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  1. #71
    violaine
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    Think it's funny when women are weirded out about men dating older women and then in the same breath say they don't like guys around their age. Dot, dot, dot - Maybe the guys who date older women don't particularly like the girls/women around their age either.

    Eh, anyway, I'm not out to win hearts and minds. I just think a lot of people model what they've seen growing up or in their own culture, almost unthinkingly. I'm sure in a few generations time no one will even blink at men dating older women.

  2. #72
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    I think sometimes people should be more like him:

    -----------------

    A man builds. A parasite asks 'Where is my share?'
    A man creates. A parasite says, 'What will the neighbors think?'
    A man invents. A parasite says, 'Watch out, or you might tread on the toes of God... '


    -----------------

  3. #73
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Butterfly View Post
    I was just curious about couple that has an older woman and a younger man.

    Any comments?
    It's their business, not mine.

  4. #74
    Senior Member UniqueMixture's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nebbykoo View Post
    Is there no age limit to 'heteronormality' then?
    The rule I've always heard for men is the youngest you can date is 1/2 your age + 7. I personally won't date more than 2 years older anymore. Too many bad experiences.
    For all that we have done, as a civilization, as individuals, the universe is not stable, and nor is any single thing within it. Stars consume themselves, the universe itself rushes apart, and we ourselves are composed of matter in constant flux. Colonies of cells in temporary alliance, replicating and decaying and housed within, an incandescent cloud of electrical impulses. This is reality, this is self knowledge, and the perception of it will, of course, make you dizzy.

  5. #75
    garbage
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    You could always put us on ignore.
    The only problem I have with this is that I miss out on their more substantive posts--it ain't about the people, necessarily; it's about the content. There isn't anyone whose posts I'd think are always completely valueless.


    Yeah. Just so I'm not completely hypocritical, I'd better come up with some substance...

    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post
    successful, established women don't give a fark about such things because, as @violaine pointed out, we have our shit together.
    This. This is what I sought out as a youngin'--someone who actually had their shit together and could hold their own in life.

    Too bad I thought that this was also highly correlated with age. It turns out that it's kind of correlated, but not as much as my dumb younger self thought. Not to be too judgmental--but the last older girl I'd dated had chosen a terrible major in college and had to move back in with the folks, didn't have a plan, and so on.

    Age is a heuristic like any other--race, culture, class, etc.--that help us in the whole selection process. I'd hope that those factors matter less and less in a relationship as the individuals get to know each other; relationships with partners who have significant differences have the danger of being defined by those differences.

  6. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by agentfurrina View Post

    successful, established women don't give a fark about such things because, as @violaine pointed out, we have our shit together.
    You sound like such a Capricorn.

  7. #77
    Unlimited Dancemoves ® AgentF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bologna View Post
    This is what I sought out as a youngin'--someone who actually had their shit together and could hold their own in life.

    Too bad I thought that this was also highly correlated with age. It turns out that it's kind of correlated, but not as much as my dumb younger self thought. Not to be too judgmental--but the last older girl I'd dated had chosen a terrible major in college and had to move back in with the folks, didn't have a plan, and so on.

    Age is a heuristic like any other--race, culture, class, etc.--that help us in the whole selection process. I'd hope that those factors matter less and less in a relationship; relationships with partners who have significant differences have the danger of being defined by those differences.
    nicely-put.

    a friend of mine dated a woman 20 years older (he was 22 when they met). he said he saw how cultured/well-travelled/sophisticated she was and pursued her until she gave in. she was very reluctant to date him initially. they spent 6 years together, during which time he assumed the role of the man of the [rather fucked up] house: paid the bills, moved/unpacked her 3x, came to love her little boy, and generally helped her recover from a nasty divorce. she got back on her feet and, quite unfortunately, that's when their problems began. or maybe that's when a next stage of their relationship could have begun. who knows...due to the significant age difference they had to endure stares at restaurants, questions about whether she was his mother, comments from her friends about her new boy-toy etc. still, they loved each other and went from being open about their relationship, to being private, to not giving a damn and laughing about other people's small-mindedness.

    in the end she left him for a man closer to her age but in a way that was consultative, rather than just cheating or doing a fade-out. he said that's the kind of behavior he appreciated in an older woman: they are experienced communicators who have less to lose because they know who they are and what they want.

    i would love to hear her perspective. one thing he told me was that her ex had criticized her for not having a perfect body after she gave birth and that [understandably] fucked with her head. what kind of asshole does that? (and how short-sighted: a woman hits her sexual prime sometime in her late 30s or early 40s, numbskull.)

    interesting note: she's apparently quite an alpha woman and intimidates most men her age as she's an attractive executive. there's something to be said for a younger guy who can handle a dominant woman where other men cannot. and that something can be summed up by the word H.O.T.
    I may be kindly, I am ordinarily gentle, but in my line of business I am obliged to will terribly what I will at all.
    ~ Catherine the Great


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  8. #78
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    I say go for it, as long as both people are done with high school.

  9. #79
    Senior Member Butterfly's Avatar
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    WOW!! Just WOW!
    Firstly, I didnt expect so many responses. I came from work thinking let me log in, maybe I'll get like 4 responses, but 90+ ...wow.

    Secondly, Thanks for your views and responses. They are just amazing. So many views from so much life experiences. But the general view is its OK as long as youre both happy. Thats good to hear. : )
    I can't believe some of the posts where the age was 20 + difference. That goes to show the open mindedness of some people.

    My situation is that as an ENFP I probabaly do act younger at times, but I am mature at the same time. I DO look younger than my age, about 10 years younger I have been told.

    OK Im in my 30s, he's in mid 20s. He seems pretty determined, but i was hesitant in the start thinking its a large age gap. But he shares the same values (fromt the little I know of him). Lets see how things work out. Its still early days.
    Also I think one fear women have is that they will look older than the guy, therefore less attractive in the long run. Maybe he will leave me for a younger women when hes done with me? Maybe I wont look that attractive to him in 5 years time. These things come to mind.

    But I guess I was trying to explore the possibilities, hence the reason for my question. But looks like alls not bad!! : )
    Will keep you posted on the progress (if any).

  10. #80
    Senior Member Nicodemus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Butterfly View Post
    Also I think one fear women have is that they will look older than the guy, therefore less attractive in the long run. Maybe he will leave me for a younger women when hes done with me? Maybe I wont look that attractive to him in 5 years time. These things come to mind.
    Looks are not everything, especially with feisty ENFPs. If you stay together for five years, it will not be for looks. If it is for looks that he is interested in you now, he will not stay for five years anyway. Of course looks are not entirely irrelevant, but I think natural aging is less of a factor in making people less attractive than getting sloppy with your body. And nobody has to get sloppy.

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