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View Poll Results: Would you rather be pitied or hated?

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  • Pitied

    11 26.83%
  • Hated

    30 73.17%
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  1. #41
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    ...Wow, I don't know why the "pity" definition is so hard for me to wrap my head around. Everyone else seems to have come to a consensus about it. I'll bet it's type-related!
    The only reason why there seems to be a consensus is because people here are projecting their own subjective definitions onto the two concepts. It does not mean the same thing to everyone.

  2. #42
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    Hmmm.. my answer would be that if i was a point on a spectrum of power, i would prefer everyone above me on the power spectrum to pity me, and everyone lower on the power spectrum to hate me. yes, that would be ideal.

  3. #43
    Senior Member Lightyear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    when I pity people, I pity them for their situation, and I don't pity them because of who they are as people. Meaning: I figure that behind the influence of the situation is a valid human being, with needs that aren't being met, that should be met.
    THAT'S why I would rather be pitied, if I am in a genuinely bad place pity might encourage people to help me while hatred just seems destructive and pointless. It seems to me that people who don't want to be pitied are just too proud to acknowledge that they have moments where they are weak and need outside help. I am wondering if that also has to do with many people on here being American and living in a country where you are supposed to be your own (wo)man, who succeeds because of her own ambition and perseverance.

  4. #44
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    i'd rather be tickled and then taken to an interesting art exhibit. please modify poll.

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  6. #46
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    I'd rather be pitied. Pity is a self contained emotion, hate is not. Hate involves consequences and puts you on the defense, or offence, never neutral. Pity is a flaw on the perceived part, and it rarely becomes a self fulfilling prophesy (at least for me).

    If someone pities me, I can prove them wrong. If someone hates me, I can do nothing to advance, and must discard.

    I tend to pity those I hate. Usually because I see and can understand a flaw.

  7. #47
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    THAT'S why I would rather be pitied, if I am in a genuinely bad place pity might encourage people to help me while hatred just seems destructive and pointless. It seems to me that people who don't want to be pitied are just too proud to acknowledge that they have moments where they are weak and need outside help. I am wondering if that also has to do with many people on here being American and living in a country where you are supposed to be your own (wo)man, who succeeds because of her own ambition and perseverance.
    +1. I think this is a big part of it.

    Also that people are using a narrow definition of pity that involves sitting back, doing nothing, not listening to you, and treating you like a child.

    Also I find people's associations of pity with hate (i.e. feeling hate and pity simultaneously or for the same reasons) interesting because I only pity people that I sympathize with, and I have a hard time hating people that I sympathize with. Usually I hate people because they don't make sense to me.
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  8. #48
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    +1. I think this is a big part of it.

    Also that people are using a narrow definition of pity that involves sitting back, doing nothing, not listening to you, and treating you like a child.

    Also I find people's associations of pity with hate (i.e. feeling hate and pity simultaneously or for the same reasons) interesting because I only pity people that I sympathize with, and I have a hard time hating people that I sympathize with. Usually I hate people because they don't make sense to me.
    I actually associate wanting to be pitied with making one self more important than one subjectively deserves. I dont want to make myself important and I hate people who do.

    So I think both sides have a bad side
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  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    ^ I dunno. I do see where you're coming from, but -- and maybe this is because I'm an ESTJ -- when I pity people, I pity them for their situation, and I don't pity them because of who they are as people. Meaning: I figure that behind the influence of the situation is a valid human being, with needs that aren't being met, that should be met.

    For example: I would fix the kid's toy and not just feel sad for him because he's a 5-year-old and crying. He may be crying because he's 5, but it sucks for your toy to break regardless of how old you are. If you come to me with a broken computer (another type of toy) and a whole lot of data on it, my first response may be "Holy crap that sucks" (=pity), but my second response will be "Let's see if there's any way to get that data back".
    Huh. I like your reasoning, and I think you hit upon something here.

    I'd been defining pity pretty much as "coddling the person but not really listening to them"; you're defining pity (and its results) as "coddling/empathizing with the person, then actually helping them." My definition stems from the negative connotations of words like "pitiful."

    Our friend Wikipedia seems to corroborate my understanding, but I'd pull a complete 180 on my assessment of hate versus pity if my definition of pity were wrong.


    I'll say this: I'd rather my ideas have some negative impact, because that means that they'll be thought about and might be seen as positive much later on. Y'know, shakin' up the bees nest a bit. The whole "Galileo" thing. I wouldn't want my ideas to be cast aside forever simply because people think they come from a less mature, 'pitiful' place.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    It seems to me that people who don't want to be pitied are just too proud to acknowledge that they have moments where they are weak and need outside help. I am wondering if that also has to do with many people on here being American and living in a country where you are supposed to be your own (wo)man, who succeeds because of her own ambition and perseverance.
    I'd agree with this, except for the fact that (hyperbole ahead) like 99% of my posts in the past two weeks have been all about the merit of people admitting that they are weak and that they don't know everything, but I'd still rather be hated than pitied. Granted, I'm just one data point of many, and I can see your line of reasoning..

  10. #50
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    Neither.

    If someone hates me for being who I am, it only encourages me to be myself a little bit more. They can also take their pity and eat it.

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