User Tag List

View Poll Results: INTJs and desirability

Voters
22. You may not vote on this poll
  • Desirable to me (based solely on being an INTJ)

    9 40.91%
  • Desirable to others (based solely on being an INTJ)

    3 13.64%
  • Personality type doesn't matter, it's how they behave

    16 72.73%
  • Desirable to no one

    0 0%
  • Etc

    6 27.27%
Multiple Choice Poll.
123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 31

  1. #1
    You're fired. Lol. Antimony's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    ESTP
    Enneagram
    8w7 sx/sp
    Socionics
    ????
    Posts
    3,437

    Wink Are INTJs Desirable?

    A friend and I are having a point of contention on whether INTJs are desirable or not. He believes girls don't like him/won't do physical stuff with him/don't drop all over the place for him because he is an INTJ.

    He starts by saying: because I am an INTJ, I haven't even gotten a girl to touch me.

    Frankly, I think that type has little to do with likability in many cases. For example, if you are an asshole, that will repel many people, regardless of your type. If you are smart, sweet, engaging, etc, you are more apt to be likable.

    I would like to mention he is *extremely* introverted and is often terrified to even approach girls, and cares much about what they think. He is continuously trying to improve his odds, and in some ways limiting himself. Which I believe those factors contribute to his predicament.
    Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

    Always reserve the right to become smarter at a future point in time, for only a fool limits themselves to all they knew in the past. -Alex

  2. #2
    Anew Leaf
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Antimony View Post
    A friend and I are having a point of contention on whether INTJs are desirable or not. He believes girls don't like him/won't do physical stuff with him/don't drop all over the place for him because he is an INTJ.

    He starts by saying: because I am an INTJ, I haven't even gotten a girl to touch me.

    Frankly, I think that type has little to do with likability in many cases. For example, if you are an asshole, that will repel many people, regardless of your type. If you are smart, sweet, engaging, etc, you are more apt to be likable.

    I would like to mention he is *extremely* introverted and is often terrified to even approach girls, and cares much about what they think. He is continuously trying to improve his odds, and in some ways limiting himself. Which I believe those factors contribute to his predicament.
    I have an INTJ friend who said the exact same things. He listed off all the reasons as to why he isn't attractive to women and all of the instances where he thought they were making fun of him. I think he's cute, incredibly smart, but just a bit awkward. He went off to graduate school this fall to start working on his doctoral program. The day before he left, he sent me a giant email explaining why the next 10 years of his life were going to suck and it's all because he is an INTJ and no one will like him. (Despite the fact that as part of his initiation process they did the MBTI test and out of their 100 candidates, 65 of them are INTJ. ) Anyways, a few short weeks into his program I left him a note on his FB wall and discovered that he had added nearly 100 new people to his contacts list, and his wall was filled to the brim with notes from his classmates saying hi and inviting him to another party/movie/event/etc. At Christmas he sent me a short note saying that he had met someone and he considered her his girlfriend.

    Anyways, the point of my ramble is that with INTJs, I think that they are a type that is like a fine wine... they need to age a bit and when they do, they do it well.

    You are right in that type has little to do with likability in many cases, however, there are certainly some types who will have an easier time charming others. ESFJ's are very sweet and personable when you first meet them. I think INTJs are very sweet and personable in their own way, but it usually takes a few weeks to get them to warm up.

    I am guessing that your friend is still in school. Let him know that it will get easier even if evidence doesn't point there yet.

  3. #3
    Per Ardua Metamorphosis's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    3,466

    Default

    I think that INTJs, particularly younger or more immature ones, often use their type as an excuse not to change improper/inadequate behavior/performance as if it were some kind of impossible task just because of a sentence in someone's INTJ description. It's easier to just say it's your type and give a "woe is me" speech than put forth the effort to change, whether it's a conscious decision or not.
    "You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit."

    Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office
    than to serve and obey them. - David Hume

  4. #4
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Posts
    17,579

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Antimony View Post
    Frankly, I think that type has little to do with likability in many cases. For example, if you are an asshole, that will repel many people, regardless of your type. If you are smart, sweet, engaging, etc, you are more apt to be likable.
    But some types are more likely to be sweet and engaging, while others are more likely to strike others as assholes, however smart. Likability is not unrelated to type, but type does not dictate which relationships will flourish, or condemn anyone to involuntary solitude. It is more a pointer to what qualities a person will be liked for, and what qualities they may wish to adjust.

    Quote Originally Posted by Metamorphosis View Post
    I think that INTJs, particularly younger or more immature ones, often use their type as an excuse not to change improper/inadequate behavior/performance as if it were some kind of impossible task just because of a sentence in someone's INTJ description. It's easier to just say it's your type and give a "woe is me" speech than put forth the effort to change, whether it's a conscious decision or not.
    There is a happy medium between changing behavior to be more broadly liked, and using type as an excuse to do nothing. It is understanding that it will take an unusual person to like you, and having the patience and openness to wait for that person. It is being willing to give up some things in order to remain true to oneself, while changing in response to one's own desires for self improvement. In a way, choosing quality over quantity.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  5. #5
    Superwoman Red Herring's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sp/sx
    Posts
    5,647

    Default

    I'm with @Saturned.

    The first real life INTJ I met after learning about MBTI (physicist and scientific computer programmer) was clearly above average looking (also did a lot of sports) and had a decent social life because he had learned to put on a smile and find likeminded nerds. He was not only Mensa smart but also funny and relatively sociable ... the guy had to shake the ladies off like flies!!! He is currently in a relationship. (age: late twenties)

    Then there is another INTJ I know, an engineer - married for the second time. A nice fellow, highly intelligent and uber-nerdy, only moderatly sociable when he isn't busy trying to convert you to objectivism. He seems to be doing perfectly fine. (age: early 40s)

    Oh, and let's not forget the lucky antisocial young INTJ doctor who married an ENFP friend of mine. Don't ask me how he did it though. (age late twenties/30)

    Aaand then there is my little eNTJ brother. At age 26 he still hasn't had a girlfriend (and he does want one, also had several crushes). A great guy but much, much more interested in things than in people. So much so that it has become a problem for him. He has a bunch of friends, including many female ones but is a bit handicapped when it comes to women (and social interaction in general - a little Fe would go a long way here! ). But I have not given up hope for him yet.


    In many regards, INTJs are ultra male and that can be sexy to many women (especially very female ones if you follow the theory that people feel attracted to those who are as expressive in their gender as they are). There is a price you pay for that (did I already mention the almost endearing lack of social skills?). As they age, they learn to play their cards right and how to interact with the people that interest them. A well balanced mature INTJ is a mighty fine thing. That might make them late bloomers but it does not have to stop them from finding a partner if they want one.
    The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge. Neither love without knowledge, nor knowledge without love can produce a good life. - Bertrand Russell
    A herring's blog
    Johari / Nohari

  6. #6
    Per Ardua Metamorphosis's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    3,466

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    There is a happy medium between changing behavior to be more broadly liked, and using type as an excuse to do nothing. It is understanding that it will take an unusual person to like you, and having the patience and openness to wait for that person. It is being willing to give up some things in order to remain true to oneself, while changing in response to one's own desires for self improvement. In a way, choosing quality over quantity.
    I partially disagree. It doesn't take an unusual person to like us. You could say that it takes someone extraordinary to really understand us, but I would venture a guess that that is how most people feel. There are a ton of INTJs out there and there are a ton of people that they can end up with. Also, there are INTJs that have devoted a significant portion of there energy to becoming good socially and they are very successful with women. INTJs have a lot of traits that are traditionally considered attractive and they are perfectly capable of getting quantity as well as quality.
    "You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit."

    Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office
    than to serve and obey them. - David Hume

  7. #7
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    MBTI
    ISFJ
    Enneagram
    9w1 sx/sp
    Posts
    2,663

    Default

    Sure!

    I consider an INTJ female friend of mine to be quite desirable. We got along OK, she was a tad rough around the edges but I found that oddly charming. We connected a bit, but only a bit. She didn't seem particularly interested in me. She's engaged now, has two kids. I wish her the very best
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

  8. #8
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    8w9
    Posts
    9,741

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Antimony View Post
    A friend and I are having a point of contention on whether INTJs are desirable or not. He believes girls don't like him/won't do physical stuff with him/don't drop all over the place for him because he is an INTJ.

    He starts by saying: because I am an INTJ, I haven't even gotten a girl to touch me.

    Frankly, I think that type has little to do with likability in many cases. For example, if you are an asshole, that will repel many people, regardless of your type. If you are smart, sweet, engaging, etc, you are more apt to be likable.

    I would like to mention he is *extremely* introverted and is often terrified to even approach girls, and cares much about what they think. He is continuously trying to improve his odds, and in some ways limiting himself. Which I believe those factors contribute to his predicament.
    No. But I'm sure he is young also. It always struck me as odd; INTJ's can and do learn and carry out amazing things, requiring vast intelligence and skill. I don't know why some see relationships with people as any different. The attitude is a complete cop out because, if you honestly show you aren't a creepy dickhead and show genuine interest in people (and verbalize it - which seems to be alot of the problem) you'll succeed much more than fail.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  9. #9
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Enneagram
    9w8 so/sx
    Posts
    11,544

    Default

    ENFPs are batty for them. Get's one of them and he won't have to worry about 'getting to touch her' she'll jump him!

  10. #10
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    iSFj
    Enneagram
    2 sx/so
    Posts
    9,666

    Default

    Yes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Metamorphosis View Post
    I partially disagree. It doesn't take an unusual person to like us. You could say that it takes someone extraordinary to really understand us, but I would venture a guess that that is how most people feel. There are a ton of INTJs out there and there are a ton of people that they can end up with. Also, there are INTJs that have devoted a significant portion of there energy to becoming good socially and they are very successful with women. INTJs have a lot of traits that are traditionally considered attractive and they are perfectly capable of getting quantity as well as quality.
    Well said!

Similar Threads

  1. [INTJ] are INTJs attracted to INFPs?
    By nonchalant in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 29
    Last Post: 09-07-2016, 05:40 AM
  2. [INTJ] Why are INTJs so enigmatic?
    By nonchalant in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 71
    Last Post: 10-25-2015, 01:21 PM
  3. [INTJ] You know you are INTJ when...
    By callmemigs in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 226
    Last Post: 02-26-2013, 01:49 PM
  4. [INTJ] Are INTJ naturally born strategist?
    By Illmatic in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 06-24-2011, 11:14 AM
  5. [INTJ] are INTJ perfectionists?
    By niki in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 30
    Last Post: 09-29-2007, 09:26 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO