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  1. #1
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    Default Could someone explain to me how it's possible for someone my age to not be depressed?

    I guess I'm at that awkward stage where I'm not yet an adult..but I'm definately not a kid.

    My youth was awesome..can't complain really (I mean, I can..but I choose not to).
    My future is murky at best. I have no money...in fact I owe people money. As such..even the bed I sleep on at night isn't really mine. I'm about to get a piece of paper saying that I went to a college. I have a career I'm working towards..but not one that is particularly exciting(day to day, at least). The world around me confuses me...people of the past have set up these elaborate social institutions for purposes that aren't quite clear to me. I have my own hopes and dreams that I would love to see accomplished within my life time...but barring a miracle I realize that it's not likely to ever happen. My girl situation sucks..and it's not looking like it's going to get any better. Girls=time and money...two things I do not have. Also, Family=Poverty apparently. Really, the only thing that "growing up" has added to my formerly near perfect life is that I get to drugs..and get to chase women for sex. (Sometimes at the same time!)

    And in exchange for drugs and sex...I get a boatload of problems (both my own and the world's) and the abundance of emotional trauma that goes with it. It's like waking up with a constant pile of bricks on your back.."I want to this..but I shouldn't" "Should I do this?" "Will this screw this up?" "How do I do this?" "Can this be done?" "Does she like me?" "Do I like her?" "If I'm not looking to get married, then why even talk to her?" "How much money is enoug?"

    It's enough to make me wake up in the morning and be like "Fuck it, I'm going to bed..".

    I often wonder if people think I'm depressed. I also wonder why the hell they aren't.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Beargryllz's Avatar
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    Redefine your standards to fit the world around you

    Then excel

    For example, I quickly realized how incredibly awesome my life is once I realized that most humans who have existed don't have running water or the ability to read. This gives me a sense of genuine superiority from which I run my life and a tiny extension of the universe around me.

  3. #3
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    Answer: By not overthinking and doing what you're supposed to do.
    I don't yet know what that means, but probably doesn't involve spending scarce money on drugs.
    -----------------

    A man builds. A parasite asks 'Where is my share?'
    A man creates. A parasite says, 'What will the neighbors think?'
    A man invents. A parasite says, 'Watch out, or you might tread on the toes of God... '


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  4. #4
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by xisnotx View Post
    I often wonder if people think I'm depressed. I also wonder why the hell they aren't.
    I would say you're over thinking it but I dont think that's the whole of the problem, it sounds like you're being overly pessimistic and not the good kind either.

    I loved it in my teenage and early twenties years, which I think is the period of time you're talking about, I had no money but that hasnt ever worried me and I've got to say that I've always lived along the lines that once you've provided against the basics of food, warmth and shelter then you're laughing and everything else is icing on the cake.

    The dilemmas you mention are precisely what makes life interesting for me and worth getting up each day.

  5. #5
    Senior Member kyli_ryan's Avatar
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    I'm on a constant reel of "wow... I feel like shit" and "you know what, anything can happen. Tomorrow is another day!" I'm confusing the hell out of myself... but for now I'm a little bit on the down side, so I don't know what to say for you except "you'll get through it."

  6. #6
    Superwoman Red Herring's Avatar
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    A few random points:

    - not knowing where your career will take you is normal at that stage. But you are about to graduate and therefor already have an advantage over a lot of other people who have no degree at all. Nobody forces you to stick to the career you are currently aiming for. You can always start all over again. And in order to advance in any field you have to invest/specialize enough that it seems to close a few other doors but - with a few rare exceptions - it is hardly ever too late. So don't sweat it.
    - re the girl situation: girls = time and money? What is this? The 1950s? I get that meeting people and spending time with them occupies time off your oh so busy schedule but come on - money? I mean, going out with a girl once in a while to have a burger or an icecream is nice, but if you need cash to attract and/or keep somebody there is something fishy going on. Yeah, losers aren't execatly sexy, but that simply means that it is preferable for you not to spend your life unemployed in your mother's basement playing video games all day. A family sounds liek long term planning. Don't worry about that now. When you have a girlfriend you feel you want to spend the rest of you life with you can still put your heads together and discuss the logistics. It's not that black and white.
    - As for the drugs... I will spare you the sermon and only say that there are more constructive things to do to your brain/body when you feel depressed. Drugs probably won't help exactly with your problem.
    - Growing up means that you carry more responsibility but it also means more freedom. If you wanted to, you could pack a backpack today and hike to Fireland. It is your choice not to. If you are more into stability than adventure: you can safe up and buy/build a house of your own one day. How cool is that? You don't need anybody's permission or signature to do all these things while as a kid your parents probably had the last say over many things.
    - As for "why talk to her if I don't want to marry her"...so far I have only heard that kind of thinking from a few NTJs. This implies that the ultimate purpose of a relationship is marriage and that a relationship is to be considered a failure if it ends before the two of you get married or even after that if you seperate before one of you dies. That is a 19th century perspective on things and a very limited view of what human interaction has to offer. There is nothing wrong with enjoying the company and affection of a person you love while it lasts without either of you knowing yet where this is heading (or even when both of you know it will only be temporary). Have you ever been abroad as an exchange student? People hook up with each other for a semester or two. Both know it and yet enjoy it never the less.

    Your objective life situation doesn't sound too bad from what you are writing. However, if you don't want to get up in the morning on a regular basis for a longer period pf time and feel that life as a whole - or your current life situation - is pointless, dark and without any motivation to carry on than yes, you might actually suffer from real depression. That is nothing unusual at this stage in your life and there are several solutions available to deal with this.
    The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge. Neither love without knowledge, nor knowledge without love can produce a good life. - Bertrand Russell
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  7. #7
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Red Herring View Post
    A few random points:

    - not knowing where your career will take you is normal at that stage. But you are about to graduate and therefor already have an advantage over a lot of other people who have no degree at all. Nobody forces you to stick to the career you are currently aiming for. You can always start all over again. And in order to advance in any field you have to invest/specialize enough that it seems to close a few other doors but - with a few rare exceptions - it is hardly ever too late. So don't sweat it.
    +1 !!

    Quote Originally Posted by Red Herring View Post
    - re the girl situation: girls = time and money? What is this? The 1950s? I get that meeting people and spending time with them occupies time off your oh so busy schedule but come on - money?
    Money should not matter in college. Makes no sense to me at all. Maybe the girl has money. It's probably a bit different after college though.

    As far as time goes - it's all how you manage it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Red Herring View Post

    - As for "why talk to her if I don't want to marry her"...so far I have only heard that kind of thinking from a few NTJs.
    Well, I used to think about things that way to a degree. If there was no long term interest, I would be friends with the person but had no desire for a relationship. Maybe it's an NTJ thing.

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  8. #8
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    To be honest if I think about it if I had the job of my dreams, girl of my dreams, life on track, not a worry in the world I probably would be depressed, I'd be bored anyway and that boredom would make me depressed.

    A life devoid of challenges? Who wants that? Nothing to strive for? I wouldnt want that.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Red Herring View Post
    - re the girl situation: girls = time and money? What is this? The 1950s? When you have a girlfriend you feel you want to spend the rest of you life with you can still put your heads together and discuss the logistics. It's not that black and white.
    I guess I don't feel good when someone I care about asks me for something and I can't give it to them because I'm poor. And I'm a poor college student. It's stressful lol..(The day I pay $150 for insurance, monthly, for something I don't even need...)
    - As for the drugs... I will spare you the sermon and only say that there are more constructive things to do to your brain/body when you feel depressed. Drugs probably won't help exactly with your problem.
    If I actually have depression...then drugs will help, right?lol
    Drugs should be permabanned in life imo.
    - As for "why talk to her if I don't want to marry her"
    My problem is more this..I separate girls in to "potentials" and "not potentials". In other words, I know which types of girls I'd want to end up with..(I mean, I don't know for sure, but I can speculate...it's kinda what I do.). I run away from the "potentials" like the plague. The whole "lovey dovey" thing is just so not on my schedule that I can't even begin to fathom how it would develop. I'm still young, and poor, and by no means in any way "settled"..so to me these types of girls would just be a huge distraction. That's not to say I don't befriend them..I just know that they are girls that I'll value down the line..and as such..keeping in contact with them (made a whole lot easier by social media) is enough to "have a stake" if you will, without getting into the whole "relationship abyss". I'm actually really good friends with girls I've had a thing for, for a long time. I don't want to ruin it, especially not now...because I couldn't deal with that relationship pressure. (even if she was agreeable to the whole situation..)

    Then there are the "non potentials"...these girls are basically unnaproachable to me...because all I'm trying to do is get into their pants. I suck at lying..so it's pretty apparent imo. I have issues with "having relations" with someone just for the sake of those relations..and not because you genuinely care about the other person. I mean, I can get over it (lol)...but I still have issues with it. Going up to a girl knowing that you've basically reduced her to a piece of meat you want to masturbate into is extremely intimidating..(someone needs to shoot me...I swear..but I'm just being honest..)

    Keep in mind this isn't something I do on purpose (not that it isn't done by accident either), it's more of a pattern of behavior I've noticed in myself. (And one I guess I should break..)

    So that's my issue with girls...

    Then there is the issue of me not really expecting to be "relationship material" until I resolve these issues (which probably seem extremely psychologically unhealthy (what else is new?))...but I'm in no real hurry. I have at least five solid years of being "not relationship material"..by then I'll have some sort of stability in my life...enough to start looking into the whole family thing.
    Your objective life situation doesn't sound too bad from what you are writing.
    Hah..I know..I have problems..(kinda, not really) but I don't even feel justified in bitching about them because my life could be a whole lot worse.

  10. #10
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    i'm here at this place with you and have expressed something similar, about who wouldn't be somewhat depressed? the economy is shit and early 20s are a hard place. we have no money, no career experience, and fledgling relationships.

    i think you might want to seriously consider avoiding the non potentials though. that's probably not making you happy... i never thought i was relationship material either and i didn't think i had time for a relationship until this guy hunted me down and pestered me until i agreed to go out with him. we're still together and it's been over half a year... i don't know if we'll get married and live happily ever someday but he definitely improves my quality of life a lot. i think the potentials could do the same for you. and you don't need money! my favorite things to do are cuddle and explore and neither of those require cash.

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