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  1. #11
    Member Lexus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FunnyDigestion View Post
    Wow that was a story-- my parents have a similar dynamic, almost totally opposite personalities but so alike in so many ways.

    My mom's an ESFJ 2-- she's almost a textbook example of both. My dad's more confusing, but I think INTJ, probably 5 on the enneagram. They're the worst combination of personalities but have just enough deep similarities to make a sensible relationship. It's mainly in how regular they both are. They're both slaves to routine, they like to do the same things every day, they both tend not to like change or things that are different. I can't remember ever seeing them as people who loved each other, it was always like a business relationship. That was one thing I identified with a lot in the INFP descriptions, how you feel from a different planet as a kid because you don't see any reflection of your feelings in your parents.

    But it's just frustrating now-- all my 3 siblings are out of the home now so they have no justification for staying together. They both come from the old-southern society mindset where a divorce is some kind of failure. It's crazy to me that two people could stay married & not sleep in the same bed for, i don't know, 12, 13 years, maybe longer. & I'm certain neither of them has had an affair so that means neither of them has had sex in that long. That shit is crazy to me... I've always wondered where I came from sex-drive-wise since mine's always been high while neither of them seem to care much about it.

    But more than anything it's just depressing, i read accounts of couples who are in their 60s & 70s or even 80s who are still in love, who still have physical affection & get a sense of meaning from each other's company. It's so pitiful to watch two people miss out on life because they're just too stubborn to change.
    It's the same trash here, I mean my youngest brother just turned 18 so all legality over with, they need to part. But, they don't. Ones plotting other crap, one's in denial. And it's the same mentality; "failure" if they divorce, mostly religious and mostly just because of their culture prior to this era. And it's also the same sexually with me; I wondered that when I was younger. There's no sexuality in the house, I mean nobody hugs, validates, affirms, loves, or shows much emotion...by comparison I'm a sex fiend and they're a rock. Wonder how that happens in the end.

    It is depressing, all the moments seem wasted when it could be resolved but, all it takes is one unwilling moron and it's all in vain. Stupid.

    xNTJ (other type; INTP 88%)
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  2. #12
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lexus View Post
    @FunnyDigestion - same situation here, and it's "for the kid's sake"...what does that even mean anymore.

    My father is an ENTJ and my mother an ISFJ. Before I was born there was chaos and dysfunction, to the extent my father carried a firearm to "get a point across" to my mother that he knew she was cheating on him. They both came from warped backgrounds in one way or another. My mother just wasn't there growing up, then she'd resurrface and establish some rule, some order, and we're all going, "thanks mom", because my father would heed her order to please her, at our expense. then she'd disappear in depression or something and all the order collapsed and we ran around like chickens with our heads cut off. For instance, we could stay up late with our father, eat from the kitchen late, watch movies, regulate ourselves, be independent to the unhealthy extreme. She shows up, and kitchen closes at 8PM, bedtime is 9:30PM, etc.

    My dad gets neurotic and starts bleaching counter tops to clean because he's anxious about something else going on, so you wake thinking some attack has occurred involving a bleach bomb because you can't open your eyes or breathe.

    Him and my mother, super religious, my dad more legalistically and my mother spiritually. I grew up with panic attacks of demons, end times, etc because everything was in extremes. They always, and still do, believe "the end is near", and for me, an S, who couldn't give a rat's anus about the future in regards to "the end", being fed that crap, lost my friggin' marbles. He hoards tanks of water and food for "the end". She reads between the lines too much, sees meaning in things that she should just take for what it is.

    Next thing you know we have 8 cats in one house. No she doesn't hoard, they're well maintained, happy, etc. but the police were going to trap and wrap 'em, for good and she had an emotional bond to them stronger than a mother and her infant, so here we are, 8 cats. One day, I had to close up the house before bed and forgot one little window that was open for the summer upstairs. A couch was blocking it, never saw it, didn't think of it. Next morning I hear the cussing, the slamming, the freaking out like a lord of the flies nursery - one cat clawed through the screen and three cats ran away. I felt inside, they'd come back if they wanted, if not, they were wild enough anyways and would make it. she blamed me for plotting this, for hating her, that she's unloved, and I was punished. I informed her that if I wanted to let them escape, I would have just left the window without a screen open on the lower level - no jumping, no working, gone. More time in the hole for me. The emotional explosiveness of my mother and the logical commanding of my father were in extremes and each child has ended with some OCD.

    I'm not saying it's a nightmare, I had and have good times, but some weird, weird memories. They don't share the same bedroom, haven't since my brother was conceived and loathe each other; he makes death threats and she ignores him, both pulling the trigger on each others weakness'. I have the booze stashed away for when they separate. It's like passing a kidney stone.

    As parents, it's a mix of rejection and not being there but expecting their children to have it figured out. The constant, "I had to eat glass to get where I am today!" bullshit, but no effort to show anyone anything. Then they evaluate your life and reject it, as if they were influencing it for the better? No. My father makes large figures for his income, meanwhile my mother works in retail. They tell me I need to go to school. I cannot work full time and go to school. It's priorities. I have to pay for my leased car. The government says until I'm 24, my dad should pay because he makes large figures; but my father is old world, and disbelieves in supporting me for my education. Because of his figures and military history, I was bumped off his healthcare at 21 also. they nag me until I'm drinking to sleep at night to get healthcare, go to school, be with so and so, get a real job. But they aren't realists. They can make long term plans, but they suck. I don't blame them for anything, but they don't think practically and are living in such disorder, dysfunction and darkness for them to lecture anyone on how it should be, is defunct. And like a broken record at this rate. My father also "complains" about my medical bills in the past when they subjected me to medical evaluation over and over and over, being a minor with little to no say, pills this pills that. When I was 18 I quit it all, so they say it is a waste and I lied. My brother has a pneumothorax, collapsed lung. He walks around for 12 hours complaining of pain, as it progress'. He's never anxious, started displaying extreme anxiety. i returned from work, my father arrives and comes inside leaving my brother in the car. I go to my brother and saw he was pale and weak, he told me he had to move slowly to get in. I asked my father why he hadn't taken him to urgent care, his medical coverage is elite and it's up the street so we don't have to go through this; his response was he didn't know, assumed my brother needed attention. It resulted in my brother collapsing and soiling himself that 911 was called, even then my father resisted it, wanting to "drive him to the ER"..and..wait? He's detached. Wants no obligations and it's been this way all the time. My brother apparently had bleeding in the lung, his entire chest cavity had filled with blood and he lost 55% of his blood, he was on the brink of death because time was wasted at home, because he needed attention. So you'd think that incident would have taught my father; now he yells at my brother and tells us we can't get food because of my brothers hospital bill. We grow up ashamed of having medical needs, or any need for that matter.

    I want to know where his money is going. Because there's nothing showing up here.
    You had a really neglectful and abusive childhood. I hope you can escape that and deal with it all. If you really want to go to school, there are ways of proving that you are "independent." We had a similar situation with a family member who wouldn't support his child's education, and he was able to go through the school's process of proving independence at an earlier age. In his case, he was married and had supported himself for more than 2 years. I'm not sure what other conditions would qualify.

  3. #13
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I dunno.
    I dunno - I'd like to take you in hand and make you a better person, but you are too much of a handful.

  4. #14
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    last night my dad was watching a dvd when everyone else was trying to sleep, he had it so loud you could hear it through out the house, keep in mind the house is 3 floors and my mom told him to turn it down, and he was like FINE I'LL JUST TURN IT OFF!" like an overdramatic teenager, he acts like an overdramatic teenage a lot
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  5. #15
    Member Lexus's Avatar
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    The all of nothing tactic, ultimatum. Just tell him to make sure the knot's tight enough on his noose he's going to hang himself with while he's at it. Wouldn't want him to be disappointed.

    xNTJ (other type; INTP 88%)
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  6. #16
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    My parents have a living arrangement and attitude of roommates who can just barely tolerate one another. Nobody can stand to be around them when they're together, including their kids.


  7. #17
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    My mom is extremely naive/gullible and has trouble recognizing a joke and usually has to be told that something shouldn't be taken seriously.

    My dad is a caricature of himself -- rather a blowhard, and unable to critique and improve his own behavior.

    I only tend to see my dad as ridiculous, though, since my mom tries to improve herself and has good intentions.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  8. #18
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    My mom is ridiculous because she likes to spend money (we went out for a lovely meal this week, just me, mom, sis and niece).

    My step father is ridiculous because he brought Just Dance 3 for the 360 then proceeded to try and kick my ass (bearing in mind we are 32 and 52 years old). The breathlessness and sweat was worth it seeing him defeated. We are not that competitive really, lol.

    My father is ridiculous because, nope, i have nothing.

    I love my family
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  9. #19
    morose bourgeoisie
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    My father is dead and my mother is nuts. the rest of my immediate fam all have some kind of personality disorder. I'd say it makes for a fun Xmas, but they don't happen anymore.

  10. #20
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    everyone's parents are ridiculous to a degree, how are yours ridiculous? My dad insists everything should stay the same and never change, only wants to eat some form of beef and mashed potatoes and gravy if something doesn't cost the same as when he was in his 20s it's too much money (keep mind my dad's 64)
    my mom complains about being totally worn out and how she can't do anything than goes and reorganizes the whole upstairs of the house, including moving boxes full of stuff and furniture
    This is all good, especially the part I highlighted, how is this not the best?

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