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  1. #1
    Senior Member Butterfly's Avatar
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    Default Older woman younger man

    Hi,

    I was just curious about couple that has an older woman and a younger man.

    What would be the thoughts, remarks, fears, problems, joys etc faced by the couple AND by outside observers???

    Any comments?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
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    He wants a mother, she wants a son, both want incest.

  3. #3
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    How many years apart are we talking?
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

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  4. #4
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    My ENFJ and INFJ that I dated were both older than me (3 years and 6 years, respectively). The 3 years was fine,mother 6 years there was a slight gap in life experience but nothing that really got in the way.
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

  5. #5
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CrystalViolet View Post
    How many years apart are we talking?
    That's my question.

    Big difference first of all in the (1) actual ages of those involved and then (2) the actual age range we're describing.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nicodemus View Post
    He wants a mother, she wants a son, both want incest.
    ...You say that like it's a bad thing (or a song lyric from a Broadway musical).
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  6. #6
    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    ...You say that like it's a bad thing (or a song lyric from a Broadway musical).
    And I mean it to be an insult to the people of the Middle Ages.

  7. #7
    figsfiggyfigs
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    I think it is weird, and most I've witnessed have never worked out. I've always been rather repulsed by the idea and have generally stuck to older men. I can't stand most of the guys I know who are my age, let alone younger. Although, I'm sure there are guys my age, or younger who are beyond their years, and the same applies to a few older men I've met who have the intellect of a 5 year old. That said, I agree with nico.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by YWIR View Post
    That said, I agree with nico.
    About senza?


  9. #9
    figsfiggyfigs
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nicodemus View Post
    He wants a mother, she wants a son, both want incest.
    Quote Originally Posted by Nicodemus View Post
    About senza?


  10. #10
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    I have mixed feelings about it. I've only been in (a very small number of) relationships/dating where I was several years older or younger than the guy (ie. 4 years older, 6-8 years younger.) I've liked guys who were almost exactly the same age as me but nothing ever really materialized. I've also liked someone a lot older (12+ years) but again, it didn't develop.

    With the 4 years younger guy we were both pretty young and it was just not a good idea. I was very inexperienced in relationships and even in life, and he had a lot more relationship experience but he was very immature and selfish with it. He's since been married and divorced and from what I heard I am not sure things improved a lot.

    A lot depends on how old you both are when embarking on the relationship, of course, not just the age difference. I'm in my early thirties now so I'd maybe consider dating someone something like 4 years younger again, but even so... I would really prefer to be with someone the same age or a bit older. (Something like 4 years older seems ideal to me, everything else being equal.) I am definitely wary though of anyone who fixates on people where there is a specific age gap. Ie., either men or women only interested in partners at least 10 years younger. With people who only want someone much younger, it seems to usually be mainly about sex and/or dynamics of power, control and malleability.

    The other day I met a couple who are about to get married, friends of friends - he's about 30 and she's about 40. They seemed like nice people and a nice couple but I did meet them only briefly. I am just guessing but I would have pegged her as ISFJ and him as xNTJ. She looked a little older, but not as much as ten years. I'd probably have guessed he was 32 and she was 36 or something like that. I did get the impression he seemed a bit domineering and she seemed super-submissive and domestic. But maybe it was just their respective manners. The friend who introduced me to them knows them well though and she thought they were a really good couple. They had also been friends for at least a little while before they started dating.

    I don't think people generally find it to be a huge deal these days unless the age gap is really big. I mean, if the woman is 35 and the man is 30, for instance, I doubt many people would bat an eye. If you're talking 48 and 20, I think there would be a lot more eye-batting but that would also be the case if the man was 48 and the woman 20, at least somewhat. I suspect some people might find women chasing guys 20-25 years younger a bit "sad" or unhealthy, but again, many would feel the same about guys chasing girls 20-25 years younger. When there's that kind of age difference, and when they go for that age difference, you have to wonder why, and what kind of partnership they would have, what they would have in common, and why the older person wants something so unequal - because almost inevitably it will be unequal.

    I do think that men tend to mature more slowly and there are a lot of remarkably immature men out there (I have encountered them ranging in age from 20 to 50 - and the thing is, by the time they are 40 or 50, I really don't think there is much chance they will change or mature more.) So although everyone is an individual and there must be plenty of exceptions, I'd generally be less interested in significantly younger men.
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