User Tag List

Results 1 to 9 of 9

  1. #1
    Senior Member Vilku's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    MBTI
    MBTI
    Enneagram
    0w0
    Posts
    400

    Default When leading conversations, how much attention you pay to the counterpart?

    and what kind of attention?

    ive noticed i only like to converse when i have control over whats being talked about, but i pay attention even to the slightest hint of possibly arising thought from the other side. often to the end, they havent even got the tought which they would have were i not to talk at that moment, into such end they dont themselves know they would have got that thought but i know and insist them on bringing it up and there it comes.


    if i dont have control, i go into silent mode. (which means, 'your not able to produce a topic i would like to talk about and neither am i, so get off.' in that mode i primarily give mh, hmm responses or quick spotless explanations to various things. which should give off the mood 'i know this perfectly, and now i just gave it to you. dont question it. i dont want to talk of it.')

    this control is not about monologue, quite the opposite.
    i learn the others interest areas and am thus able to have them do as much of talking as i can make them to, while i have the control as to what they will talk about. the optimal state id consider when share is 50/50 when ive mastered understanding the other and thus effortless to make it completely spontaneous conversation with high amounts of feelings, in it. the state where both can drop defences completely and be themselves.
    i suppose that makes me Sx dom, as my primary goal is always the intense feelings i get by reaching that state. (there has been only one group ive succeeded to do it with, as its harder to make sure no one is left out feeling excluded of that state.)

    also this control thing, can you relate?
    it just makes me 100% frustrated if i dont have control. (aka im not feeling physically capable enough to or ive deemed the counterparts interest area too self centered/down to earth/limited, in general, just unable to find any common ground and they keep talking about [insert most boring down to earth topic here]. i can do activities down on earth but never, never will i talk of any of it. makes me vomit mentally. in those situations i shut my input and go into my head to fastforward the time.)

    whats your take on all of this? i want your thoughts NOW!!! =O..
    REALLY.
    every, single, one, of them.

    (i hope you can remember all these questions as well as i can, and to answer them, but heres one more: (one..? >.<) you find my ways related to any mbti type? i just cant seem to fit into any of the 16 types. nor the disorder types.)

  2. #2
    garbage
    Guest

    Default

    I try to pay the utmost attention to the people I'm conversing with, especially if I'm the one leading the conversation or posing the questions. I listen, because people just tend to not listen in conversations and it's typically refreshing for the other party. It's respectful and you get more information and good ideas out there, so all around it seems to me to be the right thing to do.

    I also try to package the things that I say in a manner that other parties will actually receive them--so, not a lot of flowy, meandering paragraphs or disjointed words--so that I can actually get good quality conversation going.

    Otherwise, it's just one person saying a bunch of stuff, dominating the airtime, and allowing themselves to get the sort of feedback that they probably need.

    Vying for dominance and control, especially 'arguments by volume,' is an animal's game.

  3. #3
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Enneagram
    827 sp/so
    Posts
    20,124

    Default

    listening is important, tone of voice is important as well... watching and controlling their body language is very important as well... either mirroring them or leading them to mirror you effects how they feel quite a bit

    if you want control of a conversation, you have to know ahead of time where it's going to go and then make it go there... it's quite simple really

    ** whatever controls conversations for a living

    *** whatever also suspects that the thread starter will discount her response under suspicion of type, which is not listed or definitively confirmed anywhere... ambiguity is where it's at
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  4. #4
    Senior Member Vilku's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    MBTI
    MBTI
    Enneagram
    0w0
    Posts
    400

    Default

    i dont want to control for any purpose. only, cause i feel frustrated if im drawn into conversations i dont want.
    thus i want the control to make the conversation worthy, since others dont seem to poses this ability to make conversations into climax of mutual feelings.
    and the conversations i dont want are these where no mutual feelings exist.
    there has to be clear understanding of the others feelings, in such a level where its 100% unconscious. you simply feel what the other feels, and the other way.
    and when you have that, you can generate a singularity of feelings, by rising the excitment level.
    is this not what people are after in for conversations? apparently not, since others lead it to some other than that direction, which frustrates me and makes the conversation utterly pointless.

    Quote Originally Posted by bologna View Post
    Vying for dominance and control, especially 'arguments by volume,' is an animal's game.
    thats also known as immaturity. and the latter stereotypical male S behavior. (and which btw, is literally physical torture for me since i poses a permanent injury in my right ear.)

  5. #5
    Senior Member Vilku's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    MBTI
    MBTI
    Enneagram
    0w0
    Posts
    400

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    listening is important, tone of voice is important as well... watching and controlling their body language is very important as well... either mirroring them or leading them to mirror you effects how they feel quite a bit

    if you want control of a conversation, you have to know ahead of time where it's going to go and then make it go there... it's quite simple really

    ** whatever controls conversations for a living

    *** whatever also suspects that the thread starter will discount her response under suspicion of type, which is not listed or definitively confirmed anywhere... ambiguity is where it's at
    actually, the beginning of your message made me suspect you as a sensor for being able to pay attention _consciously_ to the other.
    i just kind of let it go in automatic.

    they either respond to my body language or they will respond when ive made them drop defence stance.

    although with unresponsive T's it takes more, and with too short conversations might not poses that time and thus my bodylanguage has automatically turned into lesser use, which btw frustrates me as i cant quite express my feelings then.

  6. #6
    garbage
    Guest

    Default

    I'm with you; I prefer when conversations involve everyone around and when noone is left out. This either means that those who are left out should be free to leave, or that we should work to include them in the conversation.

    There are many purposes to conversation--engaging other people, increasing comradery, social banter, appeasement, fun, exchanging information--so specific rules regarding the nature of conversation are bound to fail if we're not attuned to their purpose.

    Quote Originally Posted by Vilku View Post
    actually, the beginning of your message made me suspect you as a sensor for being able to pay attention _consciously_ to the other.
    i just kind of let it go in automatic.
    She's a sensor, but for other reasons; body language is kind of a thing that I consciously pay attention to as well. I may also unconsciously pay attention to bits and pieces of it--but the awareness of it in a conscious way is useful and important.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Vilku's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    MBTI
    MBTI
    Enneagram
    0w0
    Posts
    400

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by bologna View Post
    I'm with you; I prefer when conversations involve everyone around and when noone is left out. This either means that those who are left out should be free to leave, or that we should work to include them in the conversation.

    There are many purposes to conversation--engaging other people, increasing comradery, social banter, appeasement, fun, exchanging information--so specific rules regarding the nature of conversation are bound to fail if we're not attuned to their purpose.


    She's a sensor, but for other reasons; body language is kind of a thing that I consciously pay attention to as well. I may also unconsciously pay attention to bits and pieces of it--but the awareness of it in a conscious way is useful and important.
    i suppose learning these things is a consciously analytical process for all t's.

    ive noticed im not really very conscious at all.
    at times, 20 minutes feels longer to me than years. (for example if i sleep 20 minutes in a very contentful way.)
    or, when i concentrate myself on memories, time around me seems to stop completely.
    (but i never really do, as i just dont care about them, but once did as an experiment.)

    sometimes i can keep thinking, for even 5 hours and its as if no time passed at all, but in those upper mentioned cases its the very opposite.
    (and concerning the amount of "thinking" done is quite a small amount although huge time span, when at other times a few minutes would do the same results.)

    brain biology is fascinating.

  8. #8
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    INtp
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/so
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    5,091

    Default

    I'm not the best conversationalist because my mind tends to drift too much, particularly when the other person is discussing something of little interest or relevance to me. I want to look like I'm at least somewhat interested and don't want to offend the other person, yet faking interest always feels awkward. Also awkward is when I'm conversing in a group and the topic is something I'm uncomfortable talking about or it is something I have no knowledge on. Sometimes, I can gracefully exit out of such conversations. When that doesn't work, I either nervously await for the course of conversation to change to a more comfortable or interesting topic or I take action and try to steer the conversation to a topic more to my liking without trying to make it obvious that I don't want to discuss the original topic.
    INtp
    5w6 or 9w1 sp/so/sx, I think
    Ravenclaw/Hufflepuff
    Neutral Good
    LII-Ne




  9. #9
    ReflecTcelfeR
    Guest

    Default

    i cate storngly to the counerpart, because I don't be wboared.

Similar Threads

  1. How much do you pay for internet connection?
    By Rail Tracer in forum Science, Technology, and Future Tech
    Replies: 32
    Last Post: 09-23-2014, 10:59 AM
  2. How much would YOU pay for a well-painted portrait?
    By seamaid in forum Arts & Entertainment
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: 06-16-2010, 07:56 PM
  3. How much do you relate to your type's profile?
    By Asterion in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 44
    Last Post: 09-01-2009, 09:41 AM
  4. [ISFP] ISFP, How much do you relate to these?
    By wolfy in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 06-08-2009, 06:44 PM
  5. How much are you going to make this week?
    By Lateralus in forum Politics, History, and Current Events
    Replies: 41
    Last Post: 10-15-2008, 08:16 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO