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Thread: Actual Real-Life Really Bad Pickup Letters/Lines/Attempts

  1. #11
    Temporal Mechanic. Array Lexicon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    5w6 sp/sx


    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I just found this in my inbox on a dating site this morning. I can't even begin to state my reaction to this wonderfully articulate note.

    Note how there is only a mention of my pictures, and no mention at all of anything in my profile.

    An accountant. And little command of formal English. And he wants to webcam and mic. My heart is aflutter.

    Anyone else have some good ones?

    note: This comprises about 85% of the crap I receive from dating sites. The only difference with this letter is that it's about three times longer than normal.

    My suspicion is @man found your profile.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!

    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

  2. #12
    ¿trap queen? Array chickpea's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    4w5 sx/sp


    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I might have responded to this one, it depends on presentation; I like the originality of it. However, it could also mean a weirdo who can't talk directly to women; it depends on how he was dressed, probably (disheveled? Or with some self-respect?)
    haha, my logic was that if i had zero recollection of what he looked like 10 minutes after seeing him, he probably wasn't my type.

    also: hilarious and relevant to the thread.

  3. #13


    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Wow. Those are actually better than the vast majority of what I receive.
    I suppose .. And yeh -- based on what others are sharing, I can see that the ones I've gotten are tame in comparison heh.

    Well, in my defence, I was also going through a massively devastating divorce at the time, so I was invoking a lot of empathy in the INFJ section as I was busy spilling my innards all over the place to even realize that that kind of "defeated but still fighting" thing attracts some women o.0

    I've been told that I'm beyond naive when it comes to figuring out whether someone is genuinely interested in me as a person as opposed to what I do for them.

    PerC was my first ever online experience and I really had absolutely no idea that people flirt with each other online, or that it could be used as a tool to come together in any way except sharing of each others' minds - hence the drama with the first one. I matured fast after that one :P

  4. #14
    mrs Array disregard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007


    The other day some guy tried to pick me up while I waited for my lp to get out of work. He stood several feet away from me and didn't face me completely and talked in a realllllly quiet voice. I was like wow, does he think this makes him seem cool? I basically stonefaced him until his annoying questions stopped and he walked away.

  5. #15
    .~ *aĉa virino* ~. Array Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    549 sx/sp
    LII Ni


    This guy hit me up on OKC, he was actually kinda cute, but... hey, look at his profile:

    My self-summary
    I am a creative, outgoing, and attractive man looking for an attractive, interesting woman for some uncomplicated friendship and fun.
    I am also married which OKC seems to keep dropping from my profile.

    What I’m doing with my life
    My life is spent supporting clients at work and my family at home. Looking for someone to escape with from time to time.
    Contact me if:
    *DISCLAIMER* I am not only looking for casual sex, but if I chose short term dating cupid removes the married status.
    You can handle being friends with a married man and actually want to meet.
    If you're just writing to be judgmental and/or tell me I'm going to hell don't bother. I already know.
    Aw dude....!

    Quote Originally Posted by disregard View Post
    The other day some guy tried to pick me up while I waited for my lp to get out of work. He stood several feet away from me and didn't face me completely and talked in a realllllly quiet voice. I was like wow, does he think this makes him seem cool? I basically stonefaced him until his annoying questions stopped and he walked away.
    wth is up with that? Just the craziest stuff.... Like, I just want to say, just talk to me like a regular human being, okay?
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  6. #16
    Senior Member Array EntangledLight's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012


    Quote Originally Posted by chana View Post
    oh no, i forgot my favorite one of all time. i did not know this person, for the record.

    the best part has to be "i dont even have time to eat. it was fast and effective."
    this guy is disgusting... you should have mailed him some anthrax... or traced that message back to his computer, found out where he worked, and emailed that little passage to his boss...

    i had a co-worker who was about 15-20 years older than me ask me if wanted to come to her house and cook dinner for her and her daughter... i told her that if i cooked we'd all be eating charcoal, and she said she didn't mind because her daughter could eat whatever was at her ex-husband's house and she would love some of my charcoal...

    i turned her down because this was the first time we had ever talked and i wasn't interested in cooking for strangers, and then she just turned into a bitch.

    --another time was outside of a bar, i was sitting against a wall smoking, and a dude came up... he was flamboyantly gay and aggressive in a very anti-social/potentially-harms-animals-kind-of-way. he came up and started talking to me, i knew where this was going but didn't want to just come out and say "i'm not into dudes", so i let him talk. eventually, he asks me how big my penis is, and is demanding that i show it to him... needless to say i was stuck between punching the guy in the face and catatonically/incredulously staring at the guy all slack-jawed. he then got mad! and was like, "i guess you just not going to do it then?!", and walked off... what the f**k.

  7. #17
    Administrator Array highlander's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    6w5 sx/sp
    ILI Ni


    "You look like you'd be a good dancer."

    Sad but true.

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

    Tri-type 639

  8. #18
    insert random title here Array Randomnity's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    6w5 sp/sx


    reopened glitch-closed thread.
    -end of thread-

  9. #19
    Permabanned Array
    Join Date
    Sep 2010


    Me, in a very drunken state: "I'm going to attempt to hit on you, are you ready for this?"
    Victim: "umm, ok..."
    Me: "I got nothing..."

  10. #20
    Meat Tornado Array DiscoBiscuit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009


    In college, my big brother in Lambda Chi and I used to try to convince girls of ridiculous things we'd done just for shits and giggles.

    My favorite was the time we tried to convince two girls we'd just spent the summer wrestling sharks in Belize.
    Your representative owes you, not his industry only, but his judgment; and he betrays, instead of serving you, if he sacrifices it to your opinion.
    - Edmund Burke

    8w9 sx/so

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