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  1. #51
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pettycure View Post
    You see, this is why you have no female friends.
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  2. #52
    ^He pronks, too! Magic Poriferan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    You know, I hadn't considered this. On one occasion my ISFP friend called my attempts to get her to come out "belligerent." Well, she did end up coming out with the rest of us, but it didn't seem like she had a very good time. Well, she never seemed like she was having a good time. Perhaps it was because of something like you describe (though it still leaves unanswered the question of why she says she wants to do these things but refuses or doesn't actually like it when it happens.) Maybe she just didn't like me in general.
    You can't force yourself to like something. It happens because of a bad combination of hastiness and then commitment. I'm just not thinking about it very closely when I say yes, and then it seems too late. Even if I do think about it, a persistent person can grind me down.
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  3. #53
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    You know, I hadn't considered this. On one occasion my ISFP friend called my attempts to get her to come out "belligerent." Well, she did end up coming out with the rest of us, but it didn't seem like she had a very good time. Well, she never seemed like she was having a good time. Perhaps it was because of something like you describe (though it still leaves unanswered the question of why she says she wants to do these things but refuses or doesn't actually like it when it happens.) Maybe she just didn't like me in general.
    You can always see it that way: there are certain social norms in every culture everyone considers to be "normal". In american and german culture "going out on a free day with friends" prolly is one of that norms. Another norm in my country is "watching soccer with male friends". So if you are someone who doesnt like to go out or doesnt like to watch soccer, you'll automatically feel alien and on the one hand you want to have friends, on the other hand your intrests cant be united with those of your friends.

    Here's a real problem, imo the majority of all people are like lemmings. If you dont believe me, see the Iphone hype or similiar hypes for reference. The Iphone is a technologically less good phone than like say a HTC and most parts in the Iphone are from Samsung or another company, I dont know which one for sure. What I know for sure tho is that apple is a design company and that their major technical expertise isnt the product itself. So who would buy that phone ?

    Considering that, people being lemmings, you'll find this lemming attitude in all those people who have no hobbies. I lost a circle of friends of mine, because I rather spent my evenings working on my electronic projects than hanging out with them in a bar watching soccer. And I dont miss them, cause if they really had been real friends, they'ld have come visit me at my place in the evening and asked me what I was doing and did some electronic projects together with me. And then in the long run we either had fun together doing my projects or I'ld have gone out with them to a bar, cause I had considered it to be fair, since they hung out for so long in my cellar with me.

    Every friendship is about giving and taking. And if there is a preexistant social norm forcing you to do things in a friendship you dont want to, the friendship is no real one. Still the problem remains, cause the individualistic person feels alone with her or his hobbies at some point and want to have friends. Still the friends suck and do only boring or meaningless things. So you are basically torn apart between two feelings of yourself and that can most probably lead to someone making flaky commitments.
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  4. #54
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xenon View Post
    Funny how the flakiest people you know have all been introverts. I've had the opposite experience: the flakiest people I've known have been pretty obvious ExxP types. Perhaps just coincidence?
    I completely agree with this. The most reliable people I know tend to be IxxJs (I know how biased that makes me sound, but it's true.) The ExxPs will blurt out how much they want to spend time with you and how we absolutely must do x on y day - then when you bring it up again closer to y day, they'll be like "oh I'm away that weekend, I thought you knew - sorry about that" or something else thinly disguising the fact that they got a better invite.

    My friend who seems to be either withdrawn ENFP or extroverted INFP unfortunately reveals her snobbishness through this, though that's probably a slightly different area from the topic of this thread (and not particularly type related I don't think). I'll ask her if she wants to do something. She'll say "oh, that might be interesting. Who else is coming?" I tell her about a couple of mutual acquaintances who plan to come to (already knowing what's coming next.) She'll be like "ohhhhhh...I'm not comfortable with those people. I don't think I will come then." (These are people she knows a little, not that well, and seems simply to have decided that they don't fit her profile or that they're going to judge her somehow.) However, she will then make instant friends with certain people - largely either from a certain cultural background, or who are equally fascinated with that cultural background.

    It drives me a bit nuts, actually. She claims to not be able to figure out why certain mutual acquaintances of ours stopped bothering with her, when it was because she always declined their invitations and acted like she was too good for them. Thus leading to her thinking I'm the extrovert/socialite because I actually get along with different types of people, just because I give them the time of day. I actually have stopped trying to include her in 90% of the things I do, because she's always either "too tired" or it's with people she isn't going to want to be around, or equally she isn't really able to take any interest in her friends' interests if it's not something she's fascinated by herself (and outside of one area of the world, she basically doesn't have any interests). So all we ever get together to do is have dinner and we tend to run out of things to talk about. Or we exclusively talk about what she's interested in, because I get discouraged when I bring up my interests and she says "oh, that's interesting!" and then instantly changes the subject back to her stuff.

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  5. #55

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    I don't do that, I'm not shy though, I might be isfp though, though not like this threads isfps.

  6. #56
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfy View Post
    I don't do that, I'm not shy though, I might be isfp though, though not like this threads isfps.
    My friend who I think is ISFP (not sure though) is, I think, a bit shyer than she looks, but doesn't really come across that way.

    She could be called a bit "flaky" as far as not replying to text messages (though she admitted that it drives her nuts when people don't answer hers!!) and that sort of thing. However, I have found her to be fairly reliable as far as scheduling and keeping her appointments - although I think she has double-booked me once or twice, but I certainly know people of other types who have done that...

    I think that xxxP types (as a massive generalisation) and maybe especially ExxPs are a bit more likely to be flaky - in some cases a lot more likely. (Just as IxxJs are more likely to be excessively uptight!). But it's the kind of behaviour that you can work on, in my opinion, regardless of type - so that you don't end up seriously annoying all your friends. I think that if you are very much in the "but keeping social appointments really depends on how I'm feeling" vein, you just shouldn't make definite commitments too much. Either say "I'm not sure if I will be able to come or not - hope it's ok if I just show up last minute", or if it's the kind of occasion which requires a more definite commitment, just say no. Saying "Yes! Of course! I'll be there no matter what!" and then flaking (unless you have a very valid excuse/emergency, of course) is just rude and annoying.

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  7. #57
    Starcrossed Seafarer Aquarelle's Avatar
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    No, not flaky. It has more to do with being able to deal with the social situation at that moment, I think. I have to be in the right mood for certain social engagements, and sometimes I might think it sounds fun when I agree to go, but then on the day that I'm supposed to go, I'm totally not in the mood. But usually it is parties or things... if someone is depending on me, I usually go anyway, even if I don't feel like it.
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  8. #58
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    I can be but it's usually because a situation makes me uncomfortable, like drinking with the homeless.
    This is what i thought might be the introversion-flakiness connection.

    But i think its the deal only when meeting more than one person feels as uncomfortable as drinking with the homeless. So some social anxiety and high level of pussiness(not trying to get past some fears, because its scary) is required and i dont think this is the deal with all introverts. So i dont think there is direct correlation with introversion and flakiness.
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  9. #59

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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    My friend who I think is ISFP (not sure though) is, I think, a bit shyer than she looks, but doesn't really come across that way.

    She could be called a bit "flaky" as far as not replying to text messages (though she admitted that it drives her nuts when people don't answer hers!!) and that sort of thing. However, I have found her to be fairly reliable as far as scheduling and keeping her appointments - although I think she has double-booked me once or twice, but I certainly know people of other types who have done that...
    I think the only really flaky trait I have is I tend to throw a lot of ideas around. But I tend to work through ones that stick. As far as other stuff I am probably no more, no less flaky than the next guy.

  10. #60
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huxley3112 View Post

    THe EP's motivation is different. They never know what is going to be the most exciting thing until that moment. I have flaked for both reasons being ENFP 4w3.
    I have to be totally honest and say that this is what I find rudest of all - waiting for a better invite or deciding what's most exciting at the last minute when others are expecting you.

    Not feeling up to it is one thing - I think I have flaked on occasion because of that (though it would probably be for something like a big party where my presence wouldn't be much missed anyway. Or if it was something like having coffee with a friend, they would be pretty understanding because I don't do it often and even if it's just that I'm not feeling good in my head, I probably have a real reason).

    But I do hope that people who flake because something more exciting came along (unless it really is an incredible, unmissable opportunity) realise that if they do this consistently, the people they call their "friends" and who they keep flaking on are going to end up feeling pretty damn used. It's like, you're not actually interested in me; you're interested in the level of excitement I bring into your life and obviously I'm too boring and depressing for you.

    Not having a go at you, please understand. Just saying that in this context, this is probably the number one most annoying thing for me.
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