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  1. #41
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    what do i think is the reasoning of shy people ?

    did it ever occur to you that those people maybe dont want to do the things with you but said yes in the first place to not offend you ? if you really want to find out what they like you may have to listen a bit more
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  2. #42
    Not Your Therapist Sinmara's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    what do i think is the reasoning of shy people ?

    did it ever occur to you that those people maybe dont want to do the things with you but said yes in the first place to not offend you ? if you really want to find out what they like you may have to listen a bit more
    If that is the case, why complicate things in such a passive-aggressive way? If a person is offended by a well-intentioned "no," they're probably a controlling ass and not someone worth keeping around. I'd much rather be told no than feel like I was jerked around. In your example, I think that's a flaw in the reasoning of the shy person...who's essentially lying and stretching out a problem to happen later instead of now. I wouldn't say this is a listening problem, I'd say this is a communication problem. I'm not psychic and can't and won't interpret a person's words to mean anything other than what they have said. I don't think it's fair of me to do that to them and also, not fair to me that it's expected. A person should be responsible or his- or herself and not push blame for the results of their actions (or lack of action) onto other people, you know?
    Never wrestle with a pig. You will get dirty and the pig will enjoy it.



  3. #43
    ^He pronks, too! Magic Poriferan's Avatar
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    You mentioned something about making plans with someone who has a more forceful personality. How forceful is yours? I have a tendency to say "yeah sure" to whatever anyone throws at me and then only afterwards say "wait a minute, that would be a bad idea". Now the general poorness of the decision conflicts with the fact that I hate going back on my word. This can make me waffle for a while and thus take even longer to getting around and telling the other person I can't go with them (supposing I don't just go anyway against my gut).
    Go to sleep, iguana.


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  4. #44
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    people are people. why do woman go back to men that hit them already twice ? why do we throw away a burger tho elsewhere people starve to death ? why do people do bets tho the odds are against them ? why do people go into war over a god ?

    the world is very complicated and asserting everything with reason will be a fail on the way to understand the world
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  5. #45
    Not Your Therapist Sinmara's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Poriferan View Post
    You mentioned something about making plans with someone who has a more forceful personality. How forceful is yours? I have a tendency to say "yeah sure" to whatever anyone throws at me and then only afterwards say "wait a minute, that would be a bad idea". Now the general poorness of the decision conflicts with the fact that I hate going back on my word. This can make me waffle for a while and thus take even longer to getting around and telling the other person I can't go with them (supposing I don't just go anyway against my gut).
    Hmm. I would like to say I'm not the forceful personality I used in my own example...but I don't think that would be completely accurate. It would be better to say that I don't intend to be forceful, but I can be very direct and cutting-through-the-bullshit in the way I talk to people and I'm told I have a sort of rolling feeling of forward momentum that people could feel understandably intimidated by, especially if they'd have to get in the way of that to inform me that they've changed their minds. Mind you, this is what my shy friends say they love about me -- my best friend says it's like she can just sort of stand under the umbrella of my OMFG EXTROVERSION and feel included in the social goings-on without the anxiety and pressure of having to brave the scene on her own -- but I guess it could be double-edged and causing some of the problems.

    I'll have to compare some notes to see if this might be contributing to the false commitment issue. Thanks, I hadn't thought of this before. See, this is why you guys are awesome. ^_^
    Never wrestle with a pig. You will get dirty and the pig will enjoy it.



  6. #46
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
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    My suggestion ask your flaky friends to try a grounding exercise, the transformation may be surprising.

    A curl grounding.

    Stand with your feet shoulder width apart. Your heels should be slightly turned outwards to help relax the perineum and buttocks. From here on, let gravity do all the work.

    Beginning with your head, SLOWLY let your head and neck begin to curl downwards. Continuing to let gravity do all the work, let your spine continue to curl downwards as you bend downwards.

    If your fingertips can touch the ground without strain to your back, that’s great. If not, don’t fret, for your grounding doesn’t depend on how far down you bend.

    When you finish bending, your head should hang loosely from your neck like an apple suspended on a string. Relax your shoulders and arms so that they hang loosely too.

    Resting in this curled position, now bring all your sensing awareness to your bodily sensations. Especially sense your legs and feet. Feel your calves, ankles, feet, and soles of your feet.

    After sensing yourself in this curled position for 30 seconds to a minute, SLOWLY start coming up uncurling your spine from the waist first. Your neck and head are the last to uncurl to an upright position. Then enjoy a deep breath or two, and feel the difference.
    I would also suggest a meditation to ground the base chakra.

    It maybe possible after that their focus might be better and their ability to not cancel during events could change.

  7. #47
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
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    hahaha but its actually spending any time with them to tell them in the first place.

  8. #48
    Not Your Therapist Sinmara's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synapse View Post
    hahaha but its actually spending any time with them to tell them in the first place.
    Hahaha you ass.
    Never wrestle with a pig. You will get dirty and the pig will enjoy it.



  9. #49
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Poriferan View Post
    You mentioned something about making plans with someone who has a more forceful personality. How forceful is yours? I have a tendency to say "yeah sure" to whatever anyone throws at me and then only afterwards say "wait a minute, that would be a bad idea". Now the general poorness of the decision conflicts with the fact that I hate going back on my word. This can make me waffle for a while and thus take even longer to getting around and telling the other person I can't go with them (supposing I don't just go anyway against my gut).
    You know, I hadn't considered this. On one occasion my ISFP friend called my attempts to get her to come out "belligerent." Well, she did end up coming out with the rest of us, but it didn't seem like she had a very good time. Well, she never seemed like she was having a good time. Perhaps it was because of something like you describe (though it still leaves unanswered the question of why she says she wants to do these things but refuses or doesn't actually like it when it happens.) Maybe she just didn't like me in general.
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  10. #50
    Not Your Therapist Sinmara's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    You know, I hadn't considered this. On one occasion my ISFP friend called my attempts to get her to come out "belligerent." Well, she did end up coming out with the rest of us, but it didn't seem like she had a very good time. Well, she never seemed like she was having a good time. Perhaps it was because of something like you describe (though it still leaves unanswered the question of why she says she wants to do these things but refuses or doesn't actually like it when it happens.) Maybe she just didn't like me in general.
    You see, this is why you have no female friends.
    Never wrestle with a pig. You will get dirty and the pig will enjoy it.



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