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  1. #841
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    Here's some brutal honesty for you.

    I went out last night to talk this bar tender I kind of liked.

    And who I thought liked me. I asked for her number and got shot down. She said she was too busy to do anything, which in girl means "not interested".

    I was gracious in defeat, and didn't get all pissed off or anything, and apologized for being so forward. But I did drink a good bit more than I usually do, and was kind of bummed out.

    The messed up thing was I had been coming into this bar for a while, and would always chat up the bartender. I thought I had been smooth and tried to slow play it. She would twist her hair around her finger when I would talk to her, and she would always light up like a Christmas tree when I would walk in. I really thought she was interested, and thought I was being pretty cool by not just throwing myself at her the instant I got any positive feedback.

    This game shit sucks. I wish I were better at picking up on signals. It's exhausting to think you've got a grasp on the situation for months only to later realize you were an idiot the entire time.

    Luckily, a good friend of mine (an old fraternity brother) saw me at the bar and we hung out. He just finished his masters in business and was back in town for a while.

    I'm also pretty good friends with the hostess, and she could tell how bummed I was so she pulled me off my bar stool and got me to go dance.

    Even though I got disappointed, I still managed to have a pretty good time (and a monster hangover this morning).

  2. #842
    Senior Member Chaotic Harmony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    Here's some brutal honesty for you.

    I went out last night to talk this bar tender I kind of liked.

    And who I thought liked me. I asked for her number and got shot down. She said she was too busy to do anything, which in girl means "not interested".

    I was gracious in defeat, and didn't get all pissed off or anything, and apologized for being so forward. But I did drink a good bit more than I usually do, and was kind of bummed out.

    The messed up thing was I had been coming into this bar for a while, and would always chat up the bartender. I thought I had been smooth and tried to slow play it. She would twist her hair around her finger when I would talk to her, and she would always light up like a Christmas tree when I would walk in. I really thought she was interested, and thought I was being pretty cool by not just throwing myself at her the instant I got any positive feedback.

    This game shit sucks. I wish I were better at picking up on signals. It's exhausting to think you've got a grasp on the situation for months only to later realize you were an idiot the entire time.

    Luckily, a good friend of mine (an old fraternity brother) saw me at the bar and we hung out. He just finished his masters in business and was back in town for a while.

    I'm also pretty good friends with the hostess, and she could tell how bummed I was so she pulled me off my bar stool and got me to go dance.

    Even though I got disappointed, I still managed to have a pretty good time (and a monster hangover this morning).
    Did you tip her well? Obviously, I don't know this girl....but I've known several bartenders that fit into that exact description that did it to get better tips/repeat customers.... And ended up having to turn them down when they asked for a phone number/date.


  3. #843
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    This game shit sucks.
    Yes. This is one of the many reasons I'm so glad to be happily married.

    Feel better dude.

  4. #844
    S Saiyan God Mace's Avatar
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    I am not a gamer by definition.

  5. #845
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chaotic Harmony View Post
    Did you tip her well? Obviously, I don't know this girl....but I've known several bartenders that fit into that exact description that did it to get better tips/repeat customers.
    I tipped ok.

    Every Thursday this bar has free PBR cans from 9 till whenever they run out (usually about 10:30 or 11).

    I like bars that are half empty where it's not so loud you can't talk to people... so I would head up there early for the free beer and chat with the bar tenders and anyone else I knew.

    I would only tip on the drinks I got after the free beer was done. Sometimes I would stop drinking when the free beer was over (I've had to be quite frugal lately).

    But either way, it's not like I was one of her best customers.

    The only thing that bugs me about it is trying to figure out if I made an honest mistake or need to work on reading people better.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mia. View Post
    Yes. This is one of the many reasons I'm so glad to be happily married.

    Feel better dude.
    Flirting is fun, but trying to divine the unknowable (ie what's going through a woman's head) is maddening.

    I wish I was more like everyone else. I have such a hard time finding girls I really groove with.

  6. #846
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bologna View Post
    One way to be honest with myself is through 'sharpening myself against other trusted people' by mutually calling each other on our bullshit. I approve of this thread

    But also, I could stand some more feedback, I guess?
    Agreed. You are lucky if you have people you can trust to all you on bs objectively and without malice. My SO is really the only one I can trust for that, but it seems we are too close to each other to be very effective at it.

    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    It doesn't. This thread is to negate NF guilt and allow Ts to justify their bad behavior.
    I assume people request feedback here only if they want the unvarnished truth. Some people will find the answer brutal, some will find it refreshing - sometimes even for the same response. Same in real life: if you don't want the answer, don't ask the question.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  7. #847
    Senior Member Circle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    Because when people pussyfoot around the truth, they often miscommunicate, and in some cases that miscommunication can be harmful, leading to bad decisions.
    Can you be both honest and careful with someone's feelings?

  8. #848
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    Quote Originally Posted by Circle View Post
    Can you be both honest and careful with someone's feelings?
    Yes. By yourself seeing, and in turn giving them, the whole truth and not just a myoptic and grossly incomplete negative angle. Their feelings and confidence will only be affected if they are left with an inaccurate deficit in positive realization, which is necessary to competently understand how to remedy the negative in the situation. That will dis-empower rather than empower.

  9. #849
    Senior Member Tiger Owl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiscoBiscuit View Post
    I tipped ok.

    Every Thursday this bar has free PBR cans from 9 till whenever they run out (usually about 10:30 or 11).

    I like bars that are half empty where it's not so loud you can't talk to people... so I would head up there early for the free beer and chat with the bar tenders and anyone else I knew.

    I would only tip on the drinks I got after the free beer was done. Sometimes I would stop drinking when the free beer was over (I've had to be quite frugal lately).

    But either way, it's not like I was one of her best customers.

    The only thing that bugs me about it is trying to figure out if I made an honest mistake or need to work on reading people better.

    Flirting is fun, but trying to divine the unknowable (ie what's going through a woman's head) is maddening.

    I wish I was more like everyone else. I have such a hard time finding girls I really groove with.
    You know Disco, I was thinking about this. She may get hit on and asked out by customers very frequently. Her standard answer may very well be no. However, it might be worth your time and effort to talk to her again and let her know you are not just another lame drunk who likes to flirt. Ask her if you read the signals wrong, and if she would agree to coffee no strings attached, just a chance to talk to you in a non-bar/alcohol environment. If she agrees, great. You get a second chance, and she knows you have already shown more interest and determination than 99% of the guys that hit on her. If she says no, you haven't lost anything you didn't already consider gone.
    INTJ 5w4 sx/sp 584 ILI-Ni

  10. #850
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mia. View Post
    Yes. By yourself seeing, and in turn giving them, the whole truth and not just a myoptic and grossly incomplete negative angle. Their feelings and confidence will only be affected if they are left with an inaccurate deficit in positive realization, which is necessary to competently understand how to remedy the negative in the situation. That will dis-empower rather than empower.
    I see what you're saying. What if the whole truth is hurtful? How then do you act with care for their feelings?

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