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  1. #11
    NPcomplete
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    I get annoyed when people flake on me so I don't flake on others even if I don't want to show up sometimes.

  2. #12
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    I know two isfps and they are both FREAKING TERRIBLE about this. It seems sometimes like they're petrified of saying no to people, so even though they know they probably won't go, they wait until the very last second to tell you (or just don't show up). drives me crazy.

    no, I don't do it (unless it's something like a party where your presence is not really important). And I'm very shy as well as quite introverted. I don't know if it's a shy thing, although it could be.
    -end of thread-

  3. #13
    Anew Leaf
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    I have historically been very bad about this... I can't explain it. Initially i am thrilled to have plans.

    "look at me world! I have friends! You were wrong about me!"

    Importantly, I strut about my life. I wait for someone else to ask me to do something that same time frame so I can say, "oh sorry..." *forehead puckers sadly* "I already have plans that day." then I shall watch, victorious, as their face falls and contorts with unmistakable pain. Then I feel bad.

    Slowly, however, the day of these plans stalks me like a tiger after an antelope. Decoy plans crop up like ants at a picnic. "ooh, x tv show will be on! Oh wait, I'm going to do y with so-and-so..." "ooh, I should go buy new eyeshadows tomorrow night! Oh wait... I can't...."

    The possibilities of what I could be doing begin to line up and torture me. I see myself climbing mount everest, washing oil off of baby penguins, receiving a Pulitzer prize for literature, cleaning my bathroom... And I realize that my current plans are infringing upon my freedom damnit! And I'm an American! I was born free!

    And in that instant I begin to plan the death of these plans. I trot carelessly down my stairs in hopes I'll fall and break my leg. I eat entire jars of peanuts in one sitting in case I develop a sudden peanut allergy. I walk alone home late at night in the hopes of being mugged.

    Usually once I have gotten out of my plans, i spend that same time frame doing nothing. But I am doing nothing freedom fries style, so it's all good.

    The end.

  4. #14
    Member Matt_s's Avatar
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    If I'm committed to be somewhere, I'll be there at the exact agreed upon time. This is why I'm extremely non-committal. I tend to flake out a lot more on invitations than plans. Any looming engagement is generally a hellhound on my trail.
    The best-laid schemes o' mice an 'men
    Gang aft agley
    -Robert Burns

  5. #15
    Feline Member kelric's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    Hmmm. I don't do that, and I'm fairly shy. I think those are just individual flakes. If I make plans with you, the only thing that would make me cancel is if there were a genuine emergency. Now, I'm not a huge planner by nature, so I might wriggle out of being all plan-sy until I have to. Sometimes my J friends make me feel too scheduled when we do things.
    I'm exactly like this. I'm very shy, but if I make plans with you, I am *there*. I might waffle on saying yes in the first place because I don't want to go into "schedule lockdown mode", if I'm uncomfortable or not certain if I'm up to a particular social engagement, but once I've said yes, I will not flake out. So I think it's a matter of flaky/not-flaky rather than one of shy=flaky.

    Quote Originally Posted by INA View Post
    Are you sure they are just shy and don't have some social anxiety disorder?
    Again, although social anxiety sucks, and I've definitely *wanted* to bail on events that I've said yes to once the time has arrived (this happens a lot of the time even when I know I'll probably have fun), there's a pretty big difference between bowing out of such things by declining in the first place to saying yes and then flaking out. As someone with more than a little of the social anxiety problem, I'm far more likely to simply say no than to say yes. But once I say yes, even though I may get nervous, scared, or panicky even, I'll do what I said I would.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  6. #16
    now! in shell form INA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kelric View Post
    Again, although social anxiety sucks, and I've definitely *wanted* to bail on events that I've said yes to once the time has arrived (this happens a lot of the time even when I know I'll probably have fun), there's a pretty big difference between bowing out of such things by declining in the first place to saying yes and then flaking out. As someone with more than a little of the social anxiety problem, I'm far more likely to simply say no than to say yes. But once I say yes, even though I may get nervous, scared, or panicky even, I'll do what I said I would.
    There is a difference, indeed. Unfortunately, not everyone is as bound to his/her word as you are. The result? They agree to few things to begin with, then become overwhelmed at the last minute.
    hoarding time and space
    A single event can awaken within us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born.
    — Antoine de Saint-Exupery

  7. #17
    small potatoes NotOfTwo's Avatar
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    I prefer not to plan to far ahead also. Too far out makes the fun seem like an assignment. I will show up if someone forces me to choose and I do say yes, especially if I note that they have noted that I have said yes. SO, I always say maybe or possibly if I can get away with it. My favorite is getting a text in the afternoon to do something that night. Perfect!
    "It's never enough." The Cure

  8. #18
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    My ISFP friend does that sort of thing all the time and it drives me crazy. In her case it's usually that she has all this enthusiasm for the task/event/plans but fails to think through her scheduling. See, when I want to do something later in the week and I'm busy, I see to it I get things done in time so I'm free on that day - but she doesn't do this. When it comes to the day she realises all the things she has to do and cancels because she's busy. Also she gets overwhelmed by too many things going on in her life; it seems to paralyse her. When we were at uni together it was particularly frustrating when she cancelled plans due to an assignment, because I KNEW she would just sit around procrastinate anyway. It irritated me that she would sit at home and not do her assignment, when she could come out with me and not do her assignment . But ultimately I understood that the guilt and stress of it would be too much for her. I think that is one thing about IXXPs, we are disorganised enough as it is and if we are juggling a lot of balls we don't want to added stress that comes with socialising.

    However, I must say that I rarely back out like that, on principle. If I said I would go, I go; even if I seriously dread it. It can be very difficult though, particularly if it's a party or some social event with a lot of people. As the time draws near, the apprehension increases and my mind naturally tries to think of excuses to get out of it. I often have to tell myself off for being so pathetic and really push myself out the door.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  9. #19
    Senior Member Eckhart's Avatar
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    I admit I was sometimes guilty of this. Often those excuses are as you say apparently already known before the date is set, however not always they are even the true reason. It is sometimes just that I notice that I don't feel suddenly like going there (because it was some plan which I didn't even feel that great about in the first place but still agreed on because I was pressured for long into saying yes or I felt at that time it was still better than not seeing each other at all and sitting at home as I do most of the time, since I am not a person with lots of possibilities and friends) and some half-assed excuse seems then still better than telling I don't want to come. However I do that only when I am only one of several people invited (mostly the case), so they can still do whatever they wanted, just without me.

  10. #20
    Not Your Therapist Sinmara's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    My ISFP friend does that sort of thing all the time and it drives me crazy. In her case it's usually that she has all this enthusiasm for the task/event/plans but fails to think through her scheduling. See, when I want to do something later in the week and I'm busy, I see to it I get things done in time so I'm free on that day - but she doesn't do this. When it comes to the day she realises all the things she has to do and cancels because she's busy. Also she gets overwhelmed by too many things going on in her life; it seems to paralyse her. When we were at uni together it was particularly frustrating when she cancelled plans due to an assignment, because I KNEW she would just sit around procrastinate anyway. It irritated me that she would sit at home and not do her assignment, when she could come out with me and not do her assignment .
    Bahahaha. This is hilarious because it's EXACTLY why the INTP cancelled on our plans this Thursday. We were going to hang out, she realized she has a midterm to study for and a Halloween costume to finish. When I asked her last week when she was free, it was a resounding "THURSDAY! " and now she's all "I can't do iiiiiiit! "

    Aaaaaand she'll probably just be not-studying at home. Oh well.
    Never wrestle with a pig. You will get dirty and the pig will enjoy it.



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