to realize it was one of my best friends in the few years after high school -- and he was lying about his age by ten years (to seem closer to her age). When she said she wasn't interested, he got mad at her for "lying" on her profile by not saying she just wanted to be pen pals; she told him she was only interested in guys within the designated age range and he didn't fit the bill, so he could just shove off. Dude.....
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  10. #10
    Senior Member Phoenix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chana View Post
    oh no, i forgot my favorite one of all time. i did not know this person, for the record.

    the best part has to be "i dont even have time to eat. it was fast and effective."
    o.0 --- woah --- That's ... horrible.

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