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  1. #51
    Senior Member The Outsider's Avatar
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    It's evolutionarily beneficial.

  2. #52
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AffirmitiveAnxiety View Post
    Hmm I can see your point. But I still dont understand how I am supposed to grasp when someone is genuinely being nice and how to define that....and for that matter WHO defines it?

    It's a passable smile. Nothing "great" it in, yet nothing threatening, putting people at ease.
    I'm also not a fan of the nice label. It's so surface value it's vomit worthy. If you can not see deeper than 'nice' please don't comment on me at all.


    Maybe some people wish they were nicer...but me... i'm filled up with my nice quota... i need me something stronger.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  3. #53
    Wake, See, Sing, Dance Cellmold's Avatar
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    I do wonder if my difficulty with this comes from being forced to develop social niceties rather than being introduced to them slowly and fairly.

    As a child I was constantly made to feel bad for the things I said, because I wasn't really a tip-toeing kind of person although I was never blunt on purpose I never saw what I was doing wrong; if people did stupid things was it wrong to question the validity of their actions and words? However now I believe I have become a tip-toer and it is all the more stressing because it is not of a genuine nature.
    'One of (Lucas) Cranach's masterpieces, discussed by (Joseph) Koerner, is in it's self-referentiality the perfect expression of left-hemisphere emptiness and a precursor of post-modernism. There is no longer anything to point to beyond, nothing Other, so it points pointlessly to itself.' - Iain McGilChrist

    Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
    "Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
    Piglet was comforted by this.
    - A.A. Milne.

  4. #54
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
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    I don't know..maybe social pressure? I think kindness is what people should have. Niceness is just..seems artificial and probably does little for others. People get the two mixed into one but they're slightly different.
    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
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  5. #55
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    I think that I'm fairly stereotypically "nice" in a lot of ways. Except for the following: if you mess me around I can become very hard and cold; I will yell if pushed/annoyed too far; and I'm probably a bit too sarcastic/cynical (not all the time, but enough of the time) to really be stereotypically "nice."

    However, I do genuinely care for the welfare of others and want to help them out. I'd say this is because:

    -I feel it's the right thing to do (in a sort of human/moral/spiritual way)
    -It feels better to me
    -It generally causes less hassle in the long run and makes things smoother and more pleasant for everyone
    -I like feeling as though I might make a positive difference in others' lives
    -It's usually less effort than being nasty! (although on the occasions when being nasty is less effort, I admit that I might sometimes fall into nastiness)
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  6. #56
    Junior Member Manifold's Avatar
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    @AffirmitiveAnxiety:

    Why are YOU "nice" in the specific situations that are currently causing you to ask this question?

    What is happening right now in your life that is bringing this up for you?

    Are you letting people walk over you and not speaking up for yourself because you can only see two options, 1) Letting yourself get walked over or 2) Freaking out and creating heated conflict? There may be a third option.

    Do you have trouble setting personal boundaries?

    You seem to be having trouble with perspective. I can relate.

  7. #57
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Sometimes I'm just nice because I have no way of phrasing just how stupid something is. So I leave it alone and nod "uh huh". And like some said, it saves a little trouble for me if I stay quiet. I don't get anything out of being an asshole all the time.

  8. #58
    Wake, See, Sing, Dance Cellmold's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Manifold View Post
    @AffirmitiveAnxiety:

    Why are YOU "nice" in the specific situations that are currently causing you to ask this question?

    What is happening right now in your life that is bringing this up for you?

    Are you letting people walk over you and not speaking up for yourself because you can only see two options, 1) Letting yourself get walked over or 2) Freaking out and creating heated conflict? There may be a third option.

    Do you have trouble setting personal boundaries?

    You seem to be having trouble with perspective. I can relate.
    It's a bit of both and something else, but yes id mainly say it is the perspective side.

    If I were to hazard a guess my mind is trying to accommodate something, but im not sure what it is, it isn't this perception of niceness as such, ive had this view from an early age, but it's suddenly come back ten-fold to irritate me. It could be im skipping like a stuck record over something.

    It's like there are 3 people looking over my shoulder and all of them are shaking their heads and tutting all the time, about things which I never gave a shit about before. I think a false social conventionality enforced on me through bullying at a young age has got in the way of my true personality, which is mainly why im often so confused on my MBTI type, and this is stifling me because im acting in a mode of operation that is not genuine or preferred and my sub-conscious or even unconscious is lashing out.

    I certainly havn't been relaxed lately about anything, although outwardly no one would know it. I made this thread because I believed that the answer lay within this question, hiding underneath it and that by opening up a discussion something might come to me or someone might help present or jarr my mind into an answer.
    I used to understand the necessity of niceness and I thought that was that, but now ive gone back to a more primitive opinion and im not sure why.
    'One of (Lucas) Cranach's masterpieces, discussed by (Joseph) Koerner, is in it's self-referentiality the perfect expression of left-hemisphere emptiness and a precursor of post-modernism. There is no longer anything to point to beyond, nothing Other, so it points pointlessly to itself.' - Iain McGilChrist

    Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
    "Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
    Piglet was comforted by this.
    - A.A. Milne.

  9. #59
    right on the left wing Philosorapteuse's Avatar
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    Yeah, I can relate actually. I never used to see the point, and I'd just say what I thought and what I wanted, without dissembling or even attempting to be tactful or take others' feelings into consideration, because I didn't view them as relevant. (Ah, inferior Fe, you're so much "fun" as a teenager.) I'd be polite because I'd been taught to, but it always seemed stupid and unnecessary, and if everyone else would just stop being squishy and start thinking instead, everything would be so much better. I was 16 or so when I started to realise that other people are people, and that maybe there were grounds for making that effort. It's taken several years to get to a point where I've found my foundations for it, as it were. It may come
    "A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices." --William James

    I'd be a card-carrying sensotard, but I can't find the goddamn card.

  10. #60
    Wake, See, Sing, Dance Cellmold's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Philosorapteuse View Post
    Yeah, I can relate actually. I never used to see the point, and I'd just say what I thought and what I wanted, without dissembling or even attempting to be tactful or take others' feelings into consideration, because I didn't view them as relevant. (Ah, inferior Fe, you're so much "fun" as a teenager.) I'd be polite because I'd been taught to, but it always seemed stupid and unnecessary, and if everyone else would just stop being squishy and start thinking instead, everything would be so much better. I was 16 or so when I started to realise that other people are people, and that maybe there were grounds for making that effort. It's taken several years to get to a point where I've found my foundations for it, as it were. It may come
    Yeah that's exactly how it is for me right now. Interesting, thanks for the insight.

    Huh I was sure of ENFJ....It could still be, might be just that I am projecting an internal conflict between inferior Ti and Fe onto other's social motives.
    'One of (Lucas) Cranach's masterpieces, discussed by (Joseph) Koerner, is in it's self-referentiality the perfect expression of left-hemisphere emptiness and a precursor of post-modernism. There is no longer anything to point to beyond, nothing Other, so it points pointlessly to itself.' - Iain McGilChrist

    Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
    "Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
    Piglet was comforted by this.
    - A.A. Milne.

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