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  1. #21
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by UniqueMixture View Post
    Maybe I shouldn't have children after all

    Haha, a nice excuse to delay the process huh.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  2. #22
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    Well by not doing the work, for starters...this has nothing to do with her being a P, the not doing assignments directly in class. My grandparents had to basically make me do my homework before they'd let me play or hang out, but the only classes I didn't do the work in class were algebra II and chemistry in high school, and then because I found them overwhelmingly difficult and horrible. So I would do things like write poetry or read novels instead.

    Another possibility is that your daughter skips class entirely. There's more going on here than she just forgot. You need to work with her teachers and find out what's really going on here. So far it sounds like she hates art and English so chooses to disregard them. Since she's only twelve you may have to get a little more strict with her bc this could potentially get even worse in high school.

  3. #23
    Senior Member UniqueMixture's Avatar
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    @HelenOfTroy Probably
    For all that we have done, as a civilization, as individuals, the universe is not stable, and nor is any single thing within it. Stars consume themselves, the universe itself rushes apart, and we ourselves are composed of matter in constant flux. Colonies of cells in temporary alliance, replicating and decaying and housed within, an incandescent cloud of electrical impulses. This is reality, this is self knowledge, and the perception of it will, of course, make you dizzy.

  4. #24
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    The only thing that got me back on track was consequences and loss of future opportunities that blocked my long-term dream/goal of becoming a/an "X". If there doesn't seem to be a point that the kid feels is relevant than she's not gonna care.

    This also applied with basically all my FP friends.

    I still don't enjoy it but I know that I have an end goal that I really want to meet.

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by HelenOfTroy View Post
    Ugh, i was terrible at secondary school (think that could be middle school?), i thought most of the teachers were idiots who didn't allow free thinkers any space. It was just so...you listen, you repeat, you learn. And all with dire meaningless monotony. However i did exceptionally well in any classes i had with interesting teachers...for example my Spanish teacher used to teach us about all the different Hispanic countries...their traditions, thier history, literature, art,culture...as well as the language itself. Plus he was really quirky.
    Interestingly though i did love art in the general, the art teacher and the classes themselves were both awful... i got an F too. I dropped out of school when i was 14/15 without having taken any exams... then i went to college when i was 18, chose topics i enjoyed and got straight A's (i did have the advantage of age by that time though) but it wasn't so much about that as the difference in attitude between school teachers and college teachers.
    I went to uni later, much later, but didn't compete the degree, I am now thinking of doing science degree with the OU though.
    Sorry that was much longer than i meant it to be. I think i agree with what you said...school just isn't for everyone. It needs to change...the whole system.

    EDIT: I think secondary is equivalent to high school
    secondary school is both middle and high school...you sound somewhat like me... I actually did well in school up until 8th grade, mainly because I was closely supervised up until that point, where structure was basically put in place FOR me...in high school I would make As in classes I loved and could make Cs and Ds in classes I hated. Or I wouldn't do homework but made good grades on major projects or tests. I graduated with a 2.7 and only by threat of death ...j/k but seriously by threats of how hard the world is, and even suggestions Id be homeless if I chose not to graduate. As in, immediately kicked out of the house. It worked, plus I loved being around my friends at school and didn't want to be some weirdo who was out of the loop bc I dropped out. Plus I got a job so it wasn't even that I was irresponsible or really all that immature, but that I hated school.
    In college I had a 3.9 gpa bc I was able to choose what I studied, and also was older, I didn't go to uni until I was in my 20s and had already worked traveled and been on my own for years. It was the sense of freedom independence and control over my own life that I actually wanted.

    I still withdrew after 3 yrs but want to do something practical like culinary or massage now.

  6. #26
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    I didn't read other posts so ignore me if what I say has been said. I wonder if she's stressed about how behind she is and doesn't even want to think about schoolwork because the very thought of it is stressful? Could you speak with her and her teachers to try to help her find a way to get out from underneath the pile of work she's neglected? But then of course, she has to be able to turn in her work. I do think some Ps get really anxious about time-sensitive deadlines and fall into the trap of putting things off so that they don't feel stressed... But then another kind of stress builds. I think anyone who has been successful at pulling things out of the fire at the last minute can come to rely on that too much - and can be a bit shocked and not know how to adapt when that no longer works because the work is more complex and requires day to day effort.

    Could you talk to her and glean if it's a problem of motivation or if she works according to inspiration - which doesn't come when bidden. And then perhaps help her to find a way of studying that works for her and is effective. It's hard to give advice as a J, because structure works for me and I don't want to assume that works for everyone. Perhaps her being in a routine of doing two to three hours (or whatever is required) every night would help. Or could you find an interesting tutor that will work with her and help her see the little steps she needs to take to get where she wants to in life? From my conversations with a few Ps I know, I suspect that Ps have a bit of a hard time seeing how getting from A to B happens gradually. A weekend spent cramming and hustling to get work done does not produce the same quality of work as effort expended over a few weeks. (And it must be exhausting, which is probably when people just give up. :/ )

    I would just try to help her find a way out if she is feeling stressed, but also insist that she adopts some kind of work schedule. I know that a work-then-do-something-enjoyable kind of schedule has worked for a few Ps I've known.

  7. #27
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    I tell my husband that she isn't going to do anything she doesn't decide to do.
    It's challenging for sure. Of course you will teach her that there are repercussions etc to her inattentiveness at school, but ultimately, she holds the key to that inner motivation, the place where drive pushes through the feelings of resistance and she actually gets stuff done.

    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    It's not that she's so smart she's bored, it's that it holds no interest.
    Yes, "interest" is exactly the word my son uses, not boring, just not interesting.
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
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    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
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  8. #28
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    secondary school is both middle and high school...you sound somewhat like me... I actually did well in school up until 8th grade, mainly because I was closely supervised up until that point, where structure was basically put in place FOR me...in high school I would make As in classes I loved and could make Cs and Ds in classes I hated. Or I wouldn't do homework but made good grades on major projects or tests. I graduated with a 2.7 and only by threat of death ...j/k but seriously by threats of how hard the world is, and even suggestions Id be homeless if I chose not to graduate. As in, immediately kicked out of the house. It worked, plus I loved being around my friends at school and didn't want to be some weirdo who was out of the loop bc I dropped out. Plus I got a job so it wasn't even that I was irresponsible or really all that immature, but that I hated school.
    In college I had a 3.9 gpa bc I was able to choose what I studied, and also was older, I didn't go to uni until I was in my 20s and had already worked traveled and been on my own for years. It was the sense of freedom independence and control over my own life that I actually wanted.

    I still withdrew after 3 yrs but want to do something practical like culinary or massage now.
    Oh yes, i did very well in primary school, was eager to please... somewhat dreamy though.
    I wasn't worried about leaving school despite threats. I already had a part-time job at 12, worked full time when i left school. When the education welfare officer came to do a home visit i had a film crew in my house ... the "how do you expect to find a well paying job?" lecture was completely lost on me. I had so many ideas and always had plenty of job offers. The education side of things was not ever about employment, just a thirst for knowledge. In hindsight not the best attitude.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  9. #29
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    I stopped doing homework in 4th grade and would lie to my parents about having things done or whether or not something was due. It was a huge power struggle, I have no suggestions cuz nothing worked for me.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  10. #30
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    Help!

    My EFP (probable ENFP) 12 year old is so awful at school. When she turns projects in she usually gets A's and B's. Lately she isn't even turning things in. She will just tell us that stuff isn't due (I did the same thing) and not turn things in. She says she forgot stuff at school or that it's on the computer at school so she'll "just print it out tomorrow"

    She currently has an F in Art Class and a D+ in language arts.

    I'm sure there are other P's that had/have this problem. I usually gamed the system enough to get pretty good grades, but definitely underachieved. She is to the point where she just doesn't turn stuff in at all. That's not really gaming anymore.

    Any suggestions for a P that just won't even turn stuff in? Art class doesnt even HAVE HOMEWORK.

    Thank you for any suggestions, feel free to post what you want, anything might help. The "my kid gets bad grades" google search is a big phail.
    That's horrible!
    Is there an issue or is there an unhealthy relationship she has with the teacher perhaps? Just theoretically, if there is, a student might feel discouraged or might be avoidant of the teacher. It could be that approaching the teacher and turning in papers is a horrible experience..just to have to approach the teacher's desk. Its hard to tell but I'm feeling your issue.
    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
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