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  1. #801
    Senior Member Viridian's Avatar
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    Dec 2010
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    Doesn't mean you have to apologize to me about it. The two options are quite cut and dry: either accept my apology and we move on, or don't and we move on. Saying 'I think you are wrong' and 'I am sorry for my actions' does not solve the situation. A - you aren't accepting my apology, B - you are creating a situation where I am even more in the wrong. Just say something like "Thank you for apologizing, I appreciate it. I am sorry that I came off so strong, but I was startled." And........ we're done. Instead it's this long, drawn out process.

    And other times I have had you apologize to me like 5-10 times over some comment you made... and I literally have no idea why you are apologizing because the comment was no problem at all. It makes me uncomfortable.
    Aaaaah, so that's the issue. I'll definitely make a note of this, thank you!

    I understand why, but I really don't think you have much, if anything, to fear over backlash. You are kind to others all over the board. You have a right to your own opinion! So state it! Maybe you will have a perspective that no one else has thought of before. Won't know unless you put your thoughts out there a little bit. I can understand having a fear of conflict, I am personally not a fan myself. However, it is a part of life, and here is as good a place as any to start practicing a little bit. It will probably help give you a sense of confidence in your abilities. People won't dislike you because you have X opinion on a topic, even if they personally believe Y.

    Oh, I can understand this one as well. Don't let the super logicals intimidate you into not stating an opinion on a topic. Just have some fun with it. It isn't wrong to have an opinion on something because it feels right. Just because you can't build a rock solid theorem revolving around a topic, doesn't mean you are wrong.
    I guess I'm trying too hard to counter-balance the Dunning-Kruger effect... Or maybe I've been playing too much Ace Attorney and started believing I have to provide proof for the most mundane of opinions.

    Yeah, rewording it like this doesn't make it better.
    What would, then?

    Yes, it's just fine.

    Just be yourself more on the boards and stop hiding from that self. Get feisty!
    "Yes! We are all individuals!"
    "I'm not..."
    "Shhhh!"

    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    ^ I agree with Saturned on this. Viridian I think the forum would benefit if you didn't walk on eggshells as much. I know you have lots to contribute, but it seems like almost everything you post comes with a cushion -- with the dual purpose of protecting the other person against possible offense, and protecting yourself against potential backlash. Even with inoffensive topics, I've seen this.
    Yeah, I think I'm afraid of giving off the impression that I'm an expert on topics I'm not all that acquainted with... The more I go to college, the less sure I am that I truly know anything. Or have something to contribute.

    Maybe this is part of the social awkwardness that you've said you have trouble with irl? Is it because you have a hard time reading people, and figuring out what would be offensive, so you just apologize for everything instead?
    || || ||

    Ding ding ding, we have a winner!

    And the way I think of the issue of not having a fully formed opinion yet, in those situations, is that honestly, you have all the time in the world to form an opinion and post it. You could ask someone questions about the topic. You could even do that in the thread where the issue is being debated! That sort of behavior is not looked down upon, unless the debate is competitive, because most discussions like that are for the purpose of gaining new information and ideas. If you do that, you'll be seen as "above" the petty competitiveness, and you'll be respected for it.
    I suppose I view this place as more academic than it's supposed to be... Must be RL seeping into my brain.

    Quote Originally Posted by bologna View Post


    My thought is this: They're contradictory when you're too assertive of a person--when you're a total asshole who doesn't give a crap about other people at all. They're not contradictory when you're typically on the other end of the scale (like us) and you tend to need to assert yourself more (though in a diplomatic way).

    My own lack of self-worth and seeking of approval came from bouts of clinical depression. Therapy and right medication has definitely helped.

    Stay strong! (Though you seem a lot more confident online. )

    Yeah, I guess they can be conciliated pretty well. I'm kinda surprised by your implication that I'm improving on that aspect!

    Also, FWIW, I'm on Zoloft and (on weekdays) Ritalin.
    Tentative typing: ISFJ 6w5 or 9w1 (Sp/S[?]).

  2. #802
    011235813
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    Someone say something brutally honest about me!!

  3. #803
    Riva
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    Quote Originally Posted by senza_tema View Post
    Someone say something brutally honest about me!!
    We hate you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. #804
    ReflecTcelfeR
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    Quote Originally Posted by Riva View Post
    We hate you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Lame.

  5. #805
    Riva
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    Quote Originally Posted by momental View Post
    Lame.
    I wasn't asking for feedback dear Momental.

    So technically what you did was wrong as it could (actually would) be considered spamming.

    Heh heh hee.

  6. #806
    ReflecTcelfeR
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    Quote Originally Posted by Riva View Post
    I wasn't asking for feedback dear Momental.

    So technically what you did was wrong as it could (actually would) be considered spamming.

    Heh heh hee.
    That would only effect me if I cared.

  7. #807
    Riva
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    Quote Originally Posted by momental View Post
    That would only effect me if I cared.
    On the contrary, (not caring what others think and) going against the rules of a forum or a request of an inquiry of a thread OP, is painfully spamming.

    So you see dear momental, I am looking 'after' you and telling you what's wrong from right, irrespective of what you think.


  8. #808
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    Quote Originally Posted by Riva View Post
    On the contrary, (not caring what others think and) going against the rules of a forum or a request of an inquiry of a thread OP, is painfully spamming.

    So you see dear momental, I am looking 'after' you and telling you what's wrong from right, irrespective of what you think.

    What is the point of this? Are you belittling me? Trying to prove yourself more than me? It doesn't matter.

    I know what is wrong, and what is right. As well as I know that you should not post in a thread about painful honesty w/o considering someone posting on what you said. If your point was to trap the next person then I'd say you were baiting, in order to flame.

  9. #809
    Riva
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    Quote Originally Posted by momental View Post
    What is the point of this? Are you belittling me? Trying to prove yourself more than me? It doesn't matter.

    I know what is wrong, and what is right. As well as I know that you should not post in a thread about painful honesty w/o considering someone posting on what you said. If your point was to trap the next person then I'd say you were baiting, in order to flame.
    Relax, I was only pulling your leg.

    Besides Senza would know that I was only joking. (I hope.)

  10. #810
    ReflecTcelfeR
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    Quote Originally Posted by Riva View Post
    Relax, I was only pulling your leg.

    Besides Senza would know that I was only joking. (I hope.)
    We must not understand each others humors.

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