Utah man’s confessional obituary owns up to life of pranks
Val Patterson with his wife, Mary Jane (Starks Funeral Parlor)Val Patterson said his life motto was "Anything for a laugh." And after the 59-year-old died of lung cancer last week, he owned up to a few humorous events from his life.
Patterson's obituary in The Salt Lake Tribune begins like many others, with a loving tribute to his wife, Mary Jane, and recollections of a life lived in full. But then things get more interesting, as Patterson notes, "Now that I have gone to my reward, I have confessions and things I should now say."
First up, the former engineer admits he never earned the advanced degree from the University of Utah that gained him entrance to his chosen professional career:
"What happened was that the day I went to pay off my college student loan at the U of U, the girl working there put my receipt into the wrong stack, and two weeks later, a PhD diploma came in the mail. I didn't even graduate, I only had about 3 years of college credit. In fact, I never did even learn what the letters 'PhD' even stood for."
..."I AM the guy who stole the safe from the Motor View Drive Inn back in June, 1971." And in a far more comical confession, "Now to that really mean Park Ranger; after all, it was me that rolled those rocks into your geyser and ruined it. I did notice a few years later that you did get Old Faithful working again."
..."To Disneyland - you can now throw away that 'Banned for Life' file you have on me, I'm not a problem anymore - and SeaWorld San Diego, too, if you read this..."