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  1. #661
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    And on a lighter note:



    ("NASA, we have confirmation on that knife sighting....")




    (Do I hear $52?)



    (Why is this happening enough to warrant a sign??? ... wait, I think I see a stain... o.O)



    29 Bonafide Smartasses Who Will Make You Shake Your Head
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft
    Likes Glint, PocketFullOf, riva liked this post

  2. #662
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    From the "Hey, it worked 2000 years ago!" department....

    Mother claims daughter is pregnant with Jesus

    ...Judy Peters believes her daughter, Amanda, is pregnant due to otherworldly intervention and is due to give birth to Jesus.

    It seems Amanda was three months pregnant before her mother caught on to what was happening. Like any other mom, Judy took her to their doctor, who could only assume that the girl had been active sexually. Judy then begged God to show forgiveness to her daughter for what she had obviously done.

    That’s when things got decidedly confusing. According to Judy, God appeared to her through a vision. God told her, she said, that Amanda became pregnant by immaculate conception and that she would give birth to baby Jesus.

    ...Judy decided to tell her daughter about the vision, who was reportedly “overjoyed,” not so much due to the idea that Jesus was in her belly but more so because, as she put it, she was not grounded anymore and even got her phone privileges back.

    “Things are the double bomb right now,” Amanda said. “My mom’s totally supportive and buying me lots of cool stuff I want and said she is going to pay for everything Jesus needs.”

    Judy states that she was originally “sick with grief” about what it appeared that her daughter had done. Now, she added, she is “happily relieved to know she’s still a virgin and this was all God’s doing.” Judy also noted that she finds it hard to believe that she will be Jesus’ grandmother....
    To be honest, it sounds like it could be a parody story. Not sure. But it's telling that I'm actually unsure.

    Mother claims daughter is pregnant with Jesus - Toronto Paranormal | Examiner.com
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  3. #663
    literally your mother PocketFullOf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    From the "Hey, it worked 2000 years ago!" department....



    To be honest, it sounds like it could be a parody story. Not sure. But it's telling that I'm actually unsure.

    Mother claims daughter is pregnant with Jesus - Toronto Paranormal | Examiner.com


    Taking a concept to it's logical end is rarely logical or relevant to the subject at hand.
    Johari Nohari
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  4. #664
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Don't know if I posted any of these before, but.... Break up letters:














    That third one is just... like... srsly? As if that's gonna be any consolation? ("You loved me so well, I now can love my new lover -- thank you so much! But, oh yeah, see ya.")
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  5. #665
    Male johnnyyukon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Not much more to say...



    Sheriff: Burned armpit hair led to Idaho car crash - Yahoo News


    *injuries were actually minor.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Don't know if I posted any of these before, but.... Break up letters:














    That third one is just... like... srsly? As if that's gonna be any consolation? ("You loved me so well, I now can love my new lover -- thank you so much! But, oh yeah, see ya.")
    LOL, how am I just now discovering this thread?

    So I've done some stupid shit, but whoever lit the driver's armpit hair on fire should probably be neutered. Shit's almost too funny to be true.

    And the article with the ninjas was written in a humorous tone but what the hell? They had knives and a stun gun, and where the hell did a samurai sword come from? Was this the home of a competing ninja clan?? "amateur ninjas" indeed.

    In fact this is a disgrace to the whole ninja union. I'm guessing the sentence will be ritual seppuku.

    This is how it's done (courteousy of theonion)




    And for a second I saw "Dear Jennifer" and was like, you date some interesting cats, but realized it said Jessica.
    I've had this ice cream bar, since I was a child!

    Each thought's completely warped
    I'm like a walkin', talkin', ouija board.

  6. #666
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    More shocking than funny, tbh.

    I wonder if American crime rates would drop if this became more prominent.



    Democratic Republic of Congo (Reuters) - A crowd stoned to death a young man in northeast Congo on Friday before burning and eating his corpse, witnesses said, in apparent revenge for a series of attacks by Ugandan rebels.

    The incident in the town of Beni followed a number of overnight raids in the area blamed on the Islamist group ADF-NAUL, who are thought to have massacred more than 100 people this month, using hatchets and machetes to kill their victims.

    Witnesses said the man, who has not been identified, aroused suspicion on a bus when passengers discovered he could not speak the local Swahili language and that he was carrying a machete...

    Congo crowd kills man, eats him after militant massacres: witnesses - Yahoo News
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  7. #667
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Seriously?

    Naturalist and herpetologist, Paul Rosolie, is going where no man has (willingly) gone before. He is currently making plans to be swallowed by an anaconda. According to a Thursday, Nov. 6 report by Fox News, Rosolie will be eaten alive by an anaconda for a Discovery Channel special.

    The 26-year-old will be wearing a “custom-built snake-proof suit.” There will also be an “emergency line” attached to his ankle. That is just in case something should go wrong and he has to be removed from inside the snake quickly.

    Wildlife advocates are calling this odd and potentially dangerous experiment “cruel.” They are calling the Discovery Channel's special, entitled “Eaten Alive,” both “cruel” and “disgusting.” They feel it will be traumatic for the giant snake. They believe it is being done “for the wonder of live TV,” instead of for scientific discovery....

    Herpetologist making plans to be eaten alive by anaconda - Oklahoma City Top News | Examiner.com

    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  8. #668
    Male johnnyyukon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Seriously?
    Jesus Christ.

    Used to be, this shit is what I saw on National Inquirer in grocery store lines.

    Now, Discovery channel?

    p.s. I can't wait to see what happens.
    I've had this ice cream bar, since I was a child!

    Each thought's completely warped
    I'm like a walkin', talkin', ouija board.

  9. #669
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by johnnyyukon View Post
    p.s. I can't wait to see what happens.
    If there is any justice, the cord will come unfastened and that snake will have a hell of a wonderful Thanksgiving.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft
    Likes johnnyyukon liked this post

  10. #670
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    Bad Molly Takes Colorado State Student On Insane, Masturbatory Rampage

    We've heard of poppin' some molly and sweatin', but not popping molly, snorting some coke, having a seizure, car-jacking an ambulance that was sent to help you, careening every which way through traffic, and then jerking off in the police station. That'd probably make for a better song, though.

    The above scenario was just a night out for Colorado State student Stefan Sortland. Sortland took the above-mentioned drugs before heading off to a Halloween party. At some point in the night, Sortland noticed an empty ambulance outside, and thought, Shit, time for some joy riding! According to police reports acquired by Denver's ABC 7, police tracked the vehicle and found it in bad shape:

    Loveland police officers said they found the ambulance in the middle of Highway 34 with several doors open, heavy front-end damage and fluid leaking.

    One officer said it appeared the driver of the ambulance had hit the raised median, jumped the curb, hit a sign, went the wrong way and crossed back over the median before stopping.

    Officers said they found 18-year-old Stefan Sortland standing about 30 yards from the stopped ambulance wearing an EMT vest. Officers shot him with a stun gun when he refused their commands. Sortland had a blanket, a cell phone and a box of Wheat Thins with him.
    After eventually subduing the 18-year-old, the cops took him back to the station, where more hijinks ensued:

    Sortland was taken to the Loveland Police Department.

    There he "stood on a bench, kicked the wall, and masturbated," according to the police report.

    Police said during his interview with officers, Sortland made a reference that his "friends/roommates were dead, in heaven, and had committed suicide."
    Somebody find that kid a better dealer. That was some bad molly.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

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