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  1. #11
    Furry Critter with Claws Kiddo's Avatar
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    See, I told you I was naive. :steam:

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I think you can't choose who you are attracted to (though maybe you can tweak it), but you can and do choose who you fall in love with.
    So you can choose who you fall in love with? Do you mean in the sense that you can control who you don't fall in love with? I thought falling in love was supposed to be one of those things that couldn't occur if you think too much about it

    Some things are easier to work through than others. Poor character is virtually impossible to work with in any type from what I have seen. You want to look for someone of good character by your standards. Every relationship needs to be nurtured, but it doesn't really have to seem much like work. That part surprised me.
    Interesting. How does one know exactly what their standards for character are?
    Quote Originally Posted by Silently Honest View Post
    OMNi: Wisdom at the cost of Sanity.

  2. #12
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    I don't think it's that common to change your mind about someone because of their type, but it's certainly possible to be continually repelled by a certain type. It's not like you're saying, Oh, he's a ____? Time to look elsewhere! It's more like, I can't stand him! Oh he's a ____? Well no wonder!

    Just like people don't really become won over with you just because you're a certain type.. Maybe some people do, but type is more of an afterthought... an explanation, not a cause.

  3. #13
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kiddo View Post
    So you can choose who you fall in love with? Do you mean in the sense that you can control who you don't fall in love with? I thought falling in love was supposed to be one of those things that couldn't occur if you think too much about it
    You said it better. I think there are some people that you have the potential to fall in love with. You can choose whether or not you do. I think there are some people that, no matter how much you might want to, you won't be able to fall in love with them, most often because of a lack of attraction, which is kinda out of your control.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kiddo View Post
    Interesting. How does one know exactly what their standards for character are?
    If you were to describe a good person, someone that you respect and admire what things might you mention?

    Honest? Kind? Responsible? That's the kind of thing I mean.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  4. #14
    Mamma said knock you out Mempy's Avatar
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    Every relationship needs to be nurtured, but it doesn't really have to seem much like work. That part surprised me.
    This is exactly what I was thinking. I was going to respond to the work comments with something like, "Really? Maybe I'm the naive one, because I don't think relationships and friendships are that much work." My best friend's cat got lost recently. Being there for her during this time is probably the most work I've ever done in our friendship, and that's saying something because even this is hardly 'work.'

    To me, friendships and relationships should be enjoyed, and they don't necessarily take work to enjoy them. Sometimes, yeah, but most of the time? Nah. I very rarely put "work" into my relationships. Just the normal amount of oil needed to grease the cogs, and that amount is almost unnoticeable.
    They're running just like you
    For you, and I, wooo
    So people, people, need some good ol' love

  5. #15
    Furry Critter with Claws Kiddo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    You said it better. I think there are some people that you have the potential to fall in love with. You can choose whether or not you do. I think there are some people that, no matter how much you might want to, you won't be able to fall in love with them, most often because of a lack of attraction, which is kinda out of your control.
    Ok, I understand.

    If you were to describe a good person, someone that you respect and admire what things might you mention?

    Honest? Kind? Responsible? That's the kind of thing I mean.
    I've never really thought about what I feel makes a good person. That actually might be a good topic for a thread.
    Quote Originally Posted by Silently Honest View Post
    OMNi: Wisdom at the cost of Sanity.

  6. #16
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mempy View Post
    This is exactly what I was thinking. I was going to respond to the work comments with something like, "Really? Maybe I'm the naive one, because I don't think relationships and friendships are that much work." My best friend's cat got lost recently. Being there for her during this time is probably the most work I've ever done in our friendship, and that's saying something because even this is hardly 'work.'

    To me, friendships and relationships should be enjoyed, and they don't necessarily take work to enjoy them. Sometimes, yeah, but most of the time? Nah. I very rarely put "work" into my relationships. Just the normal amount of oil needed to grease the cogs, and that amount is almost unnoticeable.
    I mean obviously if the relationship is becoming more work then joy maybe you should end it. I think what I mean is you shouldn't expect to agree with anyone all the time, or expect them to be exactly like you.

    I really don't know what I'm talking about.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  7. #17
    heart on fire
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    I had several bad relationships and I made a conscious choice to pick someone more like me. I made a check list of unintolerable characteristics that I was not going to accept again because I had enough of dealing with them. Why not try to avoid the problems of the past? Why not learn from life?

    Anyone who doesn't expect a relationship to be some work, should not get married. Marriage involves compromise. Picking someone more like one's self will make this a lot easier, but there are still areas that require some concentration and compromise always. It is different from friendships because of the intimacy of the relationship.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dana View Post
    I don't think it's that common to change your mind about someone because of their type, but it's certainly possible to be continually repelled by a certain type. It's not like you're saying, Oh, he's a ____? Time to look elsewhere! It's more like, I can't stand him! Oh he's a ____? Well no wonder!

    Just like people don't really become won over with you just because you're a certain type.. Maybe some people do, but type is more of an afterthought... an explanation, not a cause.
    Yes, Dana puts it well here.

  8. #18
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    I agree about not ruling people out just because they rate differently from what the MBTI prescribes for mating purposes. Opinion about matches vary widely. I will say that I personally feel there are types who should NOT pair because I've seen many such pairs and their toxic dynamic. That's just ME though, not something I wish to imprint on others.

    I've been attracted to certain types pretty much from the get-go, and it HAPPENED that they were aligned with the MBTI's opinion. MBTI tells me that no good can come of an ENFJ dating an ENTP and that's a steaming load of buffalo bagels. Same goes for my sister, an ENFP dating an ENTJ. She really digs ENTJs and they dig her too, so whatever, right? She likes INFJs as well, and they're "prescribed" by the MBTI.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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  9. #19
    Enigma Nadir's Avatar
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    Someone wise once told me that there is much focus on differences and not enough focus on similarities, and I think the idea of sixteen types needlessly pushes towards the former. I agree with the OP's sentiment. And --
    Quote Originally Posted by Dana
    I don't think it's that common to change your mind about someone because of their type, but it's certainly possible to be continually repelled by a certain type. It's not like you're saying, Oh, he's a ____? Time to look elsewhere! It's more like, I can't stand him! Oh he's a ____? Well no wonder!

    Just like people don't really become won over with you just because you're a certain type.. Maybe some people do, but type is more of an afterthought... an explanation, not a cause.
    But this opens the doors to presupposition when you do this before the relationship (as the OP talks about, with belonging together and such). Imagine a situation where you learn your prospective partner's type while you're getting to know each other, and the type is one you so far thought you were "continually repelled by". What's your internal reaction? And how will that reaction effect your future relationship with this person? "I wouldn't be dating that type at all." doesn't count.

    At any rate, now you're possibly left with 1) possibly negative presuppositions about a perfectly suitable person's type, or rather, about the person himself because of his type or 2) doubt regarding the sixteen types' validity (which isn't really much to begin with, I think) or 3) doubt regarding the person's self-assessment (which is sort of the extreme negative case, IMO, as one would be considering type higher than the individual for that to happen)

    Why bother with type at all?
    Not really.

  10. #20
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nadir View Post
    Why bother with type at all?
    For me, without realizing what I was doing, I let Te come in and have a larger voice in the selection process by making my checklist of what I was looking for and what I would not accept before I let feeling start creating romantic feelings. I was tired of my tendancy to romaticize people who ended up being toxic to me in the end. I can see now that being able to type people would also be useful in this. I personally see nothing wrong with learning about cognitive functions and admitting to one's self a certain attraction to some functions over others. It is just another piece of information about a person.

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